


What You Know

by Melphis_Amekia



Category: Koe no Katachi
Genre: Abuse, Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, the tag and fic name change will be explained in the notes below, this fic will have a happy ending though, use of homophobic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2018-11-06 21:45:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11044956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melphis_Amekia/pseuds/Melphis_Amekia
Summary: At nearly the same time as Ishida arrives to Tokyo, Ueno finds out something about Sahara that makes everything that happened the last year to be turned upside down. She has no idea how to deal with it, so she does what she does best...





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> To start with: I LOVE KOE NO KATACHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> *Ahem* with that out of the way, I hope this fic that I plan to be a relatively long one will finally be a project I will finish. I am riding on a huge wave of enthusiasm for this beautiful, mesmerizing, insanely deep movie(and manga), which I now watched three times and will probably watch many more. This fic is definitely going to be turbulent, especially the chapters dedicated to Ueno/Sahara. That's going to be rough to write.
> 
> Also, for anyone that didn't get the hints that Sahara is gay in the anime or the manga, she is definitely gay.

_I miss Nishimiya._

Taking care of other people’s hair was as monotonous as Shouya imagined it. Sure, everyone had their preferences, and everyone wanted it cut or done in just the right way. Once he learnt the regular’s demands well enough, it was only a matter of how much small talk he could make with the customer that could keep him occupied. At first, Shouya did try very hard to pay attention to his work, but as his mother gave him more and more responsibility and his skills picked up, he couldn’t help his thoughts drifting away.

_How is she doing? Is Tokyo really alright for her? She says she only had really minor troubles, but, knowing her, she could be saying that to downplay the problems. There’s thousands of things that could have happened._

_Has she settled in? She must have, by now, but you never know. The pictures she sent of how her apartment looks do seem really nice. There’s less space than I hoped they’d be able to get. At least Yuzuru is there too. She’s not gonna let anyone mess with them._

_How does Nishimiya’s workplace look? Is the apprenticeship alright? Is her teacher giving her any trouble? Are they too harsh on her? They shouldn’t be, she is obviously good at it already, better than me. Mother wouldn’t have complimented her so easily if she wasn’t._

_What is Tokyo exactly like? I get so many updates from everyone, all of them telling me different stories. They like this or they hate that, and almost none are about the same things. How would seeing all that feel?_

_How does Nishimiya feel there? Does she like the view? The places she visits? People she meets? Is she ever homesick? Does she ever think of the differences between her old and new place?_

„Okay. All done.” Shouya said to the customer, giving them a smaller mirror so they could see the new haircut in more detail. The person enjoyed looking at their new, shorter hair done in the bob style.

„Thank you very much.” they said happily. Shouya cleaned up the few hairs that somehow still got stuck on their clothes, and said:

„Thank you for coming. We hope to see you again.”

„That will definitely happen.” they replied, taking their coat and putting it on. When they were ready, they waved and bid goodbye to Shouya before leaving.

It was past 9 pm when they left. The closing time had already passed, so Shouya began cleaning the place up, first starting with the hair on the floor, then cleaning all the equipment that was used, and finishing by putting everything back at their proper places. It took him about half an hour to do that before he could, finally, go to the kitchen, where everyone already awaited for his arrival. Both sis and her husband were working late, so only Mother, Maria and Shouya were there, as well as takoyaki in abundance.

„Dinner!” yelled Maria, as enthusiastic as always

„You were thinking about her, weren’t you?” Mother asked, a big smile on her face, in the middle of the dinner. Shouya said nothing, preferring to continue eating. It wasn’t the first conversation they had about this, and he already accepted she’d just know when his mind got distracted.

„Don’t you think you’ve finally outgrown this place? Don’t you want to see her? And everyone else?”

Shouya saw her plenty, but he knew what she meant. Those were all pictures and the occasional Skype calls when they had the time for it. It was... good, but not as good as being there in person.

„Of course I do.”

„Then I don’t understand. You’ve done everything you could, staying back. Everyone else has moved to Tokyo. I have no idea what’s keeping you here.”

Shouya rolled his eyes. That was the same question that kept him up at night, recently. He would think through everything over and over again, trying to find an answer. Shouya looked down.

„At this point, I don’t know either.” he said, a sad sigh escaping from him.

„Don’t be sad, Sho-tan.” said Maria, patting him on the back. It drew out a smile from him. Not being happy when Maria addressed you was something that just couldn’t happen.

Mother chuckled, shaking her head.

„Well, don’t take too long to decide what you’re going to do, or I’ll pack all of your stuff and drag you to Shouko myself. And her mother says the same thing.” she said in her always happy manner, but the threat was more than serious. Shouya was certain they would literally drag him there if they wanted to.

„Yes, ma’am!” he replied immediately, going back to eating dinner faster than before.

\--------------------

The more time passed by, the more Miyoko felt like she made a mistake in living with Ueno.

„Hey, Sahara!” Ueno said, peeking through the door before coming inside. She took a look around the room before fixing her eyes on Miyoko.

„Did you see my shirt anywhere?”

„Which one?” Miyoko asked. Ueno had a habit of leaving her clothes everywhere in the apartment. Sometimes, Miyoko marveled at how such a sloppy girl could have such an amazing brain for fashion design.

"The blue one with that game logo." 

„I think I saw it somewhere in the kitchen, Nao-chan.”

„I already looked through the kitchen. It’s not there.”

Miyoko sighed. The sketch she was working on would have to wait. Her plan was to finish it today and begin drawing it out in earnest once the basic design was done. The second picture would have only the dress, without the person she was designing it for.

„Okay.” Miyoko said and nodded. „I’ll help you look for it.”

„Okay, let’s go!” Ueno said, yawning and stretching her body. It was still early morning, and the rays of the sun captured her in all of her lazy beauty, the long, dark hair in a messy ponytail, the violet-that-are-almost-black eyes, her so uncharacteristically soft face and lips, those beautiful curves of her body... Taking her eyes off the sight proved to be as difficult as always.

„Come on, what are you waiting for?” Ueno asked irritably, then grabbed Miyoko by the hand. It was enough to get Sahara’s mind back on track. Staying so near, yet both nowhere near enough and nowhere far away from Ueno was something that always made her more aware and on guard, as if her reflexes kicked in only in the last moment before it was too late.

Miyoko thought just staying near Ueno would be enough. She knew it would be difficult, finding someone who shared her... _ideas_ , and besides, she didn’t want anyone else right now. If there was any way to know for sure how Ueno would react, Miyoko would have already tested that. That would have made things easier, would have made her leave the silly little hope in her heart that blossomed despite all reason. Ueno had always liked Shouya and no one else.

So why did Miyoko feel there was more to Ueno than she had any right to feel? Why did even this, looking for an old shirt, hand-in-hand with Ueno, felt like something more?

But Miyoko resolved she wouldn’t divulge her secret to anyone but Shouko already. It was too dangerous to do anything else. Her private sketchbook would stay private.

At least one person knew of the issue, and fully supported her all the way. Despite all of Miyoko’s faults, Shouko was still there for her, even with this.

It made everything easier.


	2. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueno finds out something she didn't want to know about Sahara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I apologize immediately and deeply for the huge delay in upd8s. RL stuff happened, I got involved with other fandoms too and I could just never finish this upd8. That also is important for my second apology, which also has connection with the fic name and tag changes. Simply put, I had no idea how to put Shouya/Shouko in a plot at all, since they can only be super fluffy and I just can't do plot that is only complete fluff. I don't have the heart to put them through any challenges or obstacles, so there's no point in writing that in this particular fic. I plan on doing another one shot like Understand is, which will be extremely fluffy and cute, but also plotless.
> 
> I've left the prologue as is, since it is important that Shouya is going to Tokyo and why, at least for the story building.
> 
> So, this fic has become fully focused on Ueno/Sahara. I'm hoping that's okay with you guys! It's not like Shouko and Shouya and the rest won't make any appearances - they definitely will - but I've decided it would be better if they're side characters too. I'm hoping the Sahara/Ueno stuff will be good enough to make up for the lack of Shouya/Shouko, although, fair warning - their relationship right now won't be pretty at all. I promise it'll get better, but not for a while. Ueno needs to get her shit together for that, and we all know Ueno isn't the type to do that quickly.
> 
> Anyway, I hope I won't anger anyone waiting for an upd8, or disappoint. Enjoy!

Naoka yawned as she took of her apron and began changing into a different set of clothes in the employee room of the store. It had been such a long day of working on the store inventory. Her muscles were burning as if she ran a marathon while her eyes could barely be kept open, while the other two employees who were on the shift with her looked even worse, sitting in their chairs looking more dead than alive. If it hadn’t been necessary to have this job, Naoka would have been long gone by now. There were far better ways she could have spent this time... but she had to keep up her half of the pay for the apartment or the dream about becoming a respected fashion designer would be pounded into dust.

At least she had the welcome party with everyone else for Ishida to look forward to. Naoka had jumped out of her seat back at home with delight when Ishida himself sent her a message that he was _finally_ going to Tokyo as well. It came out of the blue like summer rain - one day, she was minding her own business, drawing a sketch of a dress that might have ended up presentable enough for her assignment when the message arrived. The sketch was abandoned without a second thought as Naoka raced to confirm with Sahara that yes, in fact, that was not a prank, and that Ishida was actually going to move to Tokyo. That alone was worth giving Sahara a hug, even if Naoka apologized later for getting caught up in the moment. There was something odd about her „it’s alright”, but Naoka didn’t care to find out why. More important things were happening, after all.

If only her manager let her have the day off so she could have been on the welcoming committee with everyone else.

Though, as Naoka finished changing - now in a floral-patterned shirt, ripped gray jeans and white sneakers - an evening spent with Ishida and the old group at the usual place in Sangen was still far better than nothing. The excitement about that was something not even a rough day could destroy no matter that it seemed like it tried to do just that with all the strength of a tsunami. A smile played on Naoka’s face, which got her disgusted looks aimed at her from her coworkers as she said goodbye to them and left the small, cramped backroom.

The dim rays of light still visible in the world cast a beautiful, violet-orange halo over the city and the ongoing festival. With people dressed in yukatas and similar festive gowns crowding the streets, market stalls full of food and clothes and jewerly, it was difficult to move through the whole mass. The smell of food was also unwelcome right now, her stomach growling at the slightest whiff of something delicious. Yet, the light, relaxed atmosphere of it all matched Naoka’s mood in the best of ways. The exhaustion threatening to ruin her night had all but evaporated, or at least retreated. With a light step, she made her way to an out-of-the-way, run-down side street that held a nice sushi place while still being relatively cheap. It was the spot Naoka was supposed to meet the rest of the group after work.

As luck would have had it, once Naoka was about to walk in the street, someone called out her name. She turned her head to the right, seeing Sahara waving in front of the approaching group. with them all just before they entered the place. For a second, Naoka froze like an icycle. There was Ishida, doing his still-awkward walk in the middle of everyone. The biggest impulse to hug him came over Naoka, to just disregard propriety and everything and do it. In a fit of restraint, however, she decided against it.

Instead, Naoka raced over to them, a huge smile on her face.

„Hi everyone!” she yelled out, not forgetting to sign it for Nishimiya as well.They greeted her back warmly, including Ishida, who was looking his uncomfortable self still.

_Some things never change, it seems._

„Looking good.” Naoka spoke, gesturing towards the cute pink T-shirt filled with all sorts of cartoon cats. It must have been chosen by Nishimiya, but Naoka couldn’t find it in herself to be mad when it, which was strange, really did suit Ishida well. He looked visibly relieved.

„Thank you.”

As they moved on onto their destination, Naoka couldn’t disregard how close Ishida and Nishimiya were anymore. She had tried her best to get over it all, the knowledge that she lost still a thorn-like memory. No matter how much she participated in everyone’s enthusiastic conversation, the feeling still remained there, especially when she glanced at Nishimiya.

Naoka sighed, thinking back on the year of relative friendship with her, how that feeling almost evaporated into smoke like a peace offering at a shrine before it resurfaced.

_Yeah, they really don’t change._

\----------

Naoka looked at the forms disappearing into the night with a wistful look. The dinner ended up being such an awesome welcoming party that she could only wish it could have lasted forever, much to Naoka’s surprise. She had expected her own evening to be at least partially ruined by the main duo’s love-y dove-y-ness, but they had kept it to a minimum, enough that it was more than ignorable. Naoka could enjoy the dinner and the company of her friends with as much abandon as she let herself ever have.

It was still a shame Shimada and Hirose didn’t get together like the rest of them had, but that opportunity had passed by long ago.

The nights’ air was still full of the smell of festival food, the crowds going on strong even with the brilliant white moon already high up in the sky. After saying goodbye to the group, Kawai and the boys going one direction, Nishimiya and Ishida going another(to Naoka’s discontent and helplessness), Naoka and Sahara made their way to the train station. Their apartment was relatively nearby, but with both of them slogging through the streets like beaten sacks drained of energy, it was a wordless decision to wait for the train.

„Ugh, I’m so full. Why is that place so cheap?” asked Sahara once she plomped down in her seat, her eyes looking into the ceiling.

„Careful, now. Don’t want to get that model body out of shape for the runways.” Naoka said, which earned her seeing Sahara blush and a weak punch to her shoulder.

„You know I can make an exception once in a while, Nao-chan!”

„I know, I know. I just like teasing you.” she replied, accenting it with sticking out her tongue. Sahara blushed further, but made no more comments. Naoka was okay with that. She had also eaten a lot and was satisfied to just get home with her best friend and sleep as soon as possible.

It was funny, in a sense. Naoka and Sahara, best friends, a bully and the bullied girl. If Naoka had ever believed in fate, her jokes about it being karma and destiny would not have been jokes. She had no idea how it happened, but that was far from the only thing she couldn’t explain. There were Ishida and Nishimiya with the same, albeit worse start, and also how Sahara turned out to be such a looker when they saw each other again.

Naoka could live with only guessing at how it happened and being grateful for (most) of it.

The rest of the ride home passed in comfortable silence between them, the sounds of the train and the light music great white noise for the travel. Naoka had almost fallen asleep, her head on Sahara’s shoulder, before Sahara nudged her lightly and said how they were about to arrive to their station.

Once they left the station and found their apartment in the nearest apartment complex, it took all of Naoka’s effort not to just fall onto the couch and sleep there, unwashed and in her clothes. The temptation of doing it still lingered as Sahara proclaimed she’s taking the shower first. If Sahara wasn’t looking as exhausted as Naoka, she might just have done it to see the shock on Sahara’s face and let herself be carried to her actual bed. It never failed to amuse Naoka how Sahara’s face would go all shocked at her „lack of manners” and how she’d take the matter into her own, strong hands. Sadly, with no promise of being carried, Naoka would wait a while before springing that up again.

With Sahara in the bathroom, Naoka took off the dirty clothes and put them in the basket right by the same room. There hadn’t been much to do, so she sat down on the soft, green couch and turned on the TV, switching to the first channel that had anything remotely fashion-related on it. Once she snuggled herself in a comfortable position, though nowhere near as comfortable as if Sahara had been there, Naoka was ready to let her mind wander as she watched what was happening on the screen.

However, the TV light revealed something Naoka hadn’t noticed before. Neither of them had turned on the lights when they entered, preferring to stay in the relative dark because they knew how to move around in it anyway, so Sahara’s private sketchbook, on open display on the small stand by the couch, was not seen by either of them. Naoka was sure Sahara would have snatched it up immediately and then go to her room and have hidden it somewhere if she had.

This presented a difficult dilema for Naoka. On one hand, she wanted to respect Sahara’s privacy. On the other, she had long since burned like a star with curiosity for what was so _private_ about Sahara’s sketchbook. Maybe it contained old or childish sketches, or had something about boys in there, or anything, really. Naoka had far too many ideas, not helped by the fact Sahara never talked about any romantic interests, which would be the easiest assumption.

Now that Naoka worked herself up over it, staring at the sketchbook as if it was a treasure, there was no backing out of it. She was going to go through real quick while Sahara was still showering her beautiful, toned body.

It wouldn’t hurt to take a peek, after all.

Naoka took the plain, light blue notebook in her hands and started at the beginning. The dozen pages were utterly boring - simple dress designs, repeating for pages upon pages, that it was almost enough for Naoka to stop snooping. If anything, it had confirmed her theory that Sahara truly was a simple girl like any other.

Then, just as she was about to shut it and return it to its place, there was a difference. Someone was drawing wearing the design. There was an unsettling familiarity to the drawing, so Naoka took her phone and started the flashlight.

It was Naoka herself.

_Okay, now that’s interesting. I knew you wanted me to wear your ideas, but I had no idea you wanted it this badly._

That was a good reason to want to hide it, Naoka admitted it to herself. Flipping through the pages, though, the amount of times Sahara had drawn Naoka inside all those dresses became the stranger the more beautiful and nice it all looked. Naoka couldn’t parse what she thought of it herself, the confusion in her mind like a whirlwind.

When she got halfway through the notebook, what she saw completely destroyed her image of Sahara. Beautiful, shy, cowardly Sahara, dressed in a simple, form fitting black dress with pearls on the sides, was kissing her, Naoka, in one of the most beautiful dresses she could ever have imagined.

_Nice._

_Wait, what?_

Naoka dropped the notebook like it was on fire and jumped so hard and fast she fell over the couch. Just the thought of two girls like that should have made her so disgusted with it, not to mention seeing it like that in front of her. What the fuck was happening? What the fuck was this absolute horror? How? Since when did she stumble into... whatever this was?

What the hell????

 _Sahara... she likes girls? Like that? Me? How the fuck can you consider that? How the fuck could_ I _consider that?_

Naoka had no time to process this revelation. She was quite sure no time would be enough to process something like this, especially with the devil herself exited the bathroom, dressed in pajamas and with her silky hair shining in the light she turned on.

„What happened, Nao-chan?” Sahara asked, concern in her voice, and extended her hand. Naoka realized she was still lying on the floor. She swatted Sahara’s hand away and jumped right back up on her feet. Naoka scanned the room to find where she dropped the notebook. Upon finding it, she took it, found _the_ page and pushed it right in front of Sahara’s stunned face.

„ _What the fucking hell is this, Sahara_?”

The look of utter shock on Sahara’s face was enough of a tell for Naoka. It was not of someone who was angry or simply surprised, no... guilt was written all of that face.

Naoka didn’t want to believe it. She grabbed Sahara by her hair to take her out of her stupor and yelled:

„Tell me what I’m thinking is _not_ the truth! Tell me that, Sahara! _Tell me_!”

Naoka mercilessly gazed at Sahara, not letting up an inch despite the pain she was causing to Sahara. Her pleading eyes had no effect on Naoka, who’s brain was too clouded to think straight. She had to know the truth. She had to...

„I... I-I can’t.” spoke Sahara in a low voice.

For a few moments, nothing happened but that Naoka’s grip on Sahara’s hair slackened.

 _She is that_...

With a roar, Naoka took Sahara by the arm and pulled with as much force as she could. She kicked open the entrance door and threw Sahara with all her might into the opposite wall and yelled:

„Get the fuck away from me, _dyke_!”

Naoka slammed the door behind her and slumped right down on it. The only things going through her mind was incoherent yelling at what just happened and Sahara’s pained look as if she had been crucified.Unable to move a muscle, those images followed her into sleep on the cold, hard surfaces of the otherwise warm apartment.


	3. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueno's day goes absolutely swimmingly. Everything is completely right. Everything.
> 
> It can't be anything else, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for upd8ing so sporadically, I've been doing a lot of other projects so this got sidelined a bit. However, this will now be my primary focus, at least until the hibike big bang event gets really going, but even then, it'll be just these two fics and that one will be a one-shot. Until I'm done with this one, there won't be many more fics from me coming, but I'll be upd8 this way more regularly. Maybe even daily, if writing goes well! But don't hold that as a promise, stuff might happen so I have to upd8 it super late again. I don't know the future, unfortunately T_T
> 
> At any rate, here's a new chapter. I hope you'll love it !

The sensation of drowning followed Naoka from her sleep, her reflexes making her sit up and gasp for air as if she was out in the cold ocean instead of safe in her bed.

_It was just a dream, Naoka. Just an awful dream._

Her heart beat like crazy for whole another minute, the sweat that had formed on her skin now cold from the early morning air. When her body calmed down a bit, Naoka checked her phone for the time. 5:30 am, _way_ too early for her most days. If it weren’t for that surreal nightmare, Naoka would have rolled over and went back to sleep. Her classes this year were later in the morning, so there was no rush for her to be awake.

_Sahara is an early riser. She could be up and about. I hope she is - her coffee making skills are way better than mine._

Naoka brought herself up from her bed, wincing at the pain in her back and her neck. For a second, she was confused, especially coupled with the fact she was not in her pajamas. What happened?

And then it returned to her, all of it - from the fight to a faint recollection of waking up in pain and dragging herself back to bed.

_Fuck._

Just the thought of what she thought and felt before made Naoka want to rage again, destroy something just so it would feel the same way her life got completely scrambled. Sahara’s face was unavailable for that, though, since she was god knows where. Good riddance. Naoka didn’t need her kind here.

Screw it all, why was she thinking about Sahara at all? She was all stinky and gross, both from yesterday and from that nightmare, her head hurt as much as her back and her stomach was like an empty pit. Naoka was in no hurry to eat with all of this on her mind, but at least she could get herself clean and maybe take some medicine for the pain.

She wasted no time undressing the last bits of her clothes and made her way to the bathroom. Sahara’s yesterday’s clothes - white blouse, soft brown jacket and short jeans - were laid over the washing machine. There was a trace of a pleasant smell that Naoka always identified with Sahara - a light, floral perfume combined with the smell of clothes being sewn.

Naoka threw all those clothes away as fast as possible, not bothering to be the least bit careful that they don’t tear. Try as she might ignore it, though, her actions felt surreal, as if she wasn’t doing it herself, but someone else wearing her skin. She had no explanation for it, just that she wasn’t in a right state of mind at the moment.

Stepping into the shower, Naoka hoped it would give her some reprieve. For a minute or two, it had... but then her terrible mind got the idea that Sahara might have spied on her countless times. No matter how much she tried to convince herself, _knowing_ Sahara would _never_ do something like that unless it was a complete accident, but it didn’t work. She couldn’t keep her gaze away from the door as if Sahara was still in the apartment instead of god knows where.

That’s when Naoka noticed the ring on her finger.

With all these thoughts on her mind, Naoka left the shower much earlier than usual. Before drying or dressing herself up, she took off the ring and threw it away as hard as she could. Only after it was nowhere to be seen anymore did she hastily towel herself dry and put on her clothes. Sleep, blessed sleep was all she desired right now, but she knew she was far too awake to get any more rest right now. Her stomach grumbled, the empty feeling inside as if begging her for food. Naoka had little appetite after everything that had happened, but a spiteful part of her wanted to move on as fast and as painless as she could manage it.

Though she tried her best to listen to it, the most she could eat was a small bowl of leftover rice and half a cup of tea. Maybe it would have been better if that damn Nishimiya hadn’t sent her a message that Sahara was safe with them. Naoka had checked her messages before the shower, and now she wished she hadn’t at all.

Lying down on the couch, she played one of the many mobile games she had on her phone for when she was bored. Naoka devoted herself fully to it, only occasionally taking a look at the TV if something caught her eye. Too many thoughts were in her head, way too many to parse through when all she wanted was some peace and quiet, possibly forever.

She couldn’t believe she was happy her coworker basically forced onto her the early morning shift today. The monotonous work at the store would definitely be a good reprieve from what she was experiencing right now.

Hopefully.

\------

Around lunchtime, Naoka heard her coworkers gossiping in the back room like always. This time, instead of the usual shit-talking about the bad customers, they were discussing her.

„Ueno has been so cheerful and focused today. She’s so reserved all the time that it’s weirding me out!” said a boy her age called Tsukamoto as he smoked a cigarette.

„It is so strange to see her so animated. What the hell has gotten into her?” said a slightly older girl, Inako. Naoka’s interest had evaporated by then, although she did catch another similar remark. Why would she listen to people who thought it was weird she was acting dedicated towards her work for once?

She knew why, of course. It was the best thing she could do not to think of Sahara in any way, shape or form. Whatever had happened last night, Naoka could overcome. She just needed some time to block everything out and then preferably never see Sahara again in her life. That was all she wanted in her life.

With how Naoka’s brain didn’t want to let it go, no matter how hard she tried to force it to, it was quickly becoming her number one wish.

For now, she finished her lunch, or as much of it as she could stomach, before returning to work. At least that would give her a few more hours to occupy her hands and mind with something. Just a few hours, then rest of her weekend was free.

Her phone beeped in her pocket for the millionth time today. It was another message, but she didn’t look from who. She ignored it like all the other two dozen messages she got.

Naoka sighed. She was certain she wasn’t going to enjoy the next few days.

\---------

For half the way home, Naoka was at peace. Her thoughts were calm, for once, her focus on all the classes she had to study for during the weekend and the projects she had to finish. One in particular was a design that still existed only as a sketch because she wanted to get the maximum out of her art before drawing it out fully. If she hadn’t also submitted it as her goal for the year, she would have taken even more time with it that she had.

So drawn was Naoka into her thoughts that at first she didn’t notice where her feet sent her. It was just a place on her usual route home, a quiet little park with a little river flowing through it. Only when she noticed she was right at the center of the bridge over it did she realize.

She was standing where her and Sahara’s standard meet-up place after classes was.

All at once, the dam Naoka had built inside her brain broke apart as if it was made from dirt instead of concrete. The images from last night struck her like a slideshow that she couldn’t turn off no matter how much she wanted to. Her memories were usually hazy, but last night was a bright beacon full of detail, from the sight of those drawings to the touch of Sahara’s short, wet, silky hair to the strength she used to throw her into that wall.

Leaning over the bridge, Naoka screamed. Once her lungs ran out of air, she remembered she was still in a public place. She turned her head in both sides, checking if there was anybody and letting out a relieved sigh when it wasn’t.

Then she screamed again until her lungs burned.

It didn’t make Naoka feel any better. Her lungs were on fire but she could ignore that because her mind was the real issue. She was seriously asking herself what her deal was. This just didn’t make sense. Why would finding out Sahara’s identity made her feel so many weird things? Why did seeing those drawings make her think... that... whatever it was that she really thought at the time. It really didn’t make sense to her. Finding out a friend was not normal was nothing special. There were many queer people in the world, and it’s not like Naoka counted herself among the completely normal ones either. She couldn’t have been, still pursuing Ishida even without the previous intensity. It was one of the pillars of her life, the same way her dislike of Nishimiya was.

Taking another look to confirm again nobody saw her in this state, Naoka started walking again. There was still a little while before she would arrive home, enough that she could decide what to do. The list went:

1\. Get rid off even more of Sahara’s things in the apartment.

2\. Sleep a good night’s sleep.

3\. Find out if that dyke Sahara really was at Nishimiya’s and give her an even worse beating. She deserved it for putting her through all this.

4\. Ignore what she thought at seeing those drawings. There was no way she could have thought that for real, so why bother pretending it was?

Naoka was halfway to the apartment complex once she formulated all of her decisions. They were more than satisfying - they gave her a purpose. It would return everything back to where it was before, for better or worse, and she would be happy to return it to such a state. Even though her mind was a tempest of thoughts she didn’t want to think and images she didn’t wish to see alongside the list she made for herself, she allowed herself to smile slightly. People, cars, streets passed right by her without her taking note of anything. When she was on the warpath like this, there was no stopping her.

To clear her mind, Naoka put earphones on and started her music on shuffle. Listening to songs relaxed her, at least as long as she played them. It made for a nice walk for the rest of the way back, her focus on the music and on the list she was going to do. She almost didn’t notice when she started climbing the apartment complex stairs, slowly getting to the mid-level floor where her place was. Whistling a tune, Naoka turned the key to her apartment, not realizing it was already unlocked. She didn’t even see anyone at first once she entered it. Her focus was on the current song - _Natural Born Sinner_ \- and on taking off her shoes and jacket.

Only when Naoka ran into someone did things click in her mind. Only when she took a better look who it was did another few, far more ominous clicks happen. Standing in front of her was Nishimiya Shouko, her face both mad and gentle, her arms crossed as if she was unaffected by Naoka running into her. There was absolutely no universe, Naoka knew, in which this kind of an encounter would be anything but a bad thing for her. This one, however, was definitely going to be worse than that. So much worse, in fact, that Naoka wanted someone to shoot her through the head and be done with it. Naoka didn’t want this.

She didn’t want to realize just how beautiful Nishimiya looked like, that her dark pink hair was perfect to tangle her hands in or how inviting those brown eyes looked. Had her cheeks always looked so cute and squishy? Did those lips always look so soft or her neck so perfect for leaving kisses?

Naoka tried to cut those thoughts in the stem with as much as speed as she could. But, as she stared at Nishimiya, wide-eyed with horror, she knew she was thoroughly, utterly fucked.


	4. Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From a bad day to a worse day, was there anything that couldn't go wrong for Ueno?

The initial onslaught of sign language and broken, almost incomprehensible, angry Japanese was totally lost on Naoka. Her mind was too stunned to comprehend what just went through it, locked in a battle to push what she didn’t want to know away. Only when Nishimiya took her by the shoulders and shook her - the touch pleasant, but also shocking her like a thunderbolt - was she brought back to her senses. Somewhat.

„What? What’s your problem?” Naoka yelled, her tone harsh. She had learned how to use a decent bit of sign language, but most of her knowledge centered around understanding the signs. There was no need for more since she found a way to talk to Nishimiya without them. This time, however, Nishimiya wasn’t anywhere near as calm as she would be before.

Nishimiya sighed, though her eyes retained that gentleness Naoka would rather it disappeared. She started off slower this time, but every word had an edge like they carried a knife over Naoka’s neck:

„What happened? Why did you do that to Miyo-chan?”

„Why do you care? It’s not like this affects you in any way, Nishimiya.” Naoka replied, putting as much defiance in each word as she could.

Nishimiya looked at her determinedly. „Miyo-chan is my friend. Even if she went elsewhere in her state, I would still be hurt and scared for her. She was bleeding from her nose and can’t even move from the pain.

So, what happened? Why did you do that to Miyo-chan?”

At first, Naoka winced at Nishimiya’s words. Hearing her describe Sahara’s injuries should have made Naoka feel happy, but it only gave her unease and... no, she wasn’t going to think on this any longer. If Nishimiya wanted to argue with her over this, she was welcome to try.

Naoka got into Nishimiya’s face, trying to intimidate her. It failed, both cause Nishimiya stood her ground and because getting closer to her just flooded those thoughts anew. Still, Naoka persevered, saying as menacingly as she could:

„Why are you bothering me? Didn’t she tell you already what I did to her? Isn’t that more than enough to stay at her side and dote on her misery?”

„I want to hear your side of the story.”

Naoka blinked before laughing like a maniac. Was Nishimiya really serious with this? On second thought, of course she was. That girl was persistent as hell in getting the group back together a year ago despite everything that happened. Sometimes, Naoka wished she had her patience. At other times, like now, she wanted to punch her face so hard for it.

„What do you want me to tell? That I was a raging bitch and that I should grovel to you in apology, and also prostrate myself in front of Sahara and everyone else too? Or should I detail everything just so you can mock me silently behind those eyes as you love to do? It’s not like you can deny that you’re doing that right now, no matter how _compassionate_ you’re trying to look, you asshole.”

Naoka turned away from her, her hands forming tight fists, so tight her knuckles went white.

„I’d rather you just fuck off and get the hell away from here.”

Nothing happened. For a few moments, Naoka dared hope this would be enough for Nishimiya to go away. She was ready to collapse the moment that blissful event happened.

The firm hands on her shoulders, turning her back around, dissuaded her from that dream promptly.

„This is not like you.” Nishimiya signed, her gaze full of steel, her lips a straight line, though that goddamn gentleness didn’t go away.

Naoka swatted her arms away. „Ha! What do _you_ know about me? You can barely even hear what I can say! Don’t make me laugh!”

Nishimiya shook her head. „Maybe I don’t know. I can understand so little, although I try so hard. But, I can’t shake off the feeling that something else is going on with you. There’s only one person that could get you to do something like this before, and that is Shouya. You finding out about Miyo-chan...”

She ignored Naoka bristling at calling Ishida by his name. That was another thing Naoka would need to get used to. There was something else to focus on now, though.

„What about me finding out about Sahara?” she asked defiantly. There was the implication that Nishimiya knew about what she was, but Naoka wasn’t sure she wanted to ask.

There was no hardness on Nishimiya’s face, just a questioning look as she signed:

„I don’t understand how seeing those pictures made you do the same terrible thing you did to me after Shouya fell off that balcony to save me. I want to know so I can help, in any way I can.”

Naoka’s mind darkened like a spell to usher an eternal night was cast. Nishimiya just had to remind her of _that_. She just _had_ to mention it, here and now, after Naoka had pretty much forgotten it happened. She just had to play the victim card and savior card all at once, just like always. It was just another reminder how they could never truly be friends, regardless of whatever was happening to Naoka now.

She stepped closer to Nishimiya and pointed a finger at her. Everything inside her was furious, her face instinctively mirroring her feelings.

„How _dare_ you mention that? How _dare_ you even consider that what’s happening now is in any way similar to what happened then?

Hahaha, who am I kidding? You would think that, wouldn’t you? It’s not like you changed one bit from who you were before! Why would I want help from someone like you? You, who can’t even realize that I still love Ishida so much that I feel like I’m about to burst whenever you two so much as glance at each other?”

Naoka grabbed her by the hem of her jacket. „Don’t you see? It’s _Ishida_ who is supposed to be the one! _Ishida_ , and no one else! And Sahara is... Sahara is...”

The last bit of strength left Naoka. Instead of grabbing Nishimiya threateningly, she was clutching onto her for dear life. She didn’t want to collapse at Nishimiya’s feet like a pathetic moron. The last time Naoka had felt this tired was so long ago that she almost forgot how it felt like. Nishimiya was frantically looking around for something, Naoka didn’t know what. She didn’t care, in any case. The exhaustion was so overwhelming, like a huge wave on a stormy ocean, and she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer.

\------

When Naoka woke up again, it was the dead of the night.

The room was so dark at first that she couldn’t see a thing as she brought herself upright. Her body felt like double her weight and her eyes burned as if she hadn’t just slept for however long. Naoka’s phone read that it was 2 am, but she had no idea when she passed out to know how much time passed. At least her mind was clear enough to remember passing out, and all the embarrassment that came with it.

Seriously, passing out in Nishimiya’s arms? That was the stuff of _nightmares_.

Naoka slipped out of her bed, unsurprised to realize she was still in yesterday’s clothes. That was her first goal now - to get a bath and get into fresh clothes. She had to take advantage of the current peaceful state of her mind. Though her knowledge of psychology was rudimentary, Naoka knew just that much that all the emotional overload of the past two days must have emptied her of everything, at least for the moment. She had so many things to think about, that much was clear, but Naoka was going to save it for later.

Her eyes hadn’t adjusted fully to the dark yet, because if they had, she’d have noticed the silhouette between the bed and the door. Naoka ran into it, jumping back from sheer surprise. After a few moments of nothing, she took a closer look at what was in front of her. The little bit she could see in the darkness gave her just enough of a picture to realize it was a person sitting in an armchair, sleeping. Naoka had a guess as to who it was, but she still pulled out her phone and checked to see that yes, it was Nishimiya.

Nishimiya was such a moron for doing this crazy „care” thing with her. Still incomprehensible, even after more than a year of learning about each other. There were no words to explain this level of idiocy.

There was, on the other hand, the temptation to wake her up immediately, but she couldn’t face her yet. Just a bit more time was all she needed as she slipped past the armchair, thankful she was thin enough to be able to do it. Naoka still had no idea why Sahara liked- no, she wasn’t going to think of that yet. Shower. She had to shower.

One shower later and a fresh change of clothes, Naoka sprawled herself on the couch with a pack of leftovers from yesterday. The TV had some bad crime investigation show on which Naoka would never watch in any other circumstance. Now, she needed it on for the background noise, so she could hopefully get some sleep before the nightmare resumed.

Naoka struggled to keep her focus on the show and the cliche plot-line going in it. However, no matter how tough it was too keep her eyes open, sleep didn’t come. Her thoughts drifted off everywhere as she watched the city lights from a side window instead. It was more a collection snapshots passing through her mind than anything organized, though at least calm enough at first not to freak out over them. Memories from middle school, memories with her family, memories from a year ago...

In those memories, Sahara was on the fringes, an unimportant character in Naoka’s life. That was, if she was even in the picture at all. Even when they shared classes again in high school, they were acquaintances at best. Ishida was the dominant force, the one Naoka brought all her attention to(and Nishimiya by proxy). He was such a handsome boy, smart when he wanted to be and always fun to be around. Though he was much more depressing and shut-in when Naoka met him again, he still held that same aura about him, if muted.

There was a whole lot less Ishida and a whole lot more Sahara since Nishimiya came back into the picture. He became whipped to Nishimiya, stayed behind in the home town because it was still too much for him to me. Naoka didn’t, couldn’t, give up, but Ishida wasn’t her only aspiration in life. Fashion was something Naoka was great at, and with Sahara improving her own skill in design, she had a great shot at breaking out in the fashion world. One of Naoka’s favorite fantasies was winning a huge contest amongst real competitors, with Ishida watching the show and realizing what he was missing out on exactly. He would run over to her on the podium and kissed her silly in front of everyone.

Such a silly little dream, something that would never, ever happen. Naoka had nothing else left after _the events_ , so she allowed herself to indulge in it, and other fantasies like that, often.

Naoka realized it had been a long while since she had thought of them. Ever since she began sharing this place with Sahara, her focus was solely on her work and her studies. Sahara and everyone else were still her closest friends, helping her through her first year of college. Despite the obvious lack of one member of the group, it worked out, somehow. They spent so many great nights together that Naoka lost count.

And Sahara...

The show had shifted into something indiscernible while the city lights faded with the slow appearance. That same dream of winning the contest followed Naoka to sleep, but there was something off. Ishida - it should have been Ishida, was as tall and lanky as ever, and as pretty, but the details of the face blurred as he ran onto the stage to kiss.

Her mind shut down before she could find out who it was.

\------

In the morning, Naoka had other things to deal with.

She would never admit it, but she was the slightest bit grateful for Nishimiya’s presence. The idiot not only covered her with a blanket, she also prepared some breakfast and tea and was being an all-round nuisance with her presence. For a girl who couldn’t speak, she had other ways of being loud. Naoka didn’t need that now, but at the moment, she wasn’t going to hold it against her.

Unless she continued staying here, watching TV beside Naoka like a concerned mother hen. Naoka wasn’t sure what she was going to do then, but it would be something.

„Can’t you leave already? I _know_ you have other stuff to do than this.” she signed/said to Nishimiya, exasperated. Unfortunately, Nishimiya smiled at her in a way that said no, but at least it was sincere.

„I want to make sure you’re okay.” she signed.

„I _am_ okay now. Sort of. I think.”

Nishimiya gave her a look of clear disbelief.

„Okay, I don’t know how I feel about anything right now. _Something_... or I dunno, there’s just...

Look.”

Naoka turned to Nishimiya completely before putting her head into her hands. She wanted to show she was serious, but she had only frustration to show.

„I need some time alone to think things through. I can’t do that with you around.”

„And Miyo-chan?”

„I...”

Naoka knew that the real question there was Nishimiya asking her if Sahara could return to their apartment. She had no answer to that, or anything related to Sahara. Other girls, including Nishimiya, Naoka could manage right now. Nishimiya being so close to her did... _annoy_ her in that same weird way like yesterday, but at least she was aware of it now. There was no going down that path of thinking what that annoyance meant.

Just another can of worms to be opened another day.

„She should stay at your place for now.” Naoka declared all of a sudden. „I’m sure she won’t be able to stand my face right now, and I don’t know what to do either.”

That part was right - Naoka wanted to think of a plan of action, to find out what was happening to her. Everything happened so fast though, something she reveled in usually but had no reference for this situation. It left her as aimless as a washed-up useless NEET, and somehow even worse than that.

„She can stay at my place for as long as she needs or wants to.” Nishimiya signed and nodded. Her face turned grave after she said that, though. „But, just so I’m sure, promise me you won’t do anything rash if I go home. It is true that I don’t want to babysit you, but I will if I need to.”

Oh, damn her. Nishimiya was really good at pushing her buttons, but Naoka respected both her logic and her honesty. The truth was that if she had any idea what to do, she would have been doing it already, but that fact was staying zipped behind her lips.

„I promise I won’t do anything rash.” she replied in a bored, exasperated way. Nishimiya accepted it, thankfully.

„Okay. I’ll hold you to that, Ueno.”

Nishimiya got up from her seat, now smiling contentedly, and turned to leave. With a cheerful „Goodbye!” after putting on her shoes and jacket, she left the apartment.

„Goodbye!” Naoka called out behind her when a sudden sadness fell over her. The lightness she felt during this morning was gone, replaced again by the dread of the last few days. It struck her by total surprise, especially because she could not place where it came from or why.

It was probably nothing, she decided, a bit angry at herself for getting that way. She had a plan of action to hatch, and nothing was going to stand in her way of that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much faster upd8, which is great ! Let's hope I get even faster at them. Ueno is so hard to write tho ! I love it and I love her, but it's still a bit tiring.
> 
> Also, if anyone was confused by Shouko calling Ueno by her name, Ueno would get irritated at Shouko calling her *anything* that's not her name, so Shouko had to adapt to that.
> 
> Please kudo and comment, you can give me any sort of comment I love them all !


	5. Curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally starts doing something about the whole situation... at least for herself, that is.

Naoka fiddled with her pencil, uselessly staring at the blank paper in front of her. She put it down like she was going to draw something, but even simple lines were too hard for her today. The trash bag full of paper was a testament to that.

She groaned and threw the pencil in the trash, hard enough for it to break. Looking at the blank paper was like watching the most scary part of a horror - something Naoka braved to do but would rather curl up in a ball and close her eyes.

Curling up in a ball on her chair was what she settled for.

Design was something Naoka had an eye for since she was a kid. Her ability to pick out the cutest or most trendy clothes was always great, to everyone’s delight. At least, everyone that mattered at the time. After that, she started with doodling her own ideas between classes she could until that eventually expanded to drawing them out in full. It was as easy as breathing, even with all the effort Naoka had to put into it. Hard work was as crucial to success as the ability she possessed, though just how much work she put into this was a secret to almost everyone.

Three weeks passed since Naoka produced anything worthwhile. Every attempt was in the trash she tossed out only once there was too much of it not to get on her nerves. She put little effort in cleaning the place at all, clothes strewn everywhere in a mess only she could navigate. Her lack of energy was cooping her up in blankets and watching TV mindlessly while eating take-out food she ordered.

Going to class was as much of an ordeal. Naoka would always just make it to the last metro that would get her to her university on time. She took no notes during them, just listened to the lecturers or did the tasks on the computer in the easiest way she could. Taking notes wasn’t a necessity for her either, but it counted extra to see a student be diligent in the professor’s eyes. Naoka cared for that little in general, but she knew that that was an advantage for her if she wanted to succeed. It wasn’t enough to give the effort now.

The worst part wasn’t that. Without fail, Naoka would be invited after the classes to hang out either with some of her class acquaintances or her friends. Turning them down proved to be more challenging the longer this went on. Kawai was the easiest to turn away with a few haughty words, with Mashiba following her in tow like an always-earnest lapdog. Nagatsuka was as enthusiastic as always, especially with Ishida alongside him, which left Naoka exhausted. Ishida, at least, was willing to leave her alone without much of a fight. Naoka would always hope he’d do something more, but it didn’t matter that he never did either. It was expected.

The idiot Nishimiya was the most persistent one, evidently trying her best to get her out of this slump, but Naoka escaped her clutches every time. Just talking to Nishimiya reminded Naoka of _her_ , and just thinking of her was enough for Naoka to lose even a bit of drive she scrounged up during the day.

Naoka took off from the chair and flopped onto the bed. It felt like she was slowly edging towards the end of a cliff, unable to stop herself from falling. She wanted to reach for the edge with her hands, but they were too weak. _She_ was too weak, she knew now. The source of all of this was too apparent now. It wasn’t Sahara, although she still shared a part of the blame for this whole mess for making her see _that_. Naoka just... facing it... it meant change.

Naoka hated change.

She still hadn’t truly forgotten the fact that Shimada and Hirose were decidedly not a part of this group her friends formed, nor had she forgotten what their lives were before Nishimiya came into the picture. Though she fought tooth and nail against it, a bitter battle only she was interested in fighting, she had to accept her defeat eventually. Adapting to that set of circumstances was as daunting as the knowledge that Nishimiya and Shouya were together was, but she did it. Somehow.

But trying to accept the... _possibility_ of the idea of the thought of her not only liking boys was worse than that. How could she betray Ishida, still so close to her heart? Even worse, how could she betray him with _another girl_? How much worse would the change be this time?

 _But then_ , a thought popped into her head, _hasn’t everything changed already_?

Naoka groaned at the depressing thought, wishing she could shut it out. She knew it was true, though. Lying down like this, as listless as a zombie, was proof enough. That she couldn’t design even a simple t-shirt as if she was a boring accountant in a government firm was proof enough. She couldn’t think of one thing that happened since she saw the contents of Sahara’s notebook that could not be thrown on a heap of evidence.

That was depressing enough that Naoka wanted to straight up hurl herself over that cliff instead of let herself simply fall off of it. The ground would hit much faster, which was a plus in this situation.

How pathetic, Naoka realized. How incredibly pathetic of her to reach this kind of a low. People who were brought so low as this were the ones Naoka mocked mercilessly. The irony was not lost on her, making her laugh with desperation. She used to face adversity head on without fear, a shining knight charging through her enemies! That anything could bring her down like this was just unfathomable. It clicked just how angry she should be, not at the circumstances, but at herself for avoiding the issue. And not only was she angry now, she was absolutely furious.

Naoka stood up and stretched like she hadn’t in a while. The anger gave her some energy, hopefully enough that she could do what she wasn’t able to do before. A part of her still didn’t want to do it, preferring to lie down and forget about everything until it disappeared. As tempting as it sounded, that part of herself was the one she shut up now.

One deep breath so her heart would calm down a bit. It wasn’t really helpful, but the intention was there. Naoka needed to start with one thing at a time so she wouldn’t end up as bad as before. To that end, she threw everything away from her desk on the floor. It would have ended up in trash anyway, but that could wait a while longer. She brought out her laptop from its resting place beneath the desk, plugged it in and opened it. There was no way she could trust her memories after everything, so she needed a fresh perspective.

Once Chrome opened, the google search was simple - Naoka entered ‘girls’ and got a huge number of pictures. They ranged from exactly what she was looking for, which was pretty girls of the same age as her, but also a lot of what she didn’t need. She supposed she should have just entered ‘pretty girls’ from the start. That result ended up a lot better.

„Crap.” Naoka muttered, taking an actual look at the pictures in front of her instead of glossing over them as she used to. She knew from before that girls were pretty, but now, she was struck with the same feeling from when she saw those sketches and when Nishimiya awaited Naoka in her apartment. It was the same one that happened when she saw a boy she would be attracted to - a lowkey want to close the distance between them, get to know them, flirt if they turned out to have some brain on their shoulders.

A cold sweat broke over her, a way worse one than when she found a pretty boy like that. Naoka never seriously considered doing anything in a situation like that. Ishida was the one boy she wanted to get her hands on. No matter what they did, the others just never measured up. But these girls...

No, she couldn’t be sure yet, not by a longshot. More proof was required, something that would be much more concrete. Naoka hadn’t planned this far ahead, or at all, so she was out of ideas already. She closed the tab with the pretty girls and sighed, slightly disappointed despite the weird mess of feelings fluttering inside of her. Mindless searching through internet was what she decided to do now, with her laptop already open.

The previous anger still lingered, but it dissipated a lot, leaving her listless as a torn leaf in a breeze. If it were night, Naoka would have considered going to bed, satisfied with the progress she made today. It wasn’t big, but she did _something_ , at least. Naoka didn’t want to examine what that something meant yet fully. She was running on low batteries for what felt like _forever_ , so it was probably the best idea.

6:04 pm. The time on her laptop taunted Naoka with how slow it changed. She wasn’t one of those people who could sleep anywhere or anytime and still be able to sleep a full night’s sleep. Regrettably, she opened up another tab for pixiv, another site she hadn’t checked in a while. Twitter and Facebook and all the others proved to be useless in wasting time. Naoka still asked herself why she had most of these accounts, especially with all the people wanting something from her. At least on pixiv, she could count on finding some good art, and it was quiet otherwise.

Naoka was lucky today. Several professional artists posted a collection of clothes designs as well as drawings from her favorite shows. Although Naoka took good care not to copy any idea off of another person, a lot of her inspiration came from those artists. She could get lost inspecting some of their art like she went into a labyrinth without a light... which was exactly what she was doing now. They were just too good not to enjoy them like that.

So good that it took Naoka a few minutes to realize what the current picture she was staring at actually depicted. The skimpy clothes of the three women were definitely not something she would ever wear - the violet-haired woman on the left and the red-haired woman in the center of the picture wore practically see-through short, white dresses, and the blonde woman on the right a black one-piece swimsuit that was somewhat more chaste - but that wasn’t the problem. The trio were in such an intimate pose - the violet-haired woman practically laying her head on the red-haired woman’s right shoulder, a shy hand right below the impressive boobs; the blonde leaning onto the red-head, her hand on the red-head’s thigh.

This amazing artwork brought Naoka fully awake again. Her breath hitched; a wave of strange warmth spread through her. An idea surfaced from the most indecent parts of her mind, one that could give her what she was looking for. Naoka was too enchanted by that picture to consider it could overwhelm her just like before. Like a spell was placed on her, she closed everything else before she opened the first porn site that came to her mind.

Naoka wasn’t crazy about something like that. Sometimes, she needed a bit of help when her own imagination failed her. She never strayed too far out of the more standard stuff - at worst, two men doing it with each other was what she searched for - but she never considered looking at sex between two women. Her head was clear enough to know she didn’t need to just search for any videos like that, but the more honest and sensual kind she knew must have existed. It was all staged, of course, Naoka had no doubt about that. It _was_ porn, in the end. But...

The more real it looked, the better she would know if her own feelings, the warmth building up inside of her, were true. Or, so she hoped.

It took fifteen minutes to find a video she wanted to watch under a whole lot of stuff Naoka was definitely not in the mood right now. She had almost given up, reason returning to her mind the more time passed and apprehensiveness about the whole idea building up inside of her. The moment Naoka found it, she clicked on it so she couldn’t change her mind.

When it finished playing, instead of clearance, Naoka only grew more confused. Her body certainly liked it - she had to take off her sweater because she was getting too hot - and the constant thought in her mind was that she was an idiot for not watching something like this sooner. The closeness of it, the sensuality, the sheer beauty of the two women and the sex was something to see. But...

She was so empty after it, like she didn’t really watch it at all. She had no idea what it meant. Sure, it was more obvious to her that she might really like girls that way... though she just couldn’t bring herself to accept that this was enough. If only there was _anything_ inside of her now, even that she found the porn disgusting or amazing, Naoka would at least have something to orient herself by. She just couldn’t know for sure.

Couldn’t, or didn’t want to know. Naoka wasn’t sure which was which yet, or if it was both. She was certainly keeping Ishida as the number one, the thing that was the one clear point in all this mess. It just seemed like it was slipping away...

Naoka shook her head to get rid of that terrible thought. Maybe it was that she was tired as hell too, drained like a well in a drought. It was still too early to sleep, but Naoka stopped caring about that little snag. Not caring worked for her the past few weeks, so it would work for her today too. Naoka closed her laptop, shut down the lights, changed into her pajamas for the first time in weeks, and snuggled into her bed.

She barely got herself comfortable before she drifted off to sleep.

\-----

The metro announcer signaled it was about to arrive at the station. Naoka stood unmoving,tense, hiding the intense nervousness she felt to the best of her ability. This was her stop. Her destination was only a couple of blocks away, a small cafe bar tucked in between market stalls of a local flea market. It was supposed to be one of those chill little cafes that didn’t mind people slightly under the drinking age to enter.

And also a prominent hang-out spot for lesbians her age, according to Naoka’s colleague from the same year.

Naoka woke up this morning rested like she hadn’t in a month. It made sense, given that she slept for more than twelve hours total. That alone was enough to put her in a good mood of sorts. Things were beginning to look up... at least, until she was reminded that there was still a lack of one person in their apartment. A person she was not sure how to sort out her feelings for, or even her attraction towards simply other girls.

Her mood was still a bit better because she wasn’t so fucking tired, but she needed a resolution this whole mess. It was so ridiculous how she couldn’t get through this, like she needed to actually kiss a girl to find out.

Naoka dropped the toothbrush into the sink, the obviousness of it all making her want to facepalm herself so hard.

That was how she found herself stepping onto this station, after asking for advice from the one person she knew for sure was a lesbian that was not Sahara. The girl wasn’t willing to listen to her original request - namely, that Naoka would try it with her - but she did tell Naoka of her destination. It took a lot of reassuring that she was doing it in good faith before she told her. She also told Naoka not to blurt out the exact reason why she was going there, especially not in the way Naoka told her.

It was hard to keep herself from blushing even now at the humiliation those words brought. That was the second time today that Naoka wanted to facepalm herself into oblivion. She hoped it was the last time.

The air was unusually cold and windy for the end of April, even with the sunny weather. It was a good thing Naoka put on her trusty, thick black leather jacket, a gift from a year ago when it started to get cold. It went well with the rest of her outfit, which was a snug dark blue sweater over a band t-shirt, standard ripped blue jeans and martens boots.

The street she was walking through right now wasn’t a busy one, mostly full of older, run-down homes, apartment complexes and supermarkets. She just needed to cross once the traffic subsided a bit, since she was too lazy to walk some more until she reached a crossing. There was no rush anyway. Naoka could do this anytime, if she wanted to.

„Oh, Nao-chan! What are you doing here?” asked a voice from Naoka’s left, one that sounded distinctly like Kawai’s. She turned around to regard her friend, who was carrying a couple of large plastic bags in her hands. Naoka would have preferred not to have seen her right now, with how much she had going on, but it was already too late for that.

„Hi, Kawai. What are you doing here?” she asked as politely as she could muster.

„It’s been a while since I shopped for groceries so I had to buy a bunch. I probably should have done it sooner, but classes got in the way.”

Oh, right. Naoka forgot that Kawai lived in this area. She should have been more careful about it.

„Anyway, I’m glad to see you up and about. Were you coming to see me or?”

„No. I have somewhere else I should go, actually.”

Naoka was glancing at the road all the time and tapping her foot impatiently in the hopes of Kawai getting the hint. As always, no luck.

„That’s a shame. You haven’t been to my place ever since what happened with Miyoko-chan. Even more than that, I think.” Kawai replied, a sad expression on her face as she said that.

„Yeah, well, a lot has been going on. I’m feeling fine now, so I’d be up for hanging out soon, probably.”

„Oh that’s great! I’m really happy about that! But...”

„But?” Naoka asked pointedly, not liking this one bit.

„I’m a bit worried about our group. After that terrible thing you did to Miyoko-chan... I don’t know how things will turn out. I never expected you to do something like that, or for that reason!”

Naoka looked at Kawai with the most unamused expression, mimicking the ‘-.-’ emote as best as she could. She was not about to take this from her, especially when she attempted to do that fake righteous facade at her.

„Haven’t you set Mashiba loose on a girl after claiming that she was your lesbian stalker? Except it turned out that she did nothing of the sort, just had the worst misfortune of getting a crush on _you_.”

Kawai’s face stretched into the epitome of shock and horror. Naoka would have laughed if she had the patience for it, but she just spotted an opening to cross the street and she wasn’t going to let it go. She would probably need to apologize for this later, but there were other priorities to address.

„Anyway, I gotta run. We’ll talk some other time, Kawai. Goodbye!” she waved to Kawai as she crossed the street. Kawai turned furious too late for Naoka to get the brunt of her outburst, for now. Luck was on her side again with another bout of heavy traffic passing through, shielding her from being followed. She heard something about how „that wasn’t what happened” and „how can you lie like that” before the cars muted Kawai’s voice.

Naoka found the street she was looking for, full of colorful market stalls she would maybe have inspected at some other time in detail. Her goal was right in the middle of the street and to the left, slightly hidden by a particularly large stall of various clothes. The brown-painted building was kind of old, but in seemingly in good shape, and the little bit of the interior of the cafe bar that Naoka could see looked nice and comfortable.

She breathed in deeply, every bit of nervousness she forgot during her conversation with Kawai now back in full force. It was almost impossible to ignore, so much so that Naoka stood there like a statue for a while before she shook her head and went in the place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably never mentioned this, but I hate Kawai with every single fiber of my being. Somehow, Koe no Katachi not only gave me a cast I love, the most angelest angel to have ever angeled to love, but also one of the characters that goes on my "worst characters ever" list. It's pretty weird, I guess.
> 
> Also, the art piece that got Ueno the idea to search for porn is actually from the Limited Edition of Nights of Azure 2: Bride of the New Moon. You should check the game out cause it's pretty decent in general and it's gay as fuck.


	6. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueno finds out what she was seeking all this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you'll notice something different about this chapter (and if you reread the previous ones, them too now). Instead of Ueno, now she refers to herself as Naoka. Turns out, cause I'm such an idiot and I feel so dumb and annoyed about it, I really thought for the longest time that her name is Ueno and her surname Naoka, when it was the opposite(same goes for Sahara and Kawai, actually - both are surnames, while Miyoko and Miki are their names). I actually feel super ashamed because of this mistake, especially since I love and cherish Koe no Katachi so much and I analyzed it waaaay too much...
> 
> But, what's done is done. I fixed stuff now, though seriously I'm pretty sure it'll be as weird to you all to read Ueno referring to herself as Naoka as it will be for me to write it. It *is* her first name, so there's no reason she would refer to herself with her surname.

Naoka realized she had no idea what to do now that she was inside.

There was little distinguishing the cafe from so many other ones. It was relatively small, with rock-style posters and trinkets scattered around in a haphazard way that somehow still worked. More modern pop-music played from the large speakers in one corner of the place, which suited Naoka just fine. Aside from regular tables, it also had a few booth-like places to sit. Naoka went for one of the unoccupied booths after a bit of indecision. Standing around like an idiot was reserved for other people, and it would be easier to get some ideas after ordering something anyway.

Especially with everyone’s eyes on Naoka. Maybe she was just uncomfortable given her situation, but it was like everyone took a note of her and kept her in the corner of their eyes. She was certain at least one girl from this half-full cafe checked her out head to toe, but Naoka paid it no mind at the moment. Collecting herself was the first task before doing anything about her original intention.

The place she chose for herself was pretty good - it gave her a nice view of most of the room and it was super comfortable. Naoka was lucky that the place wasn’t crowded because the waitress immediately came to her table. After ordering a cup of green tea with milk, Naoka settled in her seat and took out her phone. She didn’t need it for real, but at least it would appear to everyone else like she was here just for a cup of tea. It left her alone enough to start thinking.

The waitress arrived sooner than Naoka expected, though, breaking Naoka out of her half-formed ideas. She regarded the waitress better now and realized she was a beautiful middle-aged lady. Her short black hair framed her face well, just shy of covering her green eyes, and she had a nice outfit under her apron.

„I haven’t seen you around here before, young lady!” the waitress said as she put the tea on the table.

„Yes, ma’am. It’s my first time here.” Naoka replied after a second. Maybe she was bored with little work to do so she came to chat up Naoka for the moment.

„I’m always glad to see new faces come here. It’s mostly regulars here unless someone brings a new girlfriend with themselves or stumbles here randomly like you.”

„Yeah, it can be a bit repetitive. My job at a grocery store isn’t any better either.”

Naoka didn’t want to make small talk with the waitress, but with the pointed way she was speaking and her stern face, there was probably another reason why the waitress was doing it. When her face softened up into a smile, that confirmed it for Naoka, though she didn’t know what the problem was.

„Well, I’m glad you’re working, at least. Some of the girls here didn’t lift a finger in their whole lives.”

„You know damn well where I lifted my fingers, Kohaku-san!” spoke a girl from a nearby table, to which the whole cafe laughed. Even Naoka joined in, more from the fact that everyone laughing was too contagious than out of knowing what the joke was about. She had what she thought was a pretty good guess, though...

„Yes, and you can use them for other things as well, Toki-chan!” the waitress turned to the snickering girl and her equally amused friend for a second before appraising Naoka again. „Don’t mind them, they’re always like that. I hope you’ll enjoy your time today!”

„I’m sure I will.” Naoka replied as the waitress left.

The atmosphere of the cafe was so casual that Naoka thought that everyone could have been in their swimsuit and no one would bat an eye. It was both enjoyable and the slightest bit uncomfortable since she was an outsider from it. She shook it off internally, sipping the very good tea as she thought to herself what to do.

What her friend told her was true. This was a place for pretty much only girls to hang out at, with no boy in sight. Most of the girls were also probably lesbians, which was perfect. However, who to hang out with so Naoka could get the kiss she needed to get? That was the main problem of her plan to come here. She really should have thought everything through better... but she was here now, so she could as well get the best out of this mess.

Naoka quietly scanned the room, taking care not to seem suspicious as she also sipped her tea and played with her phone. Most of the girls were chatting with each other happily, a few having quite the obvious love-y dove-y atmosphere. It would have been cute if Naoka didn’t want what she wanted. Now, it annoyed her, lowering the potential number of girls to interact with. What was worse was that all of them were cute one way or the either - slim with heart-shaped faces and cute little laughs, tall and looking buff with short hair...

Her eyes finally found the way to that girl that spoke up while the waiter was chatting with Naoka. She took a better look before realizing that it was the girl that checked her out earlier. Her mind was too confused at that moment, but Naoka recognized her clearly now - long, red-colored hair, light blue eyes, a long face with high cheekbones and a teasing smile. The conversation she was in with her friend sure must have been something interesting with the animated way she was talking.

Then she glanced in Naoka’s way and smiled.

Naoka looked away, a slight burning in her cheeks. The girl was definitely attractive, and it was obvious she found Naoka attractive too. That made the target easier. She would have one shot here today or she’d have to find some other place to get a kiss from a girl. The home-y atmosphere just made it even clearer that, if she screwed up somehow, she would not be welcome here anymore.

Well, probably. It would at least be infinitely more awkward if she made a scene. Naoka wouldn’t mind, but only after getting what she wanted.

With her target acquired, Naoka deliberated on how to get closer to her. For a few minutes, her tea getting dangerously low as she did so, she considered something more elaborate. She stopped considering it seriously since she knew she’d never be able to pull it off. Naoka knew she was very direct in dealing with people, so she was going to do her best to make it work.

She drank the rest of her tea, and, after checking that her appearance was alright, she sauntered over to the booth the redhead and her friend were occupying.

„Mind if I join you two?”

„Oh, the new girl.” spoke the redhead casually as they both turned towards Naoka. „I don’t mind at all.”

„Yeah, me neither.” said her friend, throwing a very amused look at the redhead.

„Alright.”

Naoka seated herself beside the redhead, putting just a bit of distance between them for propriety. It was a bit difficult to do since the booths weren’t large, but it ended up okay.

„Now, what’s your name, new girl?” asked the redhead, not wasting any time. „It is rude not to introduce yourself, you know?”

„I’m sorry. My name is Ueno Naoka.”

„A cute name. I am called Satori Toki, but you can Toki-chan, if you want!”

„And I am Kadayo Tsuya, but unlike my happy friend here, I’d prefer to be called Kadayo.” she said, though with a pleasant tone in her voice. Kadayo was a pretty girl too, short with blonde hair and a dumb smile on her face.

„Understood.” Naoka nodded. She was certain enough it was a good decision to join these two girls, since Satori definitely seemed interested enough in her. That was a relief, though she didn’t show it outwardly. Hopefully.

„So, what do you do? Are you a student or are you here to waste your time away like most of us?”

„You’re saying that as if you’re not studying yourself, Toki.”

„Yes, but have you ever seen me actually studying?”

Kadayo simply shrugged, which Naoka snickered at.

„Thought so! Well, Ueno-san, what about you, already? I already know everything about my best friend, but you’re the mystery here that I would very much like to find out about!” Satori said with cheerful enthusiasm.

„To start, then, I hate formalities, so just call me Ueno.” she spoke, not really annoyed at being called so formally, although she would have ended up annoyed eventually.

„You should have said so from the start!”

„And I study fashion design at Tokyo University.”

„That’s great! I can never afford those expensive designs you see at fashion shows, but doesn’t stop me from watching them. It is such a hard life not to be able to wear what I want!” Satori said as if she would die from not being able to wear those clothes.

„I can’t afford those either. I have to work part-time just so I can live and study here.”

„That is an even bigger shame for you, then. You can at least hope your designs will get on the stage, which is not something I can look forward to. I’m just a deadbeat at a teacher’s college! It’s so boring!”

„I don’t think I could ever teach at a school.” Naoka said, getting flashbacks to the year Nishimiya arrived to her class. That ended up the worst thing ever. „Too many noisy kids to deal with.”

„I like all the noisy kids! It’s super fun to teach them, when I get the chance, which is not often.”

Naoka simply shrugged. She wasn’t too interested in continuing this conversation, so she thought of a topic to change it too. That’s when Kadayo piped in, doing that for her:

„Doesn’t Sahara Miyoko go to Tokyo University for fashion design?”

Satori’s eyes lit up at that. „Oh, you’re right, she does! I’ve seen her several times now on the runways and I can’t get over how beautiful she is! She always stands out there, especially with the clothes they have her wear!”

„Yes, I agree that she is very beautiful.” said Kadayo, then turned from Satori to Naoka. „Wouldn’t you agree, Ueno?”

Naoka must have won the lottery for the best and worst luck at the same time in the space of a minute. She did not expect Sahara to be mentioned because the odds were just not there, which is why she almost did a double take from the surprise. The good luck was for the fact Satori and Kadayo were looking at each other instead of her, which gave her just enough time to recover. Only just, though.

„Yes, I agree with that. She is a sight to see at the runway.” she said, not wanting to appear anything more than a casual observer to Satori. Naoka wasn’t obliged to spill everything about herself to this girl, so she wasn’t about to.

„You know who else would be a sight to see on the runway, though?” asked Satori, her attention back to Naoka and an enigmatic smile on her face.

„Who?”

„You would. I think the world is missing out without you there!”

Naoka was left speechless at that. That was both such a corny come-on and a genuinely-delivered compliment that she couldn’t help but blush. Thankfully, Kadayo defused the situation by laughing as hard as she could.

„Hahahaha, that was so cheesy, Toki!”

„What?! It’s true!” Satori said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Naoka cleared her throat and shook her head. „Thank you for thinking I could do that, but designing the clothes for the models is what I like to do, not the modeling part.”

Satori didn’t seem convinced. „I think you’d look great... but if it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing.”

She sighed mournfully, to Kadayo’s amusement.

„Can’t have everything in life, you know? There, there!” she said, tapping Satori’s back lightly with her hand.

„I know, I know, geez! What do you take me for, a little kid?”

„A big kid, perhaps!”

Naoka laughed alongside them, enjoying this whole conversation a lot. They were both interesting, funny girls that she would have liked to count as her friends. Satori in particular was attractive to her, attractive enough that she could take the step she wanted with her. The problem was getting to that point now, especially with her target „fighting” her best friend.

„Help, Ueno! Stop Tsuya from bullying me!” she mock-yelled as she so obviously pretended not to be able to fend off the shorter girl. Naoka rolled her eyes, but she was more endeared to the sight than anything else. She sighed, got close enough so she might as well have been embracing Satori, and „helped” Satori get free.

„Hey, it’s not fair to go two versus one!”

„I don’t think anyone said anything about fighting fair.” Naoka asked with a teasing tone in her voice. Satori grinned at that.

„You. I like you, you know.”

„Thank you.” Naoka replied as calmly as she could, not sure how serious the statement was.

„You should be grateful. I don’t say that to just about anyone!” Satori said while Kadayo behind her shook her head. Before Naoka could say anything to that, Satori spoke again:

„Say, since you are a designer... I was wondering if you would maybe be willing to design a dress for me? Just as a drawing though, anything more would be too much.”

There was something about her voice and the way she looked at Naoka that told her she wasn’t really thinking about the design at all. Even if she had, Naoka had no intention on delivering on anything like that. Her instinct told her it would be a good thing to run with the idea for now, though.

„I would first need to take your measurements to do it accurately. I don’t have anything to measure with, though.”

„Hmmm.” Satori thought to herself for a while before resignedly saying: „I have no idea. What do you think, Tsuya?”

„I think you might find something if you go upstairs.” Kadayo said with a smirk. „It might take a while to find though, you know?”

Naoka was pretty sure what she was getting at, which was perfectly fine with her so long as it didn’t go too far. It was her goal, after all.

Satori looked at her with that same look when Naoka was still at her own booth, biting her lip. „Let’s go then! If that’s okay with you?”

Naoka smiled and nodded, kicking down the nervousness that struck out of nowhere like a fence meant to be broken down.

„Great!” Satori started, turning to Kadayo for a moment before continuing, „You won’t mind if we leave you alone for a while?”

„Have fun!” was all Kadayo said in reply, leaving it so obvious that even Ishida would have gotten the implication. Satori simply got up, took Naoka by her hand and lead the way upstairs.

They barely got into an unoccupied room when Satori pressed Naoka against the wall, her hands pretty much cupping Naoka’s face. She looked like she barely held herself from kissing Naoka, the look in her eyes of someone enchanted by what she saw in front of herself. They were so close to each other, much more than Naoka had been with anyone. There was so much to take in that she had no idea how to describe it.

„I assumed a lot by this, but... is it okay if I kiss you?

„I want you to.” Naoka said, the slightest tremble in her voice. It hit her right now that this was really going to happen, that she was going to kiss this pretty girl and that she had no idea how to feel about it.

„Okay.”

Naoka closed her eyes, enjoying the pleasant tingle sent by Satori’s fingers brushing her cheeks. The kiss almost came all of a sudden, Satori’s soft lips on hers like a wave she hadn’t seen before. It was chaste, slow, like both of them were unsure of the boundaries between each other. Naoka relaxed into it soon, though, kissing Satori back more earnestly. Satori replied in kind, pressing up closer to Naoka, her tongue teasing Naoka’s lips. Naoka opened her lips just enough, knowing what Satori intended to do. She was curious - Naoka never did anything like this in her life. Satori, however, decided to simply continue teasing her like before.

Until she didn’t anymore, and Naoka’s mind went to mush. It was such an incredibly nice feeling, so intimate, the way the brushed across each others tongues and kissed so so closely together. Naoka brought her hands up to the back of the other girl’s head. This, this was exactly what she hoped for, this is what she wanted to do with Sahara so much...

_Sahara..._

Naoka pushed Satori away firmly, doing her best not to be too rough even though she wanted to be anywhere else but here right now. She couldn’t look at the girl’s face at all, sliding down the wall and huddling inside herself until she was practically a ball. There was no more energy inside her to do much else, or she’d have already bolted for the exit. The hurt noises from Satori extended into an immensely hurt „What?”, followed by angry muttering that was only just loud enough for Naoka to hear:

„Fuck, I knew this was all going too well, there was no way this could go so easily, fuck, fuck, I knew it! I am so stupid!”

Naoka said nothing, not even when a punch hit the wall above her. The girl in front of her sighed, then crouched so instead of seeing her ankles, Naoka could now see her knees.

„What the fuck is wrong with you? There must be something, like everyone else here has, some baggage that I would actually rather not know about, but you look like you’re in deep shit and I’m willing to play therapist for now. So, spill before I do something you won’t like.”

What could she say to this girl? The whole story of how this came about? Hell no, that was off limits. She didn’t want to say _anything_ at all about it, but Satori sounded dead serious when she spoke her threat. Naoka wasn’t going to elaborate, but maybe she could say enough in as short terms as possible.

„I used you.” she said, a bitter taste in her mouth as she spoke.

„Used me?” Satori asked, her voice even more pissed than before. „Don’t tell me you’re one of those straight girls that just wanted to have fun and mock us? Fuck, and I fell for that so hard, you bi-”

„No, it’s not...” Naoka said quickly, straining to find an answer that wasn’t so obviously wrong as her first one was. She had only one idea, one she had to go with.

„It’s about another girl...”

„Another... girl?” Satori asked, surprise evident in her tone. „What do you mean, another gi- oh.”

Satori went silent for a minute, as if she was mulling it over.

„Do you want to talk about it?”

„No.” Naoka said, fully aware of just how big a lie it was. If Satori saw through it, Naoka didn’t know, but she hoped not.

„Okay. Well, I have no idea what happened between you and that girl, but it must have been bad if you’re doing shit like this. I thought you had a brain on your shoulders, but I guess not.”

Naoka still said nothing, though she was slightly relieved that Satori was starting to calm down. That made this situation less of a predicament than even a minute ago.

„Seriously, you need to deal with whatever your problem is on your own. So, get up!” Satori commanded, pulling Naoka upwards by her arms. Once they both straightened up, Naoka looked at Satori properly again only to see the face of someone trying her best to hold back how hurt she felt behind a smile. Naoka was surprised to see she could stand on her own, given how listless she felt.

Then she got a slap, one that stung quite a lot.

„What the hell?” she asked, a bit of anger in her voice out of nowhere.

„That was for using me. You’re also paying for Tsuya’s drinks and mine, also for using me!”

Naoka almost cried out how massively unfair that was, except it really wasn’t and it was in her best interest not to say anything against it. She wasn’t in the condition to fight it with all her thoughts in her brain as messy as a garbage depot.

„Understood?” Satori asked pointedly, to which Naoka nodded even though she grumbled underneath her breath about it. Apparently pleased with that, given the smile she had on her face was genuine, she continued:

„Good! Since I’m still willing to play therapist, you should go home and get some rest. You look like you’ve been ran over by a truck, not kissed by a pretty girl. I hope it wasn’t that bad of an experience!”

„No, it was... good.” Naoka replied, leaving out the part that it would have been much better if it was Sahara instead. Satori smiled.

„Glad to see my kissing skill doesn’t suck. There’s that silver lining, at least.”

Satori’s face turned serious again.

„You know, you’re lucky that I kinda understand what you’re going through since it took me a while to accept I love girls. If you were just a straight girl, believe me, you wouldn’t have gotten off this easy. On that note, since it would be best for you to leave, remember this well.”

„Yes?”

„When you come next here, it better be with that girl of yours, or for me if that doesn’t work out.”

Satori left Naoka in the room, alone. This whole thing ended up being much more than Naoka bargained for. The amount of things to sort out rose like a pile of leaves in autumn, but at least one thing was clear.

Naoka really, really liked Sahara Miyoko.


	7. Reappearance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueno has a very important conversation with a couple of her important friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of this chapter was actually supposed to be a part of the last one, but that one ran so long that I decided to post this as a separate chapter now that I finished it. I hope you'll like it ! It'll be a while before I post the next one very probably, since I want to write a one-shot of Sahara's POV of the events until the end of this chapter so I can write the rest of this fic accordingly. I am not going to post it until I've finished with this fic, though, since I'd prefer to keep you in the dark about that :P
> 
> Hopefully, though, I'll have both that and the next chapter done within the next two weeks. I would say it would be a definite, by my classes are starting next week and I'm moving to an apartment in the city so I don't have to travel as much all the time as I had to before, so I'll need to adapt to that. I'll do my best to write as much as I can, though :D

Although she was not happy about it, Naoka did pay for the girls’ drinks as well as her own before she left the cafe.

She was currently leaning on the rails of the bridge of that quiet little park she passed through each day because of her job. It was the most convenient spot to meet up with someone, and Naoka was waiting on Nishimiya and Ishida to arrive there. In retrospect, breaking down here for that reason was not one of Naoka’s finest moments. It was in the past, however, so she ignored that memory as best she could. If only those two idiots would arrive already!

Yesterday, after returning home, Naoka didn’t do anything much. Processing just how much she was in the wrong during the last month took a lot out of her. The best she could do was continue the work on her assignment, for which she had some slight success after being at a roadblock for the longest time.

Today, with a clearer mind as to what to do now, she called for Nishimiya and Ishida because she had something important to talk about with them. Ishida was only tangenitally related to the whole issue - Naoka didn’t know how or where to fit her feelings for him - but she thought him being there would make it easier for... everything. It was just something in his presence, Naoka thought, that she appreciated.

A poke to her left shoulder. Naoka turned her head with a questioning look in her eyes before seeing Nishimiya to her side, Ishida right behind her. Right, Nishimiya couldn’t really speak. Naoka should have kept that in mind, but with everything else going on, it was of little bother.

„Yo!” greeted Ishida, more laidback than Naoka expected him to.

„Hi.” Naoka said and signed.

„What’s up? Are you feeling better?” signed Nishimiya, worry partially hidden behind her smile.

„I guess.” Naoka replied, turning back to watch the river below her.

„So, what’s the important thing you wanted to talk about?” asked Ishida, a little wariness in his tone.

Naoka began to say something before she found she couldn’t. The words just didn’t appear in her mind even though she was forcing her best effort to do it. Naoka knew what she wanted to say, but that didn’t matter if nothing came out of her mouth. She needed the right way to say it, and her mind was falling short of the request. It was just... so much harder than she expected it to be, especially because she wanted to save the most of it for Sahara.

Sahara was the one that needed the _explanation_  the most.

It must have taken a long time because she felt a hand on her shoulder. To her surprise, it was Ishida’s, who had a very concerned look on his face.

„Don’t tell me you’re thinking of jumping from this bridge right now?” he asked as if that could have ever been a serious question. Naoka might have liked Ishida, but she wasn’t like him, so she just laughed in his face.

„What, do you really think I would do something like that?”

„No.” he replied, although with a relieved expression. „But with everything I’ve heard, I didn’t want the possibility to happen right in front of me.”

„So, you do care?” Naoka teased, to which Nishimiya laughed. Ishida’s face changed to a combination of nervous and angry, just like usual.

„Ueno, _stop_.”

„Don’t worry, I wasn’t being serious. I’m not going to get in the way between you and Nishimiya again. You can have your pretty little-”

Naoka stopped, an idea having sprung up in her head.

„What?” both of them asked in sync.

„I just realized something. It might not mean anything much, but bear with me.”

She turned to look Nishimiya in her eyes. „Did you know, Nishimiya, that I viewed you as my rival for Ishida even as kids?”

„ _What_?” asked Ishida with incredulity while Nishimiya signed: „That’s not surprising.”

„Yeah, well, I now have to ask myself if it was just that that made me hate you so much. You were so pretty as a kid - not to speak of how beautiful you are _now_ \- that the idea that I might have had some sort of a crush on you too doesn’t seem unrealistic. What if Ishida never existed? Would I have fallen for you instead?”

Nishimiya giggled at that before replying more seriously: „I don’t like the idea of Shouya not existing, but I don’t think I would have minded being with you in that case.”

„Yeah, I figured. So you wouldn’t mind if Ishida was a girl, or something else?”

Nishimiya went in deep thought for a minute, Ishida standing beside her calmly as if they weren’t discussing something weird as hell at this moment.

„Shouya as a girl, or more girl-like... that would be a sight to see.”

„Much cuter, I think. Remind me again why we’ve both fallen for him? Certainly not for his looks.”

„He has other good qualities. A lot of them.” Nishimiya replied teasingly, poking him to his side.

„Hey! It’s not fair to team up against me like that!” Ishida protested, though it was dulled by the fact he was chuckling.

„And you, Ishida? Would you care if Nishimiya was a man?”

Ishida looked at her with the most done look Naoka ever witnessed him make. It was hilariously mismatched against that face that was so used to looking depressed, but it suited him well.

„Is that something you need to ask? I wouldn’t care one bit about something as dumb as that.”

„I’m glad.” Naoka replied earnestly, envious like a bitter old lady at the house over having a better garden than hers at how genuine their love was. It made what next she wanted to say harder, since nothing of the sort looked to be on the horizon for her. It was now or never.

Naoka sighed, then looked at them both with a serious look in her eyes.

„Please, tell Sahara to come home. I want to try and fix things up with her.”

Ishida’s expression was a confused one. „Wait, seriously?”

Naoka nodded. „Yes, seriously. I _don’t_ know if it can be fixed, but I want to try.”

He turned towards Nishimiya, who’s face radiated a beautiful smile and who’s eyes had tears at the edge of each. Everything about her seemed even happier than usual, so much so that Naoka was taken aback because of it. Ishida too found it strange by the looks of it, but Nishimiya started signing before either of them could say anything.

„I’m so glad you realized things for the better! I really hope everything will turn out well for you both!”

„Thank you for the enthusiasm,” Naoka began, „but you’re talking as if her coming back to our apartment is a done deal already. I’m not sure she would want to come back after what I did to her.”

„That is a good point.” Ishida said, earning him a slap on the shoulder from Naoka. „Hey!”

„You don’t have to be so obvious about how bad the situation is. I know it full well!” she spoke with fake anger, knowing full well she was to blame for it. Ishida chuckled for a few seconds before his usual, neutral expression returned.

„It’s good for you that you want to do this, though. I hope Sahara sees that way eventually, if she wants to.”

That reminded Naoka of the chance that Sahara might end up cutting off all contact with her. It was about as pleasant an idea as actually throwing herself to her death from a bridge... but this time, she would only have herself to blame for that.

Nishimiya started signing again, which distracted Naoka from those depressing thoughts.

„Don’t worry. I already told her I believed in you. I can’t promise she’ll listen immediately, but I think she will eventually.”

„Okay.” Naoka said and nodded. This was everything she wanted to say, at least when she asked them to meet with her, but one last question popped in her mind that she hadn’t thought to ask before.

„Hey, guys?”

„Yeah?”

„Is Sahara doing alright?”

The two looked at each other first like they wanted to communicate something between themselves before they turned back to Naoka, their expressions slightly uncomfortable.

„Miyo-chan was very shaken up for a while.” Nishimiya signed. „It was an even bigger shock to her than it was to you that that happened, and you even injured her. Thankfully, it wasn’t serious, and she’s been a lot better since.”

Both of them looked like they wanted to say something more than that, but it was clear to Naoka it was a touchy subject. She would have to pry it out of them some other time, if she couldn’t get the information from Sahara herself before that.

„Good to hear she’s doing alright.” Naoka said with a smile. She checked for her things first, then continued: „I have to go. Other things to do and everything, can’t stay and chat with you two morons all day!”

Nishimiya chuckled at that while Ishida shook his head ruefully.

„Ueno, do you seriously think we have all the time in the world just for that?” he asked, his tone exasperated

„Yes.”

„Very funny.”

Naoka shot him an unamused look, but said nothing more. She really wanted to go.

„I’m glad you’re finally okay.” Nishimiya signed. „And don’t worry, we’ll let Sahara know everything!”

„You already said so, you know!” Naoka replied, the same old feeling of annoyance burgeoning up again. „Anyway, I’m going home. See you guys around!”

„Goodbye!” signed Nishimiya before Naoka got the chance to turn away from them.

„See you around.” said Ishida, his voice already quieter with the bit of distance she covered. Naoka was thankful for that since she was sure she would have ended up at her wits’ end if she stayed any longer around those two. They would never have let her hear the end of it if they continued to fawn over this whole situation like mother hen.

She was the tiniest bit glad they were acting like that, though. Just the tiniest bit.

\-----

After work today, Naoka was ready to throw herself on her bed and sleep for a whole day. It really was her luck that the store not only had the largest crowd in a while, but also the weekly delivery at the same time. She yawned and stretched out, ignoring just how much her back felt like it was bulldozed.

She couldn’t go to bed quite yet, unfortunately for her. After coming home from meeting with the lovebirds, Naoka realized just how much study work she had neglected to do. It was more than a month of work she had to go through and catch up, with the midterms looming around the corner soon. Naoka couldn’t concentrate on that stuff before, with everything going on, or it wouldn’t have been as much of a problem as it ended up being.

That didn’t take into account all the _housework_ she would have to do, because it was plain as day that their apartment looked a lot more like a pair of stereotypical boys lived there instead of girls. It wasn’t Naoka’s line of work either, with Sahara handling more of it than she had, but she would have to make do.

With a sigh, she took off her shoes and jacket, took out some of the leftover food from yesterday from the fridge, and sat down at the desk in her room. She would have preferred if she could relax for at least a little bit, but she was still in work mode and this _really_ needed to get done.

_Maybe if Sahara was here, there could have been something better than this waiting for me to eat._

Naoka had no time for such thoughts, although she admitted they were true. She would worry about Sahara later, after she had finished at least a part of her work. It would have been ideal not to worry about her, to be sure that she would come back, but that train had passed a long time ago.

After fishing out her laptop and her textbooks, Naoka set to work, not minding that it was already becoming late.

\-----

It was almost midnight by the time Naoka finished with what she had planned for today, with the last trash bag finally dealt with and gone. She crashed on the couch like a boulder, not caring where she slept so long as she got some rest after the insane day that was today.

Snuggling in proved to be a lot more difficult than she had expected it to be. Although she had a blanket to cover herself with at hand because of how frequent her couch served as bed recently, there was something poking at her side from the inside of the couch. Naoka did her best to ignore it at first, then tried to get rid of it by smoothing it out, but to no avail. In a fit of anger, she sat on the couch and pulled on it, ready to do _something, anything_ to it!

Only to realize it was Sahara’s sketchbook she was holding in her hand.

Seeing the object that started it all again brought a strange sense of satisfaction to Naoka. She thought she had thrown it away or something, ruining another thing she found she didn’t want to have ruined at all. Naoka was absolutely exhausted, ran ragged both by everything that happened until now and especially all the work she put herself through today... but with the sketchbook back in her possession, she wanted to look through it again more than she wanted her rest.

Back on her feet, as steady as she could, Naoka went back to her room and lied down on her bed. Using an arm for support, she started browsing the sketchbook. She did it page by page, wanting to take it all in full and appreciate Sahara’s art. Naoka remembered just how terrible Sahara was at something like this years ago. As she flipped through the pages, it showed how much better Sahara had become with all the effort she took in. Thinking on it more, even the simple sketches at the start were all her best work, and all of it hidden from everyone else.

_Oh, Sahara._

It took a while, and there it was, at last. The first drawing of them kissing, hastily drawn as if Sahara was unsure about it but did it anyway. Naoka imagined her drawing it in her room or her class, indulging in something she never believed would become real, a secret little thing just for herself. She must have been happy when she drew it, probably giggling in that stupid way of hers that was adorable like a childhood plushie. The image it formed in Naoka’s mind was enough to make her smile like an idiot.

As she went through the drawings, it was obvious to her they became more detailed, more confident, like Sahara couldn’t stop drawing them. Naoka wondered just how long Sahara wanted to kiss her so much she had to draw it so many times. There were other pictures too, like a few where Sahara carried her bridal-style, or one where they walk hand-in-hand somewhere. Kisses were the most dominant ones, each pose a slight bit different. Somehow, Naoka got sucked into the details, looking at it all with fascination.

Even if everything else ended up for nothing, this was all the proof Naoka should have needed. It was definitely not normal to feel this warm or happy about looking at someone’s drawings like this, except for the most obvious reason of them all.

Naoka closed the sketchbook. Although she would have loved to spend more time flipping through it again and again, her eyes were dropping down like a ball from the top of a building. She knew she would end up falling to sleep sooner or later, so she changed real quick into the only pair of clean pajamas still left, turned off the lights, and got herself comfortable in her bed.

It was wishful thinking, especially since they never shared a bed before, but she wondered how it would feel like to share it with Sahara. Or should she start to think of her as Miyoko now? No, she discarded that thought, even as she wanted to keep it. Too much shit had happened between them to even consider that now, way too much.

But it was such a nice thought, to call a pretty girl like that by her first name...

Naoka almost bolted from her bed at the next thought before she stopped herself from doing so. Sahara was indeed a very pretty girl, and that also meant that there were other girls would think of her as pretty in that way. The thought of her ending up with some other girl was even worse than her cutting of all contact with Naoka, and it filled her with the need to act on it.

That kind of thinking was the reason why she was in this whole predicament in the first place, she realized as she flopped back on the bed. She could see it all to clearly now in her dreamy mind, how she would have tried to force the issue only to end up even more miserable than she was before. Time. Naoka needed to give it time, rely on Nishimiya to get through to Sahara even if she would have preferred to do it herself.

I also need to show her how serious I am. What can I offer her aside from words... what...

Oh, the ring! I can find the ring she gave me and...

With the image of the ring in her mind, sleep overtook Naoka, her mind unable to continue on without rest.

\-----

The wait was driving Naoka crazy.

She had been going with her daily life with much more of her usual strength and focus. Although the amount of work to do on her assignments was still large, after taking care of a big chunk of it, paying attention and taking notes in class again, the midterms didn’t look so hopeless like last week. The apartment didn’t look anywhere near like the mess it was. Her friends were happy she was so animated again, although she had to deal with Kawai’s wrath. After a few compliments and a well-timed gift as a bribe, she mellowed out, to everyone’s relief. The good thing about being Kawai’s friend for so long was that she knew exactly the things that would calm her down.

But no sign of Sahara yet.

Nishimiya said she talked to her several times already about it, but she couldn’t really tell Naoka anything more because Sahara insisted on keeping that between themselves. Best she could say was that „Sahara was thinking it over”, which Naoka wasn’t sure if it was bullshit or not. Same with the optimism Nishimiya displayed all the while.

The rest of them mostly stayed out of the way, thankfully. Nishimiya’s little sister showed some open contempt for what Naoka had done, but didn’t go any further than that. Nagatsuka and Mashiba had started working on a new movie, one that everyone knew they were going to be roped in sooner or later. Ishida was already in their clutches, despite not having to do anything yet. They would have to find someone else for their music, since Shimada was on the other side of Japan and hasn’t been returning messages even to her.

At this point, it felt like Naoka was stuck at one moment in time that she couldn’t get out of, like a photograph. The radio silence from Sahara was beyond frustrating, the fear she might someone else was increasing bit by bit, and even though she persisted in doing things as before, she knew it would break down sooner or later. She had even searched through every inch of the bathroom to find her ring that she so carelessly threw there, but she didn’t put it on.

It didn’t feel right.

But neither did waiting for her with anxiousness rivaling, in her mind, those who had disorders about it. There were too many things reminding Naoka - things she wanted to keep as reminders! - of Sahara. At this point, sitting and doing nothing would end up even worse than doing something to clear this whole thing out. Naoka was already backed into a corner, but the difference now was that the walls seemed to be closing in.

„Fuck it.”

She got up from her chair and shot into the hallway, her undisturbed papers left alone on the desk. It was a good thing she was already mostly dressed since that meant she could just put on a pair of shoes and something else not to be cold outside. The thoughts clamoring inside her to hurry up made her reluctant not to bolt right out of the door anyway, cold be damned. Naoka was trying for more patience still, so she got properly dressed in that nice, warm jacket she loved wearing before heading out.

She almost didn’t see the person standing in front of the door, almost ran into her like an air-headed idiot. Naoka was about to apologize out of habit when she noticed who that person was.

_„SAHARA?!”_


	8. Blessing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueno and Sahara talk some things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! It's been exactly two weeks, and I did manage to write this chapter in time ! Sorry that it's shorter than the last two, but I felt it's best to stop where I did because the next part makes more sense for the next chapter(s). I hope you'll still enjoy it !
> 
> Also, I apologize, but I don't think there'll be a Sahara POV one-shot. Although it was the plan from the start, when I wanted to begin writing it, I realized that there wasn't really much I could write her to do because of her personality. Even if she did think of doing something strange or weird, she'd talk herself down from it, or if she was somehow more stubborn about it, Shouko would calm her down. So, I really didn't have an idea what to write, so a one-shot won't happen. Sorry, again !

„Hello, Nao-chan.” Sahara greeted simply, though the look on her pretty face betrayed equal shock to Naoka’s. It was as if both of them had seen ghosts, not... people who knew each other for a long, long time.

Naoka might have been about to rush to Nishimiya’s place. She might have intended to face Sahara the moment she was there. That would have given her the time to form her thoughts and what she would say to her. During the past week, she had formed half-scattered ideas, liking them for a while before discarding them like an unsuccessful dress. A perfect way to say her piece was what she needed, but she didn’t have it. With Sahara surprising her like this, especially with calling her the usual way, Naoka was sure she wasn’t going to find it at all.

It didn’t help that, now that she was in front of her after so long, that the idea of running into Sahara’s arms and kissing her was very tempting.

„C-Come in.” Naoka said, a shakiness to her voice as she stood to the side of the door. Focus, she needed to focus, not be a block of ice disguised as a human being.

„O-Okay.”

It was a slight relief to see Sahara was as nervous about this as Naoka was. She knew it wasn’t for any good reason in her favor, but at least she wasn’t coming in with some certain goal that probably meant the worst.

Naoka followed Sahara at a bit of a distance after they both removed their shoes. Sahara looked around a bit, as if unsure what to say, before sitting down at the living room couch. If Naoka wanted to tease her now, she’d have said how Sahara looked like the very model of discomfort. Instead, with considerable discomfort herself, Naoka asked:

„Do you want me to make you some tea, or something?”

A strange look passed on Sahara’s face before she replied:

„I think we should talk instead.”

„Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have suggested it.”

„Then why did you?”

Naoka shrugged, now even more uncomfortable. She couldn’t stop shifting on her spot, so she sat on the other side of the couch to lessen the fidgeting.

„To buy some time, I guess?”

„I can’t picture you doing something like that.”

„I never pictured myself doing a lot of things, but I did them anyway.”

Sahara’s expression turned to a questioning one for a moment before nodding, her tone slightly less severe as she spoke:

„You always _did_ do things your own way.”

„I know I did, and I... I...”

It was the perfect opportunity to say it, to apologize like she practiced so much in her mind. A simple sorry, or begging, or going on her knees, groveling and wailing how sorry she was because she was so much more sorry for what happened than that. Anything, anything at all to say that she regretted what she did and hoped Sahara would forgive her eventually, nevermind if it was tomorrow or in a year or a decade.

But no words came out. It was like a metal door was stuck shut in her throat, not letting air escape. Instead of fidgeting with her legs as she had before, she was playing with the stuff she had in her pockets, one of which was Sahara’s ring. She trailed the edges of it with nervousness until an idea popped into her head.

Sahara did say she did things her own way. Maybe this was what she needed to do.

Naoka took the ring out of her pocket, put it in her palm, and extended her hand towards Sahara. She couldn’t look at her face, her face burning like hot coals.

„Why are you showing me the ring?” Sahara asked, her tone confused.

„It was your gift for me, and I... don’t deserve to wear it, after... everything.”

The words didn’t come out like Naoka wanted them to, but she hoped this was enough. At least, enough for the start. There was a lot more she needed to do to make things better, and she was _going_ to do them. That was what she hoped would happen.

The hope was leaking like a container pierced through all sides with how silent the room became. Naoka was sure she could hear the cars passing through the street, which should have been impossible on this floor. Her own breath was so unnaturally loud that it made her shiver.

Not able to take this anymore, Naoka turned her head with deliberate slowness only to find Sahara with her head in her hands, as if she was holding back tears. She was about to say something when Sahara spoke:

„I’m so glad you don’t hate me, Nao-chan! I’m so, so _glad_!”

Her voice had that happy tone Sahara showed on the rarest occasion, when she was too overwhelmed with herself not to keep herself reserved. Naoka had heard it once, although she didn’t know the reason behind it. She was overjoyed that it was her, this time, that caused it. If she didn’t know better, she would have jumped around from joy.

Since Naoka was smarter than that, she sat a little bit closer to Sahara and said, her voice clear:

„I never should have made you think something like that, Sahara. _Never_.”

„But I did think that for all this time.” Sahara replied, her pretty eyes looking right into Naoka’s, breath hitched. „I thought that you were disgusted by me, that you hated me, that you hated that I like girls, that I like...”

Sahara stopped herself from saying anything more, the distress she showed earlier now up to the highest level with that horrified look in her eyes before she buried her head in her hands again. It was clear she wasn’t ready to mention her crush on Naoka again. Naoka was torn, because she wanted to hug her now and kiss her so much it hurt, probably as much as Sahara did all this time. She needed to wait instead of jumping into this like a beggar for a coin.

„No, I don’t hate you. There is only one scenario where I would end up hating you, and that would be if you didn’t come back here and didn’t give me the chance to earn that ring back.”

Naoka said it with the bit of gentleness she could muster, thankful it had the effect she hoped for when Sahara looked back up at her. For a few moments, she looked like she was processing Naoka’s words before she smiled a beautiful smile of hers.

„I can’t say no to that, then.”

„That’s not what I meant!” Naoka said far too quickly. „I’d just really like you to come back, that’s it!”

„I know what you meant, Nao-chan.” Sahara replied, her amusement visible on her face. „I would have come back if what Sho-chan said was true, but I never could have believed it would turn out true. But it has.

Wow.”

Naoka got up from the couch, her cheeks aflame with blush, unable to take more of this. The stars she could see in Sahara’s eyes was _enough_. She was truly glad that Sahara was back, but more of this sappy bullshit would end up with her wishing the ground would swallow her.

„Okay, it was great and all, but we should really tell Nishimiya that everything’s better now.”

Sahara chuckled before speaking again: „Yes, I need to bring back my things from Sho-chan’s apartment. I’ve stayed there for too long and I don’t want to intrude on their hospitality any longer.”

„Your... things?” Naoka asked, unsure if she heard it right. „I thought everything of yours was still here.”

„Most of it is, but Sho-chan brought a couple bags of clothes and my university stuff after she went to talk to you when I was injured, and I bought some other necessities.”

„Oh.”

Naoka hadn’t even considered that she caused even more trouble for Sahara than she had thought. Maybe if she had taken a look into Sahara’s room, she would have known, but she didn’t want to disturb it during all this time.

„Okay, you should call Nishimiya then and ask her to bring your things over. I’ll help with anything you need me to do.”

„I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” Sahara replied, smiling. „It is just some of my clothes and stuff... but thank you, Nao-chan.”

„Regardless...” Naoka said, looking away. „Well, I’ll make us both some tea while you call her. I need something to drink after all this talk.”

She moved towards the kitchen, intent on doing just that. A little bit of space was what she needed right now, anyway, to sort her thoughts out. Naoka had no idea if it was luck, or smarts, or whatever that made things resolve like this, but it really happened. Sahara was going to return, which was all that mattered until now. As she put on the water-filled kettle on the stove, her hands busying themselves while her mind worked hard, she replayed what happened in her mind.

Being so near to Sahara, looking into her golden eyes, her whole presence after all this time was such a blessing... but, with dawning horror behind her steady movements, also a curse. They might have worked it out so Sahara was back, but nothing more. Naoka couldn’t even bring herself to apologize in words, even though she knew she should have!

And now, now she’d have to dance around Sahara in the same manner Sahara danced around her.

Naoka cursed herself for getting into this situation. It was unnecessary and idiotic and it should never have happened, but it did. If only she had known she liked girls before, if only she could have conceived of the notion that she could like Sahara... Instead, she was happy enough she patched things up with Sahara to this degree. Opening more of that topic just gave her the image of putting her hand in a hornet’s nest, which she never did but knew what it meant. She didn’t want to ruin things so quickly, go too fast like she always did before it ended up truly unrecoverable. This would have to be enough.

For now.

\---------

The rest of the day was as tiring as its start. Both Nishimiya and her little sister came with Sahara’s things, which Naoka helped her sort and place properly, as well as clean her whole room. That took longer than she had expected it to, and neither did Nishimiya or her little sister appear to be in any rush to leave. Getting all those dirty looks from the little runt was annoying to boot, but nothing difficult to deal with. It would have taken a lot more than that to get under Naoka’s skin.

They took their time, but finally, as it neared dusk, Nishimiya and her sister left the apartment. That was good enough for Naoka to declare that she was dead on her feet and retreat to her room. It wasn’t really an excuse since her eyes really were drooping like she could fall asleep standing, but it still sounded like that in her ears. Sahara took it without a complaint, smiling as she did all day.

Naoka hated that she never saw before how pretty her smile really was.

She groaned and dropped onto her bed. Resting a little bit before she prepared herself properly to go to sleep was what she needed right now. Flipping through Sahara’s sketchbook again would also pick her right up. As Naoka picked it up from her nightstand, she realized she hadn’t returned it to Sahara yet. She should have returned it, but with everything that happened, she forgot.

There was no way right now she could return it without Sahara noticing, which put Naoka in a predicament. She didn’t want Sahara to think something was wrong when it was, in truth, the most right it could be at this moment... but, she also knew it would be awkward as all hell to just hand it over her. The best thing to do would be to hold onto it, for now, until she found a moment to slip it in her room or something. It didn’t matter that she didn’t want to part with it or that she treasured it like a child - the only right thing to do would be to return it.

Which she would do tomorrow, or whenever Naoka got the chance to do that. However...

Since she couldn’t return it yet, it wouldn’t hurt to take another peek through it. Just one more peek.

Naoka wished it wouldn’t be the last.


	9. Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole group is up for a day of shenanigans at the mall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this chapter a lot quicker, but it turned out to be a lot larger chapter than I anticipated. It's about twice as long as the longest one I posted so far, so there's that to look forward to. Hopefully you guys will like it!

Searching for her clothes was as much of an issue as it always was.

The group was supposed to meet up in an hour at the nearby metro station before going to a newly-opened mall on the other side of Tokyo. Naoka wouldn’t be surprised if she was the last one to start preparing for it, and having to rifle through the apartment so she could assemble a decent outfit wasn’t helping her. Sahara’s return might have meant a cleaner place again, but Naoka couldn’t get rid off her habit of leaving a t-shirt here or a pair of pants there across the apartment.

Which was why she exited her room to search the living room for signs of her favorite short-shorts. They must have disappeared away _somewhere_ and Naoka was going to find them. If she didn’t, she’d have less time to dress up as she wanted and have to adjust her outfit. Not a big loss, but she liked to look her best at least sometimes.

On her way to the living room, she passed by Sahara’s room, which was left open as it usually was. Naoka had kept herself in check over the past weeks, not taking advantage of any such opening. Even when the opportunity to see her in the shower came to pass the very next day after they got Sahara settled, Naoka kept her cool despite the _many_ thoughts racing in her mind. Instead, she had taken that moment to slip Sahara’s notebook back in her room without her noticing it.

Right now, despite being short of time, Naoka’s curiosity won out in that never-ending tug-of-war in her mind. She took exactly one short peek before she forced herself to look away so Sahara wouldn’t catch her in the act. The blush on her face was fierce even though she didn’t see anything she didn’t expect. If anything, seeing Sahara put on makeup half-clothed confirmed it again - Sahara would put much effort into looking pretty without wanting that be noticed. So different from her own lazy approach, but she never felt the need to do it like Sahara.

Naoka also wanted take off the clothes Sahara currently had on, but she went away before she got too much into that train of thought. That was for more _private_ moments. Besides, the damn shorts weren’t going to find themselves.

In the end, she found them in the space behind the one console they owned, which was placed one level below the TV. How they ended up there, she had no idea, but she had more than enough time to put on the rest of her outfit now that they were in her hands.

Once she was ready - the short shorts, blue artist-y painted T-shirt, a pair of converse and pink bag on her hip - Naoka waited for Sahara in front of the door. She didn’t get a chance to be irritated by the wait as Sahara came out of her room soon enough. She was dressed in a white blouse, tight black pants and simple black flats. If Naoka didn’t have her wits about her, she’d have stared open-mouthed because Sahara managed to look good in _anything_... but especially in something like she currently had on. Modeling had definitely improved her sense of fashion.

And, dammit, Naoka _still_ wanted to take those clothes off of Sahara and have her way with her. She knew beforehand that she would have to spend some time alone after this was all done, but she didn’t know how she’d bear it for the whole day like this. With neither of them talking beyond what they discussed that day when she came back, she had no choice but to shut it out of her mind.

Somehow.

\-------

The first time they left Naoka alone with Sahara, she thought it was just an accident.

„Oh, a photo booth!” Kawai exclaimed the moment they entered the mall with her at the helm. She squealed from delight before turning to Mashiba at her side and taking him by the hand.

„Come on, guys!” she said and sped off with him towards the booth, like a true crushing little girl. It was annoying.

„Hey! I can do a better job with my camera than that booth ever could!” yelled the other Nishimiya behind them, which Kawai either didn’t hear or ignored the same way she did Nagatsuka’s grumbling about her leading the group again.

„Don’t you usually take shots of dead things, kid?” asked Nagatsuka in a sly tone, his attention now on the other Nishimiya.

„I don’t need to do that so much anymore, you moron!”

„It _would_ be morbid if you wanted to photograph any of us dead.”

„If you keep this up, I will kill you, then take a selfie with your dead body.”

Naoka tuned them out at this point, uninterested in another mock fight between those two. To her right, Nishimiya and Ishida were signing something excitedly between themselves that was a bit too fast for Naoka too catch, and the noise from the mall didn’t help in hearing Ishida’s words. She was about to grumble something out to them when Sahara spoke:

„I’m kinda excited too. I haven’t been in a photo booth like this in years.”

„You would be the one excited for that.” Naoka replied after a bit of thinking. „You are a model. You must enjoy it.”

„I just like how I look like now.” Sahara said, her voice confident. „Wait, don’t tell me you don’t like that?”

„No, I just don’t care much for it.”

„I see.”

They were already waiting with the rest of them near the yellow-colored booth by the time their little conversation ended. Mashiba and Kawai were still not out of it because Kawai insisted on them taking a set for the third time. It was a good thing Kawai had the sense not to push her luck further, settling for fawning over the pictures that awaited her instead. Nagatsuka came inside the booth after her, likely intent on embarrassing Mashiba with whatever idea he had cooked up inside his head.

Naoka was sure Kawai would find some way to reprimand Nagatsuka for that.

Eventually, almost everyone had a chance to take some silly pictures with each other. The ones Naoka took with Nishimiya were the most ridiculous ones, both of them alternating between acting like a scary beast and its victim. Ishida was also a fun partner in the booth because she could intentionally make it seem embarrassing. It ended up being a fair bit of fun.

Then Sahara came into the booth before Naoka could leave, her expression slightly nervous, yet determined. That was the one thing Naoka wanted to avoid at this moment. She was stuck with being here with Sahara whether she wanted to or not. If she didn’t take a set of photos now, it would be clear to everyone something was still wrong. It was something Naoka wanted to avoid.

„So, what do you want to do? Something funny, something serious...?” she asked Sahara with as level a tone as she could as she sat down beside Naoka.

„I don’t really know, but I want to remember them.” she replied, her amber eyes on Naoka and her voice the slightest bit wavering. Her being close like this was already making Naoka feel way too warm and fuzzy inside, but she needed to stay focused.

„Okay. How about... this, then?”

Naoka turned to the camera, smiled and made the peace sign right by her face. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sahara nod and make the same gesture as her. To fit on the screen, Sahara inched closer to Naoka, which didn’t send a shiver through her body or anything. She pressed the button to start the shoot.

Her mind was blank until the automated voice signaled it was the last picture on the roll. She took a double take as if she was shocked, with Sahara doing pretty much the same thing. It was like the whole world stopped alongside her brain and that she couldn’t remember the last couple of minutes. Only when both left the booth, shuffling awkwardly out of it, and taken a look at the pictures did she realize why.

After the first one, they started progressively looking more at each other than at the camera, with the last one making it clear that they were almost about to kiss.

Neither of them said a thing once Sahara took the pictures and put them somewhere in the bag. Naoka tried not to pay attention too much, looking everywhere around her without looking, before she realized another thing.

„Where is everyone else?”

Sahara’s eyes widened as she took a look around her only to see the same thing Naoka saw - a lack of all of their friends. Naoka sent a quick text to Nishimiya knowing that she would be the one most likely to respond fastest.

„Where are you morons >.<”

„We’re at the tech store right around the corner. Yuzu saw a camera and dragged everyone else with her while you guys were left behind. Sorry T_T”

Naoka turned from the phone to Sahara, who was giving her a questioning look.

„They should be right there.” she said and pointed to the only nearby tech store. „Apparently, the other Nishimiya dragged them all there cause she saw some shiny new camera or whatever.”

„Oh, at least they’re nearby. We should go to them before we’re actually left behind.”

There was something just a bit strange about this whole thing, but Naoka was willing to let it slide for now. What she didn’t like was the distance between her and Sahara as they walked to rejoin the others - still close enough that it would look like they were friends to anyone who saw them, but a tiny bit larger than it was only an hour before. Sahara was still blushing in the face too, which Naoka might have teased at another time had she not felt the same sort of a blush on her face.

They better find the rest of them quick because she couldn’t stand the awkward tension between Sahara and her anymore.

\---------

The second time it happened, Naoka was reasonably certain something is afoot.

All of them entered a store on the second floor of the mall that was selling mainly women’s clothes. Nagatsuka and Mashiba looked slightly uncomfortable, but Kawai was latched onto Mashiba like a growth he could not get off and the rest of them had no qualms about going in. Nagatsuka must have assumed he’d be left behind on his own, so he bravely marched in with the rest of them. The brave stance and soldier-like movements were too funny to pass up the opportunity.

„You look like you’re marching to war instead of a clothes store, Nagatsuka.”

„Indeed. You really should relax, Nagatsuka-kun.” Sahara said, chuckling alongside everyone else. The only one who didn’t laugh a bit at the joke was Ishida, while Nagatsuka took it in stride, making his own movements even more comical than they were. He really did seem a bit more comfortable now, and Mashiba wasn’t fidgeting so much either.

Because eight people walking in the same direction and looking at the same thing would be too much, they split into two groups. Naoka was with Kawai, Mashiba and Sahara, wishing for likely the first time ever that she was hanging out with both the Nishimiya’s instead of Kawai and Mashiba. There was also still a bit of that awkward tension left from before with Sahara, so this split really wasn’t in her favor.

She did her best to forget it for now, intent on enjoying the opportunity to find something new to wear for herself. It wouldn’t be the same level as if she designed it for herself and sewn it, alone or in a pair, but there was still great stuff to find.

Which was why she found herself drawn to a very cute, white and blue summer dress. Naoka had already tried out a couple of things by the time she found it, unsatisfied with each even though all three of them assured her the stuff was good. Maybe it was, but it didn’t catch her eye quite so much as this dress did. Unfortunately, she had to wait for a bit because Kawai was busy with whatever she found now in the only changing room that was otherwise free. That girl had such a boring sense of looks, so Naoka was sure she was trying out another plain t-shirt or something.

On the other hand, Sahara proved her fashion sense again by selecting piece after amazing piece for herself. First a cute, casual pink tank-top that looked fantastic with a pair of short-shorts, then a red pencil skirt that wouldn’t have looked amiss on a runway, especially paired with a white blouse and a cravat. Thoughts from earlier in the morning resurfaced back in Naoka’s mind, except the scenery changed from her apartment to one of the changing rooms.

She really, really needed something to cool herself down. Maybe going to the bathroom and putting her head under a sink would work.

Thankfully, Kawai stepped out just then, wearing an expectedly boring t-shirt and jeans combo that Naoka didn’t even look at it twice before she said that it looked okay. Before Kawai could ask for more clarification, Naoka slipped into the changing room, ignoring the reassuring words Mashiba said to Kawai.

It took a minute or two before Naoka put the dress on properly. She liked how soft it felt, that it was easy to move in, and that she looked really pretty in it. A large straw hat and sandals would have completed one of those Western beach girl looks, she was sure of it.

While she was already sold on it, Naoka still wanted to give the rest of them a chance to see her before deciding on it fully. She stepped outside the changing room, expecting Kawai or Mashiba to be nearby since both were mostly done with their shopping. Instead, it was just Sahara, looking as if she was done with her own search for clothes too.

„Wow.” was all Sahara said the moment Naoka was out of the changing room, her expression one of complete awe. Naoka ended up mirroring the feeling because the way those amber eyes looked at her was so overwhelming and nice. Before she could act on it, she disappeared back into the changing room, her decision to buy the dress strengthened like concrete. She thought having some sort of a shield from that look would be of help, but it only made her want for Sahara to get into the changing room behind her.

They exited the store in record time after that, her dress in her bag and the awkward tension between them even higher than before.

„Um, did everyone else go elsewhere again?” Sahara asked, confusion apparent both in her voice and the way her expression became worried.

„No, they wouldn’t-” she began before she realized that not even Kawai or Mashiba were in sight.

„What is wrong with them?”

„I don’t know, Nao-chan. Let’s hope it was just another mistake.”

As Naoka typed an angry text to the rest of them with the fury of a vengeful samurai, she had a doubt that that would turn out to be the case.

\---------

The third time it happened, Naoka became so sick of it, she was sure she’d beat her friends into a smoothie.

They had had some lunch at one of the bigger fast food places about an hour ago before they left to search for some new entertainment for the day. Only Kawai, and strangely enough, Nagatsuka, had something more to shop for, while the rest of them had all the time in the world for whatever they wanted to do for the day.

Neither Naoka nor Sahara got anything better than an excuse like the first time, and neither was willing to push the issue further yet. Naoka’s patience was running out, though. She wanted a perfectly normal day of perfectly normal hanging out with her friends, not weird ass excuses for whatever they were doing by ditching her and Sahara at every opportunity.

„Hey guys!” spoke Nagatsuka loudly, drawing her attention from those thoughts to himself. He was pointing at a place to the left of them with lots of flashy signs and neon lights.

„Look, an arcade! Let’s go!”

„That sounds like fun.” said Kawai, with most of the group echoing her response. Out of all of them, it was weird to see Nishimiya to be the one not as enthusiastic for this. It kind of made sense, given how she didn’t have the best of times the one time she, Kawai, Sahara and Naoka came to one more than half a year ago. Her deafness was too much of a detriment to her that time.

Sahara also didn’t look too into it, but not as badly as Nishimiya.

„Ha, turd-head! You just want me to destroy you at all the games at the arcade!”

The other Nishimiya, however, looked more animated than she did the whole day. She got right into Nagatsuka’s face, her smile taunting. The idiot boy fell right into her trap.

„Listen, _kid_ , you have challenged the wrong guy. You’re gonna eat those words before long!”

„Try me!”

They practically ran off into the arcade, two morons going for a pointless challenge. Naoka would have been way more exasperated if their little fights weren’t entertaining and if both of them weren’t her friends. It looked like Nishimiya warmed up to the idea a bit more, likely because Naoka noticed Ishida talking with her in that soothing way of his. It was... a very strange experience to witness.

„Such a nice couple, aren’t they?” asked Sahara in a low tone, as if she wanted only Naoka to hear it.

„Yeah, they are.” Naoka replied, now struck with the thought of just how much she wanted something like that for herself. She took a look at Sahara, who was already joining up with the rest of them on the way inside the arcade. If only she was a bit smarter, she might have already had it.

So close, yet so far away. It really felt like the story of her life right there, an illusion that sped past her that she could not catch no matter how hard she tried.

Naoka shook her head and went off after her friends. This was the worst time to get caught up in her thoughts like that. Today was supposed to be one day to hang out with everyone without any worry over her studies or the drama that happened, not these weird circumstances that just made things awkward. Well, whatever. Maybe she could lose herself for a bit at the arcade and forget about the earlier incidents. It was worth a shot.

The first that really caught Naoka’s eye, out of all the arcade games, were the prize machines to the immediate right of the entrance of the arcade. They were simple, brightly coloured machines - you put in some coins, control a hook and bring one of the plushies as a prize for the effort. She wasn’t really in a mood for something truly competitive or she’d have already started beating Kawai at the rhythm game machines. Taking a glance at the rhythm section as Naoka prepared herself for her first try, Kawai looked to be in a fiercely contested match with Ishida, who was holding his ground even though it’s obvious those games weren’t his thing.

Naoka plomped the first coin down the slot and concentrated on controlling the hook of this old piece of metal instead of paying attention to any of the others. She set her sights on a rose-colored teddy bear at the top of the pile in the right corner since it looked like the easiest target. Sadly, her first try bore no fruit since the hook refused to catch the plushie properly.

At her fifth try, it was really beginning to irritate her.

She felt a tap on her shoulder before she slotted another coin into the damnable machine. Nishimiya was standing to her left, evidently having escaped from whatever the rest of them dragged her into. Nagatsuka and the other Nishimiya were nowhere to be seen, likely racing against each other at the far end of the arcade in one of those racing games. Sahara wasn’t in sight either, while it looked like Kawai and Ishida were still fighting it out with Mashiba as their audience.

„Having fun?” Nishimiya signed, a pleasant look on her face.

„Not really. This damn thing doesn’t want me to win. Not sure why I expected anything, these things are always rigged...” Naoka replied, giving the machine the kick it deserved. It made Nishimiya chuckle.

„Are you trying to win a prize for Miyo-chan? How cute!”

„That’s not why I’m doing this at all!” Naoka said, knowing full well that she was trying to win this thing for Sahara and that Nishimiya would see through her lie.

„I have a lot of luck when I play this game. I can help you win it.”

„No. I need to do it myself.”

After a deep breath, Naoka inserted another coin into the slot. The way she handled the controls with such care that she was sure someone could have mistaken her for carrying a baby in her arms or something ridiculous like that. No, she was just trying to win a prize for her... crush. Yeah, she couldn’t really call it anything else but a crush now.

It still sounded pretty nice in her mind.

Once Naoka was reasonably sure the hook was _right_ above the teddy bear, she pressed the button. For a moment, it looked like another failure like all the others before, the hook not grabbing it properly. Then, somehow, it began dragging the plushie upwards, its hold on it secure. It was so exciting that Naoka almost rushed through the rest of the process. Slooooowly, she moved the hook to where it should go and...

„Yes!” she yelled out, holding the small, pink teddy bear in her hands. It was just in time, but yes yes yes, she got it, she got her prize!

„You won! That’s amazing!” Nishimiya signed by Naoka’s side with so much excitement in her movements. Naoka was just about to hug her before she remembered it would mean hugging _Nishimiya_ , and she wasn’t quite ready to do that. It was so strange to want to hug her like that... that was, until she recalled the same excitement when she put that note in what was supposed to be Ishida’s cat pouch.

Naoka really wasn’t just crushing on Sahara - she was beyond that at this point.

„You should give it to Miyo-chan. I’m sure she’d be very happy to receive it!”

Nishimiya’s unspoken words, gestured so earnestly, were almost enough for Naoka to really drop everything, find Sahara, and rush up to her as if she were the only important thing in the world. She was sure, if she saw another girl act like this over someone, she would have wanted to punch the everloving shit out of her. Punching herself wasn’t an option, so she had to settle for breathing deep and immersing herself in the flow of the terrible pop song that was blared out of the speakers.

„I can’t just give it to her!” she said/signed to Nishimiya once she regained her senses somewhat.

„Sure you can.” was Nishimiya’s obviously smug reply. „You don’t have to give it to her right away if you don’t want to. It’ll be a nice thing no matter when you do it!”

„No, I...” she started at first, before thinking of something else to say: „where is Sahara? I don’t see her anywhere.”

Nishimiya smiled a bit brighter at that.

„I went with her to the DDR section of the arcade. I couldn’t really match her, so I walked away till I found you.”

„What about Ishida?”

„You looked lonely, but determined.”

„So you wanted to keep me some company?”

Nishimiya nodded. If this wasn’t Nishimiya speaking, Naoka would have shaken her head in disbelief. As such, she could only say:

„You are too kind-hearted for your own good, Nishimiya.”

„Thank you.”

„Whatever.” Naoka said, waving the sentiment away dismissively. „I’m gonna go find Sahara. You should go save your boyfriend from Kawai before she causes him permanent brain damage from being near her so much.”

Naoka only caught Nishimiya signing: „He’ll be fine.”, before her attention went solely to finding Sahara. Finding her wasn’t going to be hard - if Nishimiya hadn’t told her, it would have been Naoka’s first guess to search for her at that section of the arcade. It was where Sahara had the most fun last time they were all here. A lot of it was because she liked dancing, but Naoka noticed and teased her about that coy smile she had when she handily beat the rest of them. Sahara wasn’t much of a competitor, but even she looked like she enjoyed to win.

As expected, Sahara was dancing away on one of the several DDR machines, her movements agile and graceful. It was kind of a waste she didn’t put her effort into becoming a professional dancer or something, but Naoka wasn’t going to complain about that. The perfect opportunity to give Sahara the plushie was in front of her - she needed to just wait for the current song to end before she’d get her attention somehow. She could just give the damn thing right then and there... but that would be so _embarrassing_. Maybe even _weird_ because she had no idea if Sahara would even like it. There was no reason for her not to like it, but...

Naoka put her hands into fists(as much as she could with one handling a teddy bear) and closed her eyes, not ready to decide on it right now. She pocketed the plushie in her bag for now. There would be time for that later. Interrupting Sahara’s dancing would have been a crime worthy of jail in her books anyway.

Instead of doing that, Naoka stepped onto the unoccupied set beside Sahara and began dancing in the same rhythm as her. Since she was here, she could as well have some fun for what felt like the first time the whole day.

„Nao-chan!” exclaimed Sahara after the announcer finished saying that a player two joined. Her surprised face was funny enough for Naoka to laugh, or would have been if she didn’t have to concentrate on the dancing. Maybe she wasn’t feeling like a little competition earlier, but trying to outdo Sahara was certainly something she liked doing.

„You looked like you needed a challenge.” Naoka said with more cheek than she could back up. She was the one who got the closest to matching Sahara last time, but that meant little when she got nowhere near close to her score.

„I did?”

„It’s always more fun with someone else!”

Although she didn’t miss a beat, Sahara smiled at Naoka, which caused Naoka to make a bad step. She already knew she couldn’t beat Sahara, but if she continued to stare at her like a dolt, she wouldn’t even give her a run for her money. That just wouldn’t do at all. Her best is what she always gave, and not doing that was not something Naoka wanted to allow.

With a heavy heart, she gave it her all to drown out anything Sahara did or said anymore, her eyes firmly set on the arrows going ever faster on the screen.

\----

„You were right. It was so much more fun with someone else.”

Naoka nodded, breathing hard like she ran a marathon. To her side, Sahara looked barely affected by the exercise. That wasn’t surprising, considering that she had to do regular training ever since she became a model(in addition to a rather strict diet) to keep her body in shape. Naoka could only imagine how it would feel to touch those lithe muscles...

„Is something wrong, Nao-chan?” Sahara said, her voice laced with concern.

„N-No!” she spluttered, her eyes firmly on the ground instead of at Sahara. „I’m just so out of breath, that’s all!”

„Yeah, it got pretty tough around the last few stages.”

It got tougher a lot earlier than that, but Naoka kept her mouth shut about that in the same way she said nothing of _those_ thoughts that rose up just a minute ago. At least her score was a bit better this time, though it didn’t come close to Sahara’s.

„Let’s just find the others.” she said, exasperated but pleased. Challenging Sahara was more enjoyable than she thought it would be, though she should have already stopped being surprised at that.

„Yeah. Let’s hope they’re around here still.”

„They better not have disappeared somewhere again.”

They searched through all the sections of the arcade until there was nowhere else to search through. Just like that, Naoka’s mood soured as if she drank a foul poison. It was like a tempest brewing in the distance, inching ever closer as they both left the arcade. Sahara didn’t look any more happy than Naoka did either, her head downcast like a beaten puppy’s. Seeing that was worse than this weird thing their friends were doing the whole day.

Naoka was about to send all of them a barrage of texts when she noticed she already had one waiting for her from Ishida.

‘We’re near the exit. Come when you can.’

Naoka sighed defeatedly.

„It’s so like him to send such a short text with no explanation.” she spoke aloud as she showed it to Sahara.

„Ishida-kun has never been the most eloquent person.” Sahara said, a sad smile on her face. Both of them started walking towards the escalator down, close to each other but looking more irritated than happy.

„Yeah. What’s up with all of them, though? I don’t really get why they’ve been doing this all day!”

„I don’t know either. They must have some sort of a reason for what they’ve done.”

„And I’m gonna find that out!” Naoka said, determination as strong as steel in her tone. „This has to end!”

That drew out a chuckle from Sahara, who put a hand over her mouth to cover it up. It seemed to lift her spirits a little, which counted as a win in Naoka’s book. That there was a mall full of people around her, doing whatever they were doing as cheesy music played and tons of pushy advertisers that tried to get their attention was something that didn’t really matter. She had just one thing on her mind right now, and that was finding out the truth.

„Don’t be rough on whoever you’ll interrogate.”

That took a bit of the wind out of her sails, but it didn’t change much. Naoka knew who would spill everything she needed to know without resorting to that. Hopefully.

„I promise.”

\---------

„So, Nishimiya... wanna finally tell me what’s behind all the times you ditched Sahara and me today?” Naoka asked sweetly, doing her best to convey the gestures fluently even though she was shaking with rage. Nishimiya looked just a bit uncomfortable, inching slightly away from Naoka, though it was not as much as Naoka would have liked at the moment.

They were at a restroom that Naoka pretty much dragged Nishimiya too after making a reasonable, but fake excuse that she needed someone with her. It was just an opportunity to find out what the hell were these morons up to, and she was taking it. She didn’t care she had to do it in a relatively dirty, white-but-very-stained-tiled public restroom like this. This chance wasn’t going to slip away from her.

Before Nishimiya could gesture a word, someone else entered the restroom. In a flash, they put an arm around Naoka’s shoulders and brought her a bit closer to their eye level.

„It was my idea!” the person, who could only be the other Nishimiya, yelled into Naoka’s ear. Naoka winced, both from the loudness and from the smug as hell expression on the girl’s face.

„What are you talking about, you idiot?” she snarled, her patience running thin. Whatever this brat had concocted, it could only be insane.

„What, you didn’t like it that we left you and Miyo-chan all alone for each other?”

„What?”

„It’s exactly as it sounds like.” the other Nishimiya said, not dropping her smugness one bit. „I suggested we leave you so you have more time for each other. We never went very far away either, just enough so you’d have Sahara all for yourself.”

Naoka blinked, unwilling to believe this little brat suggested something like that. She knew the other Nishimiya had more guts than her stature would suggest, but this was ridiculous.

„Is this true?” she asked Nishimiya, who gave her a simple nod even though she shifted in her stance.

„Wait, for real? Your sister suggested something like that and you just went with it? You’re all...” Naoka bit her lip, searching for a word to describe them, but failing to find it. The worst part was that she didn’t even hate that they just did what this brat told them. Her friends could really be such boring, nice people sometimes, she could forget they all had a bit of a wilder side to them.

„I wasn’t really sure about it, but the majority vote won.” Nishimiya signed resignedly, still visibly uncomfortable with the situation they were in.

„Hey, don’t talk like my idea was so bad. It totally went great!” the other Nishimiya said/signed, still not having let go of Naoka. That was getting annoying, so Naoka pushed her away before she spoke:

„Why did you even suggest something like that? It’s not like you to sniff around my personal life.”

The other Nishimiya’s head rose a bit higher so she met Naoka’s eyes, her expression careless and confident, her hands on her hips.

„Well, you’re a total bi-” she said until Nishimiya tapped her shoulder, after which she continued: „I don’t really like you much. You’ve hurt my sister a lot and only seemed to make things worse at every opportunity. But, for some reason, Miyo-chan seems utterly smitten with you and you came to your senses around her. And after accepting Ishida...”

The other Nishimiya let the rest of her sentence hang in the air, a blush on her face, but Naoka knew what she wanted to say well enough. She supposed the sentiment wasn’t too bad, considering that they never really were on good terms between each other.

„Okay, okay, I get it. You should have come up with something better, though. Your plan totally sucked.”

„That’s what you think.” the brat said, that smug smile back on her face. She whipped out her camera and showed the picture on it to Naoka.

„It was totally worth seeing you act like this. Everyone said you looked cute.”

Naoka took back what she said about forgetting how her friends could be anything but nice people. Both the Nishimiya’s must have seen the expression on her face because they both bolted from the restroom as if they feared for their lives. They might as well, because Naoka absolutely never would have agreed to have a photo of herself looking so embarrassed to approach Sahara at the arcade taken. She chased after them, yelling how she’d not stop until the other Nishimiya deleted that photo.

Every single one of them was a devil. Every. Single. One.

\--------

In the end, Naoka got a hold of the other Nishimiya right as they caught up to the rest of them waiting outside of the mall. The little brat might have grown in the past year and half, but she still couldn’t match Naoka’s strength, and all the potentially embarrassing photos got deleted. The other Nishimiya seethed in anger while everyone else(aside from Sahara, who was confused by what happened) looked disappointed.

After that, they all made their way to the metro station, chit-chatting as the dusk sun slowly lowered itself over the horizon. Kawai, Mashiba, Nagatsuka and Ishida took their metro first since it arrived before the one the rest of them had to take. Everyone politely looked elsewhere as Nishimiya and Ishida kissed once before they boarded the metro and left. It still wasn’t a pleasant image to have in her mind, but Naoka had other things to focus on.

Specifically, right now, on their damn metro arriving already. Ever since they left the mall, she was itching to talk to Sahara privately, to resolve all this ridiculous tension between them. Not to mention, Naoka also had a little present to give her too, but she would be happy with just getting to talk to her.

Which she couldn’t right now, since they were at a public place, and both the Nishimiyas were going in the same direction as them for the night _and_ haven’t stop talking to Sahara yet. At this point, she considered adding Nishimiya as a rival both for Ishida and Sahara too. The conversation they were having, something about the other Nishimiya’s classes, was not one Naoka wanted to be a part of. She wished she could whisk Sahara away, but she was kind of tired after all that excitement from today and they were going to arrive where she wanted them to go soon enough anyway. If only she could also hold Sahara’s hand as well...

Naoka was about to break up their little conversation out of annoyance when the announcer said the metro in their direction was about to arrive, followed immediately by the aforementioned metro. That was enough for them to stop their conversation and get on the metro with Naoka. It was not as cramped as Naoka witnessed it be many times - all four of them were able to grab a seat, the Nishimiyas on one side of the compartment and Sahara and Naoka on the other.

To her disappointment, the compartment was still cramped and noisy enough not to be able to talk to each other. Naoka had to settle for just sitting very close to Sahara. The bratty Nishimiya shot her funny looks all throughout the ride, to which Naoka responded in kind. She ignored the barely audiable snickering from Sahara by her side or that idiotic smile on Nishimiya’s face.

Thankfully, the station the Nishimiyas were dropping off to was the one right before hers and Sahara’s. Naoka didn’t bother to hide the sigh of relief after they said their goodbyes and the two left the metro, which earned her a playful kick from Sahara. She shot Sahara an unamused look, but couldn’t keep it long on her face as she started laughing at Sahara’s equally unamused expression.

Seeing Sahara so unabashedly happy, her eyes twinkling like stars, made the whole day worth it.

There was barely any sun left when they climbed back up to the surface, a dull pink glow left over the world that didn’t care for it. Under the harsher light of the streetlamps, only a few other people milled about right now. Most of them spent their evening on a beach or somewhere more fun than their own apartments. Usually, the lack of people unnerved Naoka the tiniest bit since she was so used to the bustling multitudes, but it made things easier tonight. She wanted to make it clear they needed to have a proper conversation tonight before they arrived at their place. That was where the idea of a talk fizzled out like a popped balloon every time before, and Naoka didn’t want it happening again.

Maybe, if they talked it out, next time they returned home like this, it would be hand in hand instead of at this comfortable but still awkward distance between each other.

„Hey, Sahara.” she spoke as they entered the deserted parking lot of the apartment complex.

„Yes?” Sahara asked, stopping in her tracks and fixing Naoka with a questioning look.

„I... _reallythinkweshouldhaveatalkaboutus_.” she said, her courage having given up as she started speaking.

„I’m sorry?”

„Oh, um.”

Naoka shifted in her spot, still uncomfortable under that otherwise lovely gaze. Dammit, this was the wrong time to chicken out. She took a deep breath and spoke again:

„I think we should have a serious conversation about... us. What we are, or...”

„Oh.”

Sahara stayed silent for a couple of moments until she tilted her head a small smile broke out on her face.

„I was just thinking the same thing. We really should sort things out.”

There was a bit of melancholy in her voice, as if she wasn’t sure it was going to end well. Naoka wanted to reassure her somehow, but the only thing she could think of that would ease Sahara’s nerves at this exact moment was that plushie she won for her earlier today. Giving it to her right now made Naoka’s own nerves explode like a bomb. Her hands began to shake lightly just from the sheer thought of it.

That made Naoka mad. Wasn’t she stronger than that, better than letting her own mind control her like that? Hadn’t she already crossed way worse trails than giving a simple gift to her crush? Her hands having shaken like that left her disgusted with herself, with only one solution to the problem.

With slow, deliberate movements(because her hands kept shaking anyway), Naoka brought out the cute pink plushie and put it in between herself and Sahara. She could not bear to look at Sahara right now, but she could clearly hear the surprised gasp.

„Nao-chan... what is this?”

Naoka’s voice came out as low, pathetic by her standards, but at least she said from start to finish:

„I won this teddy bear for you at the arcade today. Please accept it.”

Another gasp, then a few moments of silence before the weight of it left Naoka’s hands.

„Thank you, thank you so much, Nao-ch-”

Naoka hadn’t heard the footsteps or saw the woman that was walking towards them with a furious gait. If she had noticed her before, she would have given the toy to Sahara once they were inside, not wanting to make this a spectacle for anyone. However, she was totally engrossed in the moment, so much so she could as well have been drowning and she would not have noticed it.

That was why, when this voice, full of anger and hatred spoke, Naoka could not have been more surprised than she ended up being.

„Get away from my daughter, you lesbo _bitch_!” spoke a tall, lanky older woman to their side, everything about her looking as if she was marching to the beat of an army of hell. Naoka yelped from the sheer shock at the sight, and was about to ask what the hell was wrong with her.

Then, the woman grabbed the pink teddy bear, her gift for Sahara, ripped off its head and threw it aside. Naoka thought she was in a movie now, shooting a sequence in slow motion because she couldn’t describe it any other way. This had to be fake, this just had to be fake, it couldn’t be real.

But Naoka’s eyes didn’t lie. It happened in less than a minute, almost a blip in the sea of all of today’s events, but it still happened.

And she was going to make this bitch that was Sahara’s mom _pay_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The appearance of Sahara's mother will be explained next chapter. It might look over the top right now since we have no idea about her(not that Ueno could know much about her), but it's really, really not :P


	10. Curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sahara and Ueno's lives just got a lot more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a brief break with writing a KyouSaya fic for Madoka Magica, I'm back with another upd8 !
> 
> And it's not a fun one at all, for most of it at least. Hopefully you'll bear with me towards the conclusion of this story xD

Before Naoka got the chance to punch Sahara’s mother, Sahara got in between them, her face half-questioning and half-distraught. It reminded Naoka that she was not alone with this woman right now and that Sahara had more right to ask what the hell was going on now.

„Mama, what are you doing here?” Sahara asked, her voice unsteady and full of uncertainty.

The woman looked at both of them as if she was scrutinizing children with her hawkish eyes, half-hidden behind her gray hair, her face contorted in barely hidden disgust. When she spoke, it was in the haughty tone of an older lady who feelt far superior to others than she really was.

„After I heard some... _things_ from some of my friends from Tokyo, I decided to come pay you a visit to find it out for myself. My hope was to find that all of those rumors were untrue.”

She paused to give another hateful look at Naoka before she continued:

„Instead, I come here to find this scene happen before my eyes! You, you have no idea how heart-rending is it to see my own daughter _collude_ with someone like that! It is abso-”

„Like _what_ , mama?”

For a moment, everything was still, as if a bomb fell from the sky but hadn’t exploded on impact. The sole lamppost’s light seemed to flicker in Naoka’s eyes while her ears became so sensitive that it was like she could pick up the slightest noise on this otherwise empty parking lot. It was just them three there and a bunch of parked cars, the only noise the relative bustle of nearby streets. The air smelled like it was going to rain.

It might as well have, with the furious look on Sahara’s mom as if a storm cloud came over her.

„I thought I taught you never to talk back to your mother. Clearly that lesson hasn’t stuck as much as I thought it had.”

She spat those words out with venom Naoka herself usually reserved for those who wronged her utterly, as Nishimiya had for so long. It was surreal to hear it in the tone of a mother talking to her child, something even Naoka knew should never be the case. That was not the most amazing thing that was happening, though. Naoka expected Sahara to have started crying already. But, although she couldn’t see Sahara’s face, it was clear from her stance she was going to hold her ground.

„Like _what_ , mama? What was so despicable about what you’ve seen mere minutes ago? Tell me, mama.”

Sahara’s voice faltered with each word she spoke, but just the fact she said them drove her mother more and more mad. If some sort of devil of anger existed in the world, Naoka was sure it resembled Sahara’s mom at this moment.

„What _isn’t_ despicable about the idea of two girls... I can’t even bring myself to say it! I had not brought you up to choose a lifestyle that is nothing more than utter deviancy! I had brought you up to be a proper girl, get your education and settle down with a nice man and have a family, not take off with a little whore like that! You are a disappointment to me and your whole family!”

Naoka itched to punch that woman so badly. Who was she to decide if this was right or wrong? Who was she to talk to Sahara as if she was a criminal instead of one of the sweetest girls Naoka knew in her life? Who was she to call Naoka a whore just because she liked girls too? Did she not care how visibly Sahara pulled into herself, every sentence a slap to her face? What was wrong with her?

It wasn’t like Naoka came from the happiest family in existence. Her own parents were very hands-off, their work lives making it so they couldn’t be much at home at all. Naoka had to work for herself too once she was older since they could afford only so much for her. Even if they rarely showed it, though, Naoka knew they cared... or cared enough, which was what mattered.

To see Sahara’s mom show none of that at all was infuriating.

If Sahara showed signs of folding to her mother, Naoka would have already stepped in and given the woman a piece of her mind and fist. However, despite her shaky hands, balled up into fists, she didn’t look like she was going to do anything of the sort.

„Mama, I knew I loved girls just like boys love girls since 6th grade, when I was still barely a teenager. Back then, when I voiced that idea, you told me to shut my mouth and stop speaking nonsense. I learned that you wouldn’t be able to accept this part of me.”

Sahara’s voice was as shaky as her hands, unsteady, but still clear. She paused to take a deep breath, which her damn mother took as a cue to start speaking herself.

„Then why do you insist on thi-”

„But, mama,” Sahara interrupted her, her voice the loudest Noka ever heard her raise, „I wanted to try once, when I had someone who truly loved me back. I, I wanted to show you that what we had was genuine and real and as deserving of respect as everyone else.”

Sahara sniffled audibly, as if she was holding back tears.

„I don’t know why I bother thinking that you could change, but I still want to try.”

Naoka was hanging slightly back for all this time, not really content to simply stand around and watch it all unfold but not wanting to ruin it. Enough was enough, however. She took a few steps forward so she was side by side with Sahara and put her hand on Sahara’s back, hoping the warmth would give her a bit of comfort. Tears had already begun to flow like a waterfall from Sahara’s eyes, but she stood a bit taller at the gesture.

„Oh, stop with the drama, Miyoko. I can’t bear to watch this sickening performance anymore.”

Sahara’s mom, on the other hand, looked ready to throw up, her face more a grimace than anything else. Instead of doing just that, to Naoka’s regret, she took Sahara by the wrist and began walking away from the parking lot.

„Mama, what are you doing?” Sahara asked frantically, visibly trying to escape from the grip the old hag had on her. Her efforts were good enough that the had only got to walk a few steps from where they were before, to the hag’s utter frustration.

„Stop resisting your mother, Miyoko! I have had enough of this! I don’t know who or what filled your head with all of that nonsense, but I see clearly now that I was mistaken to have given you the freedom I had entrusted to you. Things will be very different from now, yes, very different! It seems I must make you relearn a lot of things from the ground up!”

„I am _not_ going, mama!”

„Stop with that nonsense. You were never a rebellious child. I know you will come along with me eventually and that you _will_ listen to me! Now stop resisting already and make this easy-”

„ _She said she’s not going!_ ”

Naoka jumped in between them and pulled Sahara’s hand away from her mother’s iron grip. It was a good thing there was enough open space for her so she could do that, but unfortunate too since she couldn’t shield Sahara with anything but her own body.

„Nao-chan!”

„Just get back behind me, Sahara. I’m not gonna let her take you away against your own will.”

„And who are you to decide what a mother can do for her own daughter and what not?” the old hag asked with a derisive tone.

„Someone who cares for Sahara, unlike you. I hate people like you, so caught up with themselves and for themselves that you cannot consider what anyone else thinks or feels. It’s like you have a stick so far up your ass it reaches your brain.”

The old hag’s mouth dropped, for all intents and purposes, to the floor. Naoka celebrated the little victory silently, glad she got to take that woman down a notch. She had a suspicion that almost no one told the hag off like that, which was really a shame since she deserved way more than a simple insult like that.

It didn’t last long, however. In a second, that woman got her devil face back on, ran up to Naoka and slapped her so hard she almost fell down from the force.

Naoka’s mind went blank. Sahara’s mom had crossed the line ages ago, but this was far, far more than that. Payback time was here for everything that woman had done tonight.

„Nao-chan, wait!”

Sahara locked Naoka in a tight, unrelenting grip by grabbing onto Naoka from under her arms by her shoulders. Naoka was not a weak girl by any means, but she couldn’t get out of a desperate hold like that. She looked to her side only to witness Sahara’s tear-stained face contorted in pain. That gave only more fuel to the fire of Naoka’s rage, a blazing furnace turned into a forest fire.

„Let me go, Sahara! She needs to be taught a lesson!” Naoka yelled, her eyes back on the smug-faced hag.

„No, Nao-chan, no! She’s a lawyer! Do you know what she can do to you if you attack her?”

„I don’t care! What she did was unforgivable!”

„Nao-chan, please!”

A bone-chilling laugh echoed across the parking lot. It stopped both Naoka and Sahara in their tracks, the sound deep and rich but utterly menacing. Naoka had no idea what came over Sahara’s mom, but she was sure she wasn’t going to like it.

„This display of loyalty from your little attack dog is certainly endearing.” the woman spoke in the tone that suggested the complete opposite. Naoka had a few choice words to say to her, but the woman spoke again too soon for her to get them out.

„I have had enough of this charade, though. So, Miyoko.”

„Yes, mama?” Sahara asked, her head held high.

„You’re not going to listen to your mother? You’re not going to come with me?”

One look at Sahara’s face was all it took for Naoka to know the answer.

„I am a lesbian, mama. That is something that is a part of me, something that will never change. I cannot come back until you are ready to accept me for who I am.”

Sahara’s mom nodded sagely, her lips curling into a terrible smile.

„Alright. You are disowned from this family, girl. Do not think of ever coming back until you realize what you’ve done and want to atone for living your degenerate lifestyle. From this moment on, you’re no daughter of mine, and I will make sure that is reflected on every record possible. Are we clear?”

Naoka’s eyes widened at the proclamation, the cruelty of it staggering. She looked to Sahara expecting to find anger or defiance or something like that only to stare into a face as hollow as those on a carved tree.

„Perfectly.” was Sahara’s empty reply. It was so _wrong_ to hear her talk like that, the same it was so wrong to see Ishida almost die from falling into that river. Her mother didn’t even say anything more to that, simply turned on her heels and walked away with haste as if the both of them were pieces of cardboard.

So many thoughts rifled through Naoka’s head, each of them ready to be shot at that piece of shit woman. It was too late for her to do anything, though, seeing as that woman had already gotten into and started up her fancy black car. The idea to throw a big rock at the windshield as the car passed along popped up into her mind, but she dared not do it if only for Sahara’s sake. Her rage had not been abated or satisfied yet, but this would just harm Sahara if she did it.

If there was one thing Naoka always held onto, it was doing the right thing in her mind for the people she cared about.

„What does that woman think she is? You should have let me make mincemeat out of her, Sahara, it would have been nothing after what she did to you!”

There was no response from Sahara.

„Sahara?”

Naoka turned towards her only for Sahara to fall into her arms, her whole body lax as if she was spent of energy. She was off-balance for a second, but soon corrected herself and held Sahara comfortably in her arms, her head against Naoka’s chest.

„Huh?”

„I’m sorry, Nao-chan, for having you see that.”

„It’s okay, it’s okay, I don’t mind! What’s wrong? Did she hurt you somehow or?”

Sahara smiled weakly.

„I’m just tired, Nao-chan. I didn’t think I’d have to confront my mother after the day we had, or that it would end up like this. I’m really sorry for the trouble I caused.”

„I’m going to slap you if you keep apologizing.”

„I’m s-... okay.”

„Good.” Naoka said, smiling just a bit. „Can you walk? Or should I carry you home?”

„I don’t want to bother you more, but I don’t think I can stand on my own right now. My legs feel like algae.”

„Okay. I think I can carry you all the way up.”

Naoka put her right arm behind Sahara’s back and her left arm under her knees and pulled her up. Sahara was light to carry like this despite how tall she was, just how Naoka expected a model to be. That was good. It meant she could carry her up home and to her room to let her have a deserved rest after today. Naoka herself was going to crash in her own room right after that too, since she knew she was almost as exhausted as Sahara must have been. That was priority number one right now, even with the mess that they’d have to deal with what Sahara’s mother was planning to do.

„Let’s go.”

„Okay.”

\-----

Naoka hadn’t even stopped to think that others might have seen what happened until she entered the lobby of their apartment complex. It was full of people - a lot more people than she ever saw in one place for it, most of them shifting around like they were caught doing something bad.

„There they are!” one of them spoke when they spotted Naoka and Sahara, who had become fast asleep in the few minutes it took for them to enter the building. It was slower going with a person in her arms than Naoka hoped it would be.

A crowd immediately formed around them with the landlady at its helm, the looks on their faces ranging from severe to angry to kind.

„Um... what are you all doing here?” Naoka asked, annoyed at everyone barring her path. Sahara needed a better place to sleep than her arms and these people were in her way.

„I’m really sorry to say that we have all seen what had transpired in the parking lot here with you two and that woman.” the landlady said, her tone in turns soft and full of anger.

„Oh.”

What did that mean? If they saw everything, then they must have known how and why it all happened. To say the least, it was not good.

„Don’t worry, my dear. We’re all in agreement here that you did nothing wrong.”

„Yeah.” a young girl to Naoka’s right side said and nodded. „That woman was beyond cruel.”

„Disowning her child like that...” spoke an elderly person behind the landlady. A lot of people shook their heads at that.

„It’s terrible!” sad a middle-aged, balding man, holding a baby in one arm and having an arm around his wife’s back with the other.

„What we mean to say, since we don’t want to keep you any longer,” started the landlady, her voice so kind it hurt, „is that, if you two need any help from us, don’t hesitate to ask.”

If she hadn’t held Sahara in her arms like this, Naoka might have smiled. This was far more than she could ever have expected from all these people, almost no one who she knew in any way except for in passing. A few of them did seem uncomfortable with this, though Naoka thought there was no way it could match her discomfort.

„Okay. Thank you.” she said and bowed politely. That was apparently good enough for them to give her enough space to pass, though some of the people kept giving more encouraging remarks. Naoka ignored them all.

She had her priorities set already.

\-----

It was with last of her strength that Naoka laid down Sahara on her bed. Today was the most exhausting day of her life, which said something after all the mess that were the last couple of months. It looked like they weren’t going to get any easier in the future either.

At the moment, that all mattered little. A while had passed since she had been in Sahara’s room. It looked much the same as ever, and while Naoka would have wanted to take a better look now, her eyes were drooping off so hard she feared she could fall onto the floor and sleep as if it was the softest bed in the world.

As soon as her hands left Sahara’s body, Naoka was pulled back lightly towards Sahara. Naoka yelped, not having noticed Sahara had woken up.

„Eeeh?”

„Nao-chan...” Sahara drawled, her voice making it clear she was barely awake at all.

„Yes?”

„Please... stay with me tonight. I don’t... want to be alone. _Please_.”

Light, soft snoring started a moment later from Sahara. The closest thing Naoka could compare it to was the purring of a cat. If what Sahara asked her hadn’t been irresistible already, that would have sealed the deal despite her exhausted mind telling her that it might not be the best idea. She wanted it too, wanted it ever since she realized just how deep she was in for Sahara. But, she was determined to keep it just that for now, because Sahara requested it of her.

Naoka first tucked Sahara into her bed more comfortably, a blanket over her so she wouldn’t get cold before she climbed into the bed herself. She made herself comfortable too, enjoyed the feeling of being in the same bed as Sahara was... until her eyes closed down, sending her off to sleep the moment she did so.

Her last sensation was that of her head tucking itself into the crook of Sahara’s neck.


	11. Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confession and a whole lot of uncertainty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, gals, nb pals, sorry I wanted to have this chapter done on Wednesday already but I got struck with a very bad cold so I recovered only today. Thankfully, I got the rest of it done today and I'm honestly really happy with how I ended it because it didn't seem I could tie stuff up anywhere near as neatly as I did. Still not the best, but I think it's good enough. There's also a lot to this chapter, though it's somewhat shorter than the last one.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it a lot !

At first, when she woke up, Naoka was confused as to why half of her body was warmer than it should have been.

She opened her eyes, expecting to see nothing but the white ceiling of her room. What she was treated to was the sight of Sahara’s pretty, sleeping face, the early morning sun giving her skin a slight glow through the half-closed shutters. Her mouth was slightly opened, her breaths shallow and calm, her eyes closed off in some far away dream. Naoka wasn’t sure if she was dreaming herself, not until she recalled how Sahara asked her to stay with her last night. There was no way she could have refused that, didn’t want to at all. Ever since she was that kid from 6th grade, she longed for a closeness like this, imagined it in little dreams and fantasies she thought were useless but indulged in them anyway. But this reality...

Warm. Soft. Light. How their breaths matched despite Naoka being awake; how their legs entangled that it was almost impossible to feel who’s was who’s; how it felt to have an arm to lean onto, her own arm wrapped over Sahara’s stomach.

It was a very good reality.

Although Naoka wanted to enjoy this little moment for a lot longer, it wouldn’t have been right without Sahara sharing it. Waking Sahara up was not an option, though. Her sleeping form was peaceful right now, but the tiredness that all but engulfed her whole face last night still hadn’t abated in full. It was better for her to sleep in for once in her life.

With utter care, Naoka disentangled herself from Sahara and got out of her bed whilst making as little noise as possible. She yawned and stretched, trying to think through the fog in her mind as to what to do next. Last night was an ordeal that she never expected to happen. Just remembering that old woman made Naoka’s blood boil to volcano levels in a matter of seconds. She almost hit the closet in front of her out of sheer disgust, but held back since she was still in the same room as Sahara.

Somehow, they would need to sort out that mess. Somehow.

The sweat that clung to her skin now reminded Naoka she had slept in her yesterday’s clothes and hadn’t taken a shower last night. She was exhausted enough back then not to care, but it was far too uncomfortable right now to ignore. After taking some fresh clothes to change into from her own room, she all but jumped into the shower once she was in the bathroom, ready to wash away her worries if only for a little while.

Refreshed from her shower, Naoka put on a loose white tunic with a pink unicorn on it that reached to half her thighs and not much else. Her immediate priority now was breakfast since her last full meal was yesterday afternoon and her stomach was grumbling incessantly. Since Sahara came back, their foodstuffs have improved again and she had a bit of a variety to choose from. Naoka wasn’t willing to put much effort into it though, so simple eggs would have to do. Sahara liked them a lot in any case, so if she woke up it would be a simple matter of putting a couple more on the pan.

Which was exactly what happened the minute Naoka put down some eggs for herself. A sleepy-looking Sahara came out of her room and leaned onto the wall to Naoka’s right, her eyes a bit dazed. She yawned like a cat.

„Morning, Sahara.”

„Good, ahhh, morning, Nao-chan.”

„Feeling better?”

Sahara made a non-committal noise, tilting her head at the same time.

„Okay. You should take a shower. I’ll take care of the breakfast.”

A smile.

„Okay.”

It didn’t take long until Ueno had finished with the eggs and, since she was making the extra effort, a few strips of bacon. Sahara joined her soon after she finished with her shower, though her appetite wasn’t all that big given how she poked at her food.

By unanimous, silent agreement, both of them made their way to the living room couch and settled down on it. No matter how much she tried to make herself comfortable, Naoka couldn’t manage it. Sahara didn’t seem in any better shape, going between fidgeting and throwing uncertain looks at Naoka.

„Sahara.” Naoka started, her mind set on talking things through despite her own nervousness. She wished she had more time to prepare herself or something, but she was also never one to back down from saying what was right in spite of everything.

That didn’t make it any easier, so she looked away before she continued:

„We will need to talk about what we’re going to do about how your mother disowned you last night, but first... I need to make something clear.”

Naoka looked to Sahara, then at the empty space between them, then back at Sahara again. She needed to be closer to her to say it the way she wanted to. Although it wasn’t the best idea because Sahara made a surprised little yelp, Naoka sat right beside her.

„When I first saw your drawings in that sketchbook of yours... I was really surprised, and not in a bad way, not immediately. I liked them a lot, in fact.

But then I remembered how I always _knew_ I would be in love with Ishida. He was supposed to be the only one for me, Sahara. Maybe I would have ended up with some other man and had a decent family, but I _knew_ he would be the one to rule my heart.”

Naoka closed her eyes, the memories of what happened still as clear as if she was looking at them in a mirror. They were not something she remembered with fondness. When she opened her eyes, she was too drawn to Sahara’s eyes to have the strength to avert her gaze. Not like it mattered much at this point.

„Those sketches shattered that and I ended up hurting you for it. I... am really sorry for that.”

Sahara’s expression softened as if she had seen something that just melted her heart.

„Nao-chan... you didn’t have to tell me all that. I understood already.”

Naoka shook her head and spoke her words with determination:

„No, Sahara, I _had_ to tell you that. There is something I want to tell you, but I cannot do it until you know everything for yourself. Throwing you out was just my first big mistake, while you don’t know about the second one.”

Another unpleasant memory, but Naoka shook the feeling off. Keeping Sahara in the dark about this was not something that Naoka found right to do, just like keeping that Shimada and Hirose saved Ishida from Ishida would have been wrong.

„When I accepted the possibility I might like girls too in that way, I... explored some things. It ended with me finding my way to a small cafe for lesbians where I-”

Sahara gasped, her eyes shining as if she had just connected some dots.

„Wait, was it the place I think it was? On a side street that also serves as a flea market, tucked behind some stalls?”

A small, unpleasant shiver passed through Naoka. How could she know about the place? Was she already aware?

„Yes, that’s the place.” Naoka replied ultimately, her unease now worse than it was when she started speaking.

„Oh, so that really was you?” Sahara asked like she was relieved she found it out. „I had only just sat down with someone I knew from college cause she invited me to come along when I saw you pay for some drinks and leave the place looking very distressed. It was very weird, but no one I knew there could tell me what happened. I wondered what happened ever since then.”

On the outside, Naoka might have looked like Sahara’s words didn’t affect her. On the inside, however, she breathed a huge sigh of relief. She knew she was going to tell Sahara exactly how she fucked up, but she always believed things like that were things she needed to say herself. Had she known it all this time, it would have been bad.

„I’m going to tell you right now. What happened was that I wanted to do one last test to see if I really was attracted to girls and... I chatted up a pretty girl, we ended up going to the upper floor and we kissed... several times...”

„And?” Sahara asked after a while, her face the very picture of curiosity, her body leaning towards Naoka as if she wanted to hear what she had to say better. Naoka would have responded earlier to avoid more awkwardness, but coming up with the right way to say it proved way tougher than she thought it would.

„I realized two things.” Naoka said once she thought of something. „First, I definitely like girls. Second... it wasn’t her that I wanted to be kissing.”

After taking a few moments to compose, she continued:

„I used her, Sahara, and I didn’t even need to. Knowing that Ishida wasn’t my one and only love, liking girls... it was something I knew from the start, but I couldn’t accept it. I have been into Ishida for so long that nothing else could ever hope to compare... Thinking in any other way was impossible.”

Naoka took Sahara’s right hand with her own hands, pressed it close to her heart. She could hear its accelerated heartbeat going _thump thump thump_ , was sure Sahara would be able to feel it too.

„But then it became possible, Sahara. In a roundabout, terrible way, but it did and it couldn’t be stopped. I’m not even sure if I really regret how it happened if it led me to here, to another path that I never knew existed. My feelings for Ishida might not have faded away - I don’t think something like that is so simple that it can be waved away easily - but I found out just how deeply I came to care about you. And I...”

It dawned on Naoka that this was the moment, that she really was going to confess. Just that alone was almost enough for the words to get stuck in her throat, the nervousness only made worse knowing that Sahara was right there beside her. She couldn’t even read Sahara’s feelings at this point as if she was nothing but a blank page waiting for Naoka to finish what she wanted to say. If this wasn’t so important to her, even more important than many things she had done in her life, Naoka was sure she would have died of embarrassment already.

But she _was_ going to say it. Nothing stopped her before, not even she herself, and it wouldn’t now.

„I choose you, Sahara. I love you and I won’t leave you.”

Sahara was still for so long that Naoka thought for a moment her words broke her in some way like a snapped string. Naoka hated waiting like this, her thoughts racing in way too many directions at once. It reminded her a bit of her stay in the hospital, looking after comatose Ishida. This was becoming as worrying as that had been.

Then the tears came, followed by a bright smile, as dazzling as the finest dress on a runway. What the...

„Nao-chan...” Sahara spoke, her voice soft and light. „I’m glad you told me about what happened then, but I don’t care for it. Even if everyone like us wasn’t a mess when it comes to this, I wouldn’t care for it. It’s who you are to do those kinds of things and I have always accepted it. You know it already, but...

I love you too.”

Naoka had known it already. It was clear what Sahara’s feelings for her were ever since she saw the sketchbook. There was no mistaking it otherwise like some unobservant people might make themselves believe.

And yet, hearing those words was enough for Naoka to give Sahara a kiss on her cheek and hug her out of sheer instinct. It happened so fast that Naoka wasn’t sure if she did it at all, but Sahara’s surprised reaction was enough to show it was real. Soon, Sahara hugged back just as tight and a lot more desperate.

For once, even if only for this one second, everything was alright in the world.

„Hey, um...” Sahara spoke in a low voice, somehow not breaking that spell that enveloped them.

„Yeah?”

„Can I simply call you Nao from now on?”

Naoka smiled.

„Only if you let me call you Miyo.”

„Okay.”

„Okay.”

A moment passed before both of them began giggling at the same time. It was exactly like Naoka wanted this to be.

If only for now.

\-----

They stayed like that for a while, neither of them saying anything. Naoka wanted to enjoy this feeling as much as she could while she still could. Maybe it was selfish of her to talk about this first before they talked about the true problem hanging over their heads. She knew for sure that it was selfish not to want this little time between them to pass so they would have to deal with the mess Miyoko’s mother left them with.

But, just like the moment Nishimiya walked into their class couldn’t be reversed, this couldn’t be reversed either. Naoka knew she would eventually have to stop hugging Miyoko, separate from her so she wouldn’t be able to feel her heartbeat alongside her own or her breath on her skin. There was no way she would be able to hold herself back if that woman ever entered her sight again...

Miyoko who broke off the contact first, ever so slow and gentle like she always was. An apologetic smile rested on her face, not reaching her sadness-filled eyes. Even though it was summer, Naoka still shivered lightly after losing the warmth hugging with Sahara provided.

„Nao...”

„Yeah?”

„I want to tell you again how happy I am you share my feelings. You have made me so much happier than I ever thought would happen... even if I’m not sure I can show it properly right now. As much as I am happy with this...”

„Your mother.” Naoka said simply and nodded, the root of the problem a shadow over her own feelings too.

„Yes. I never expected that would happen, Nao. I was so blindsided by it!”

Miyoko put her head in her hands, her desperation so palpable and thick that Naoka thought she could touch it. She spoke with a voice full of misery:

„I don’t think it has sunk in yet. Not fully. Not until now.”

„What hasn’t?” Naoka asked, fairly sure she knew the answer already. She pulled Miyoko closer in, her head now under Naoka’s.

„My mother, Nao... I don’t have a mother anymore...”

Miyoko grabbed onto Naoka’s tunic as if she were sinking, the earlier sniffles having turned into uncontrollable sobs. Naoka tried to count each tear that fell on her, each painful cry Miyoko made as she lightly patted her head. There were so many that Naoka wanted to stop counting and teleport to wherever Miyoko’s mother was to beat her up far worse than she would have last night. Miyoko deserved none of this. She didn’t deserve to have to cry her heart out because of a shitty mother causing her so much pain. It hurt so much, not to be able to do anything but watch and let Miyoko cry.

Naoka hugged her tighter, hoping that one small gesture could do anything at all.

It only served to make Miyoko cry more.

\------

Kawai and Mashiba were the last to arrive to their apartment.

It had taken Miyoko a lot of time until she recovered to a semi-decent state. She was still, hours later, shaken up by what that woman had done. Although she wasn’t crying anymore, she was lounging around the house with a listless, terrible look that reminded Naoka of herself just a few short months ago. At least she was well enough that Naoka could force her to eat something for lunch despite her claims that she wasn’t hungry at all. Even if she really wasn’t, Naoka wasn’t letting her off the hook so easily because she still needed to eat.

She wasn’t about to let that woman ruin her girlfriend if she could help it.

That was why, on this early Sunday afternoon, Naoka got everyone to gather at their place. Miyoko and her had a brief discussion beforehand on what they were going to do, but it came to nothing when they realized whatever they were going to do, they couldn’t do it alone. The thought of their friends knowing what happened, especially so soon after it happened, was something that filled both of them with dread. As much dread as Miyoko could feel right now, that was.

But this wasn’t about pride. If it meant staying together with Miyoko and also doing so as a fuck you to that hag, she was willing to bite the worst bullet possible. Telling their friends wasn’t the worst bullet and a lot more acceptable than anything else she could come up with. Miyoko protested weakly once Naoka brought it up, but it didn’t take a lot to convince her that it was the best course of action they could take. They also agreed Naoka would do most of the explaining. As it were, she could do a better job anyway.

That was how they all found themselves together, seated around in the living room that was a lot more silent than Naoka expected it would be. Maybe her urgent request was too urgent and serious with the way she worded it. Oh well, maybe that was for the best. It would be less of a shock, not that it mattered that it would shock them.

„What happened?” signed Nishimiya, her face drawn into the epitome of concern. „Miyo-chan looks deathly pale and you look barely better yourself.”

„Yeah, what did you do now?” asked the other Nishimiya in an accusatory voice. It reminded her of how unpleasant that girl could be when she wanted to, but it wasn’t like Naoka could blame her for jumping to conclusions.

„I didn’t do anything!” she replied, wanting to make that part crystal clear quickly. „Not in this case, unless you think me confessing to Miyo was something that would drive us to this state!”

The whole room was silent for a second before everyone but Naoka and Miyoko erupted in a:

„ _WHAAAT?_ ”

„You... confessed to Miyo-chan?” asked Kawai far too quickly, her breathing as if she had just run a marathon.

„I thought you weren’t swinging that way.” said Mashiba simply, although he looked as stunned as the rest of them.

„Really? This isn’t some sort of a joke?” asked Nagatsuka once he recovered, his face going between happy and suspicious in quick flashes. In another circumstance, it would have been funny, but it wasn’t otherwise.

The Nishimiyas and Ishida were less surprised, but it was obvious they didn’t expect it would come so quickly. It wasn’t their affair anyway so Naoka gave it little thought.

„Yes, really. I would have done it last night, but I had to settle for this morning. We were both too tired after that hag arrived.”

„What do you mean, hag?” asked the other Nishimiya, clearly disbelieving.

„Please, tell us what happened already.” said Ishida, his tone that of a worried man. It was encouraging to see someone who took this whole thing seriously... even if she still had doubts about talking about it.

It was all or nothing now.

„When we were going back home, I told Sahara we needed to talk about us. She agreed, although she sounded sad about it like she thought I would reject her ultimately. To reassure her somehow, I gave her that a I won for her at the arcade.

Her mother saw us.”

Naoka’s hands balled up into fists, the image of that woman enough for her to send her into a rage. She would never forget what happened... and now, she had to tell the rest of them too. At least talking about it wasn’t as painful as recalling it was.

„To make a long story short, her mother was demonic towards us. She disowned Miyo and forbade her from ever contacting her family.”

The moment Naoka finished talking, Nishimiya rushed towards Miyoko, enveloping her in an unrestrained hug. If Naoka hadn’t known Miyoko was a lot tougher than she looked, she would have feared the hug would be too much. As it was, despite the tears, she was sure she could leave them two like that. Nishimiya was a lot better with words than Naoka was. Her talking to Miyoko could only be good, even if more than half of it was going to be both of them crying.

„Wait... you’re joking, right? Her own mother did that to her?” asked Nagatsuka, tears welling up in his eyes. Naoka forgot how much of a crybaby he could be.

„Ask around this building. There’s plenty of people who saw what happened.”

He slumped in his seat like his whole soul was crushed. The rest of them weren’t faring any better. Mashiba looked his contemplative usual self except for the pitch-dark expression on his face, holding Kawai’s hand who was near tears herself. The other Nishimiya, to Naoka’s momentary delight, carried a guilty expression on her face. She went and joined her sister soon after, unable to look Naoka in the eyes.

Naoka wanted to be there too, but the space for her already evaporated. Fortunately, she did her part for now. There would be more time for later.

The only one who didn’t join them eventually was Ishida. Instead, he approached Naoka, his face a blank except for his sadness-filled eyes.

„Ueno, do you want to talk somewhere else?”

„Not especially. Why?”

„I think we should. You look like you’re barely holding yourself together too, you know. Sahara will be fine with them right now.”

Naoka didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea... but Ishida was right that she sorely needed to talk to someone. Miyoko was much worse off than her, but the whole situation taxed her badly too. If she let herself do it, she would have wasted the day away doing nothing but hugging Miyoko in comfort.

As tempting as that was, Naoka had already discarded the idea hours before. Now, she nodded to Ishida and led him back to the end of the little hallway of the apartment. Ishida leaned back onto the wall, crossed his arms and looked at Naoka inquisitively.

„So... how are you feeling, Ueno? For real?”

Naoka sighed, letting the exhaustion she kept at bay until now to wash over her. It was so hard to stay upright, stay strong and put on her usual, dismissive face as if nothing was amiss. That was the best she could do at the moment and she was not going to back out of it.

Nothing wrong with a little break, though, if it meant she could stay strong for as long as she needed to be.

„I am exhausted. I am happy. I am angry. I want to throw Miyo’s mom over a bridge almost as much as I want to kiss Miyo silly. I have to think about how we’re going to live through this when I should be thinking of asking Miyo out on dates.

It’s... so much, Ishida.”

Ishida simply nodded, his expression becoming softer with each word Naoka said. He shifted in his place, his arms no longer crossed.

„That really is way too much for one person alone. You don’t need to shoulder this on your own, Ueno. I mean it. We aren’t the best of friends, but I know I speak for everyone when I tell you that we will not abandon you two when you need us.”

A typical Ishida response. If this were some other time and place, Naoka would have laughed in his face.

„I believe you, Ishida. We will definitely need the help, even if I’d have preferred I could do it all alone.”

„Okay.” he said, a slight smile on his face. „Glad to see you’re not stubborn about this.”

„I do what I need to do.”

Ishida nodded, although a contemplative frown was stuck still on his face. Naoka looked at him curiously.

„Spit it out.”

„Well... it might be awkward to ask, but...” he spoke while scratching the back of his neck, „do you want a hug? You look like you need it.”

Now that was surprising. Ishida offering her a hug? What kind of an alternate universe had she stepped into? Worse, what kind of an alternate universe was it that she needed to refuse it?

„Thank you, Ishida. Maybe some other time. I don’t want anyone, by chance, to make it a bigger deal than it is.”

„You are right.” Ishida said after a minute, only letting up that questioning attitude of his after he spoke. „Okay. Let’s go back.”

As Naoka went back to the living room alongside Ishida, the weight that had been crushing her was lighter than it was before. Talking with Ishida didn’t fix the whole problem, but it felt easier to deal with now.

A bit.

\---------

Once Naoka and Ishida got back and reminded everyone not to huddle around Miyoko as if they could hug the sadness out of her, it was time for them to talk about what to do.

„So, what’s your situation then? You must be in big trouble if you called us like this.” asked Mashiba.

Naoka wanted to speak first, but she was surprised when Miyoko did so first, her voice calm and even kind of confident:

„My parents were the reason we could rent this place. They didn’t want their model daughter to have to work for it, but were adamant that it would be a nice apartment and whoever I was with would be able to pay for themselves. Although, I was putting in a chunk of my allowance towards the rent so Nao could have some money left over for herself.”

Naoka nodded.

„Yeah. I have a decent-paying job that, with some hoops, makes this whole thing work out. But... I can’t pay for this myself, and Miyo’s still a newcomer in the modeling sphere.

In short, by the end of this month, we need to find a different place to stay and work out what we’re going to live off. We haven’t had a lot of time to think this through. I don’t know how my family would react to us two together while Miyo’s... _mother_ is going to cut Miyo out of her family’s lives. It’s...

It’s not looking good, everyone.”

It really didn’t look good at all. They went from a safety net to pretty much free-falling through the sky, their whole world turned upside down in the space of a day. Naoka might have understood herself better now. Miyoko might have become just a tiny bit more confident. They knew they had each other.

They were still 20-year-old girls in a situation that saying they were in over their heads sounded euphemistic.

It was Nishimiya who broke the uncomfortable silence, her strange, barely intelligible voice like a warm balm over a wound:

„Yuu zhod sta vit us!”

Naoka wished she could say she was surprised, but she knew Nishimiya too well. Not even that she said it instead of simply signed like any normal person would in her place was out of bounds. Although her expression was as earnest and honest as always, one look at Miyoko made it clear enough she wasn’t in favor of the idea.

„Sho-chan, I already overstayed my welcome at your place, and now it would be us both together, I can’t just-”

„I would like it if you stayed.” the other Nishimiya cut in. She fixed her eyes on Naoka then with an unpleasant look before adding: „Even if Ueno will be there too.”

Naoka bit down the remark that instantly appeared in her mind. She wasn’t going to get goaded into a fight. Instead, she said:

„I’m surprised you would accept me living alongside you.”

Ishida moved from his seat and sat at the edge of the little brat’s and ruffled her hair, a little joking smile on his face.

„She’s a lot kinder than she makes herself out to be.”

The other Nishimiya tried to push him off but was unsuccessful, which made everyone chuckle. When she also tried to act all angry even with a smile on her face, she only made the situation worse for herself.

Once everything calmed down, it was Miyoko who spoke again:

„Well, if it really is okay... but you don’t have much space yourselves. It might get too crowded with the four of us.”

Both the Nishimiya’s looked ready to argue, and likely would have had Kawai not spoken before them.

„Nao-chan could stay with me.”

Everyone’s eyes went to Kawai. Naoka sure never expected Kawai to offer it, and by the looks of it, neither did anyone else.

„Why are you all looking at me like that?” she asked, her head going from one to the other in an obvious display of discomfort, fidgeting in her chair.

„I didn’t think you’d offer.” said Mashiba of all people, his tone slightly incredulous.

„And why wouldn’t I, Mashiba-kun? We have been friends ever since we started school! Of course I’d help Nao-chan! I would always help her!”

„Okay, okay, calm down, Kawai!” Naoka spoke, exasperated but also kind of glad Kawai did offer. „If you say you have my back, then I’ll count on you if it gets to that. Got it?”

„Yes, ma’am!” Kawai replied cheerfully, easily restored to her old self. The others looked a bit unsure, but soon they all shrugged and nodded.

All was quiet for a moment. Naoka was sure she had some more things to discuss with the group, but nothing came to her exhausted mind. Every moment more she wasn’t lying down with Miyoko to rest was one moment closer to her crashing down. No one else seemed to have anything to say, except for Nagatsuka who seemed a lot more contemplative than the rest of them at the moment.

„Do you guys have everything you need to last you the month? Money, food, stuff?” he asked, looking up determinedly at them.

Naoka and Miyoko looked at each other before shaking their heads in unison. They hadn’t had the time to think about something like that. With all that was going on, there was no way they could have done more than they had.

At that, Nagatsuka stood up, put his hands on his hips and walked just like when he was in his movie director mode. Silently, Naoka hoped whatever was on his mind was not going to be something dumb. Ishida had a similar look on his face as she did.

„Okay! Guys and girls, here’s what we need to do! You two should split us up with what we can help and we should write up what you own. That will make it easier to arrange and adapt to whatever happens! Maybe you can sell some of the extra stuff that isn’t so necessary if you need to!”

„That’s...” Naoka started, kind of flabbergasted, her eyes wide.

„A pretty good idea! I really like it, Nagatsuka-kun!” said Miyoko.

„We can do that for you.” Mashiba said, a satisfied look on his face. Kawai took his hand and proclaimed the same thing enthusiastically.

„That shouldn’t be a problem for us! Right, ShoSho?” said the other Nishimiya, her eyes fiery and full of mischief as she turned from Ishida to the older Nishimiya. Although there was a trace of pink on their cheeks, both of them nodded with determination.

„We wouldn’t be a second family to each other if we wouldn’t help each other, right?” Ishida said, looking away from everyone else and scratching the back of his neck.

Nishimiya stood up from her chair.

„That’s right.” she signed, her whole being as if radiating warmth. „After everything we went through, we are a family no matter what. A family helps its members out in need, small or big. Whatever you need any of us for, you two, just ask! We will always be there for you!”

Naoka thought something like this would never make her cry. When the tears welled up in her eyes, the only thought in an otherwise completely blank mind was that she should have stopped being surprised by them long ago, especially Nishimiya. Miyoko was as moved as she was, tears falling despite the huge smile plastered on her face. She had no words for it... but where Naoka had no words, she always had actions.

Slowly, she made her way to where Nishimiya was sitting, brought her up and hugged her.

„Thank you, Shouko.” she whispered, taking care to be close enough so she could maybe hear through her hearing aid. For once, she didn’t mind doing this. She hadn’t realized just how much she wanted to hear something like that.

And Nishimiya hugged her back, her tears cold against Naoka’s shoulder.

It took a bit, especially with everyone staring in shock at what happened, but Naoka recovered herself to a less insane state. As she was better, she began ordering her gro- her family with what they all needed to do alongside Miyoko. With each passing second while she worked alongside them, stealing a moment every time she could, her worries slipped away from her fraction by fraction. Nothing was set in stone and there were so many things that could end up happening in the future. Too many equally valid scenarios floated in her head, ranging from the most terrible to the absolute best. But, whatever happened...

Naoka had a feeling she would live through it, with Miyoko and her family at her side.


	12. Getaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With everything going on, Ueno and Sahara managed to get themselves a day just for themselves, unburdened by all their problems. It's a bit of an adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for not upd8ing sooner, and for two reasons. The first, which I should have said when I posted the last chapter, the last chapter is effectively the end of the main story of this fic. I apologize for anyone who maybe wanted for me to deal with all the problems that cropped up from end of ch 9 to last chapter, but that was a plotline I thought of *only* as I wrote that chapter. The furthest my original idea went was Ueno and Sahara getting back together in a, at the time, friendly fashion, that would lead to more than that... and I could have just done that without throwing any wrenches or issues into it, but it seemed a bit too easy, in all honesty. 
> 
> I *could* write out a very long fic of them dealing with the aftermath of what happened, but, from the start(after I removed the ShoSho part), this fic was supposed to be *solely* about Ueno and Sahara becoming girlfriends; and I have a lot of other writing I want to do, so there's that. Apologies again.
> 
> The second reason is that I had this chapter pretty much written already for a while, but I wanted to write the scene of their first time and it just... wasn't going well. I would get stuck on one thing or the other and so I decided to scrap it, at least for now. If anyone wants a scene like that of our two girls, I'll see what I can do.
> 
> (There was also college work and anxiety issues delaying me, much to my irritation.)
> 
> At any rate, here's the chapter. I hope you all enjoy a lot of fluff, and guest stars from another fandom I love ! There's still *one* chapter to go after this - the epilogue. I should have that one out a lot sooner, hopefully. Enjoy !

Naoka knocked on Miyo’s door, impatiently tapping her foot against the floor.

„Miyo, are you done?” she asked, unable to contain the excitement in her voice.

„Just a minute!”

„Okay!”

It was a good thing Miyoko’s ‘just a minute’ usually meant exactly that. Wasting time was not something Naoka wanted, seeing as how this was the only day they could take for themselves before having to move. She got up earlier than usual for the sole reason she could be prepared for her first full, proper date with Miyoko. That she could suppress her impatience to feet tapping and looking at her watch every two seconds was impressive even to her.

Just when Naoka caught herself before she knocked on the door again, Miyoko emerged from behind it, her smile apologetic.

„I’m sorry it took me so long, Nao, I was trying to pack everything I could need for the trip. It took a bit longer than I thought it would.”

Given the way Miyoko looked right now, Naoka didn’t mind that one bit. A big straw hat on her head hid most of Miyoko’s short hair while the simple pink crop top showed off her slim, slightly toned midriff; the white broomstick skirt with black edges sadly hid her long legs, only her feet partially visible because of the white sandals they were in. The beige bag in her hands was likely full of things for their trip. Miyoko topped that model-on-a-beach look with black sunglasses.

Naoka was really glad now she could appreciate how beautiful Miyoko was. The idea of forgetting about the trip and just taking off those clothes to properly _appreciate_ Miyoko sounded more and more tempting...

„We should still have enough time to catch the train we’re supposed to, right?” Miyoko asked, bringing Naoka back to reality.

„Yeah. It’s not gonna be at our station for twenty more minutes or so.” Naoka replied, nodding. „We should get going if we don’t want to be late.”

Miyoko took a step closer to Naoka and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, which Naoka eagerly replied to with one of her own. Being kissed by her girlfriend made Naoka a lot happier than she would ever admit to anyone else, her heart fluttering like a silly schoolgirl’s at her first crush.

The circumstances might not have been good, but if someone asked Naoka if she was happy, she would have said yes without hesitation.

„Let’s go then.” Miyoko said, her voice excited. With how worried she has been over everything, Naoka wasn’t sure if she would be able to relax to enjoy today. It was good to see her so carefree.

They were going to a little town on the coast a short distance away from Tokyo, just an hour once the train was outside of the city. Naoka’s aunt lived there and was happy to take in two girls for as long as they needed to. The offer was nice, but they couldn’t make more time for themselves than just one day. Although her aunt grumbled about the shortness of it, the day of the local summer festival was chosen for the trip. It was exactly the perfect date - a sunny day on the beach followed by a festival night.

What would make it even more perfect, now that they were on their way to the station, was if Miyoko would let her hold hands... as she attempted so now, lightly touching Miyoko’s right hand with her left. Miyoko looked around before stopping and fixing her eyes on Naoka.

„Nao, you really are fearless, aren’t you?”

Naoka shook her head and smiled.

„Maybe. I just don’t give a crap as to what everyone else thinks about us, and I can defend us if I need to. You don’t need to be scared.”

Miyoko remained unconvinced, letting out a long, exasperated sigh. This wasn’t the first time they debated about this, Naoka always ending up on the losing side of it so far. It wasn’t fair not to be able to freely show her adoration like she wanted to, and she was convinced she would be able to fight off anyone she needed to... but she understood, in the end, why Miyoko was so unsure about it. Naoka was ready to go on, not wanting to force the issue for longer.

„Oh, what am I going to do with you?” Miyoko asked, not looking anymore at Naoka. She held her hand out openly, as if giving an invitation. Although the gesture was so unexpected that Naoka’s eyes went wide, she laced their fingers eagerly.

The blush that spread over Miyoko’s face was cute... and inviting. After taking a look for herself to see if anyone was around to confirm no one was there, she stood on her tip-toes to give Miyoko a kiss on the lips.

It was so worth it for the slightly dazed expression Miyoko had as they went to catch their train, getting to the station barely on time.

\------

Years passed since last Naoka was in this little town, but she had been here often enough as a kid to remember it well. It hasn’t changed one bit from her memory, from the sushi place with the faded out dolphin sign near the station to the shrine a little ways down the same street to... everything. A little town out of the way for most people, a short resting spot at best.

That meant it was easy to find her way, hand in hand with Miyoko, to her aunt’s house. It took them a little while as it was on the opposite side of the town, near the seaside. Miyoko stared in wonder all throughout the short walk, as if this being a place Naoka used to visit made it somehow special.

It was a very warm feeling, to think like that. Special.

The house itself was as simple as the other ones in town - not all that large, two stories tall, complete with a little flower garden on one side while looking out on a beach from the other. As expected, her aunt was not anywhere outside at this early hour. It was 10 am, but for Kumi-chan, that might as well have been 5. Reina-san never failed to talk about how, no matter how many years of adjusting to waking up early to have more time to practice, her aunt would always end up asleep partway through the day.

The nearer they came to the house door, the more Miyoko fidgeted beside Naoka until she finally retreated her hand from Naoka’s. The sudden coldness of her hand was worse than Naoka expected it to be, and she wished Miyoko hadn’t done that. Naoka had tried to assure her that her aunt seemed like the type to be open-minded, but she guessed it wasn’t enough. She had her work cut out for her to help her girlfriend grow more confident. That wasn’t going to be an easy job to manage, but Naoka knew she could do it... eventually.

Although Miyoko not holding hands with her anymore wasn’t a surprise, that her aunt opened the door five seconds after Naoka knocked.

„Hello, Naoka-chan!” said her casually dressed, ruffled-hair aunt in a sing-song voice. „Oh my, you’ve really grown since I last saw you. I think you’re taller than me now! I hope you’ll still let me hug you like you used to.”

„Of course, Kumi-chan!” she replied, opening up her arms that soon enveloped her dear aunt in a comfortable hug. It had been too long since they’d seen each other, both of them too busy to visit each other(on Naoka’s side, it was the jobs she had to take on in addition to school; on her aunt’s, hers and Reina-san’s concerts).

„Oh, sorry!” her aunt said once she broke off from the hug, her eyes now on the skittish-looking Miyoko. She bowed before saying:

„I should have greeted you first. My name is Oumae Kumiko, a musician and aunt to this troublemaker.” she spoke, pointing at Naoka. „I’m really glad to meet a friend of Naoka’s.”

Miyoko bowed back, an uncertain smile on her face. „I am Sahara Miyoko. I am glad to meet a relative of Nao-chan’s too.”

„You’re really polite. I would have expected Naoka-chan’s friend to be a lot more rough around the edges or something.”

„Hey!” Naoka protested. „I’m not that bad! Come on, Miyo, tell her!”

After a minute of silence, her eyes darting between Naoka and her aunt, Miyoko finally replied:

„I can’t really disagree with your aunt. Honestly, I can’t believe pretty much all of our friend group is so polite when we have you.”

Naoka gave Miyoko a light kick to her arm. She knew it wouldn’t hurt, and she also knew Miyo was right, but that didn’t mean she was backing down without a fight.

„Now, let’s not get into an argument here or something. Come on in! I’m glad to have you both, even if it’s only for a day.” Kumi-chan said, gesturing them to go inside.

After a quick look around, Naoka confirmed again that yes, it looked as it always had. It was spars, just a little summer home with only necessary but comfy furniture and other essentials. There were some more awards on the shelves in the living room, a few more pictures of her and Reina-san too, but otherwise, it was almost like coming home.

„Hey, auntie, is Reina-san here too? You said she would be, but I don’t see her anywhere.”

„She’s been delayed, sadly. The band required her to do some bullshit paperwork so she’s still in Tokyo. She’ll be here by tonight, though.”

„That’s a shame. I haven’t seen your friend in almost as much as I haven’t seen you.”

Kumi-chan, who had stated earlier she was going to make some tea, turned around to face Naoka from across the kitchen counter. She leaned on it and smiled with a smile Naoka hadn’t seen before on her, an enigmatic one like she knew more than she let on.

„Oh, just a friend? Just like you and Miyoko-chan here are _just friends_?”

Naoka’s mouth fell open, the shock of the question as if she was hit by lightning. A billion thoughts poured into her mind like a well, the implications almost incomprehensible. Were they really that obvious? How? It wasn’t _that_ uncommon, although it was rare, for some girls to hold hands. Most importantly, what did she mean to imply by ‘just a friend’ with Reina-san?

„Don’t look so shocked, Naoka-chan. Your friend here connected all the dots already.”

Turning towards Miyoko, it was clear that some sort of a change did happened. She was the most relaxed she had been all day, a beaming smile on her face.

„It wasn’t that hard to pick up on it. It’s like you radiate who you are in waves, and those pictures confirmed it for me for sure.”

„Wait. You don’t mean to tell me... you and Reina-san... are _together_?” Naoka asked, her confusion up to a maximum. She couldn’t stop herself from making scissor motions with her fingers and asking again: „Like, _together_ , together?”

Kumi-chan roared in laughter while Miyoko slapped her lightly on the shoulder.

„That was rude, Nao. Please don’t do that again.”

„No, it’s alright, Miyoko-chan. I’m not surprised she hasn’t noticed until now. She’s been chasing that boy - Ishida, was it? - for years, I was sure she wasn’t going to notice it until Reina and I told her. I wish she was here right now, she’d be laughing twice as hard as me and call you an idiot.”

Miyoko even chuckled at that, although Naoka supposed she deserved it. Looking back, it really took a special sort of childish blindness not to notice what was obviously a romantic thing going on between her aunt and her „friend”. She was certainly going to get teased by Reina-san over this.

There was just one thing she wanted to know now.

„Was I the only one from my family not to know?”

Kumi-chan’s face turned a bit sad.

„Your parents decided to keep it from you kids. They didn’t want you especially to get any „weird” ideas in your head. I wanted to tell you anyway when you were older, but business got in the way and I was also a bit scared of your reaction. It’s not easy to think your niece might think you weird for something like that.

And then, a week ago,” she continued,her face back to her previous smile, „you call me to ask if you and a friend can visit to get away from stuff for a day. With the sweet way you talked about your friend, I was already suspicious. You have no idea how nervous I was before you arrived here! I thought you were gonna bring a secret boyfriend or something, so I had to take some anxiety pills just in case. Trust me, I was ready to be a nervous wreck... until I saw you from that window, holding hands with Miyoko-chan. It was quite the surprise, but something I could handle much better than a boy.”

„Could you read us like that just from us holding hands?” asked Miyoko, a bit of concern in her tone.

„Oh no. _You_ I pegged as gay just from your look, but I never thought my cute niece would be attracted to girls at all. That went out the window the moment I saw the way she looked at you. You’re a lucky girl to have gotten my Naoka-chan as your girlfriend.”

„I wish it had been as easy as getting her like that, Kumiko-san.”

„Miyoko-chan, we’re talking about my niece here. Easy is not a word in her vocabulary.”

That was enough. Naoka got in between her girlfriend and her aunt, kind of fuming even though she was amused too.

„Okay, stop. I wanted us to come here to relax and have some fun, not talk about deep stuff or be made fun of. It’s been a tiring couple of months, you know?”

Both of them laughed at that.

„Okay, okay, my little Naoka-chan. Let’s just have some tea firs- WAIT THE TEA!”

Everyone had forgotten about the tea. Her aunt scrambled back to the stove, Miyoko and Naoka on her tails, only to find it hadn’t been turned on at all. Kumi-chan let out a huge sigh of relief, followed by more laughter.

„Now that’s the Kumi-chan I know! Seriously, how clumsy can you be?”

„Oh, shush. This time, my clumsiness saved us. I can just start the tea now and I’m going to pay attention to it while you two get comfortable. Deal?”

„Deal!” both of them replied at the same time and nodded. Miyoko asked where the bathroom was so she could change for the beach, which Naoka readily answered. She herself didn’t need to do much preparing as her swimwear was already under her regular clothes, so she could just take a seat somewhere and relax for a moment.

„Hey kids, there’s something I realized I should tell you.”

„What is that?” Miyoko asked at the same time as Naoka said: „We’re adults just like you, Kumi-chan.”

„And I’m twice your age so you might as well be kids to me.” she replied without missing a beat. „If you think you need to hide yourselves while you’re in town today, don’t worry about it. Everyone knows about Reina and me, not to mention our other friends that sometimes visit us. You can enjoy everything to the fullest without holding back between each other. That goes the same for here in my house. Be as sweet as you want with each other.”

After a couple of seconds, she added and accented it with a wink: „And you’ll have your privacy for _stuff_ too, if you want it.”

Naoka fixed her aunt with an unamused stare, the insinuation she made one that she secretly wanted to do but wasn’t going to show at all. Miyoko, on the other hand, went scarlet and fled to the bathroom without a word.

„ _Kumi-chan..._ ” she spoke, her tone jokingly threatening. Her aunt took it seriously, though, so she put her hands up to her side and said quickly:

„It’s fine, it’s fine! I was just saying, that’s all!”

Naoka stared at her for a little bit longer for good measure before dismissively waving the concern away. Instead, she slid down onto the good old couch she only now realized she missed as she made herself comfortable. She had a bit of time to think for herself, to let what just happened settle down a bit. It was still shocking to find out her aunt was in a relationship with Reina-san for this long without her realizing it... but comforting too. She had no doubt that they would do whatever they could for Miyoko and her. And, it was also...

Happy.

Naoka hoped it would continue for the rest of the day.

\-------

As her aunt said earlier, the beach was virtually empty aside from the two of them.

One of the big reasons why Naoka wasn’t so keen on going to the beach while in Tokyo were the _way_ too overcrowded beaches. While the group could make some space for themselves amongst everyone else, it was incomparable to having all of a beach just for herself and her girlfriend. Naoka could soak in the shallows like a queen and enjoy watching Miyo doing her laps around the beach. She did keep up with her girlfriend for a while when they first entered the water, but swimming wasn’t so enjoyable to her like it was to Miyo.

Sitting on the sidelines also came with the privileged view of watching Miyo during her exercise, a moment which she was sure all those fangirls of hers would kill for. The image of Miyo as a teen like her, so awkward, unfashionable, _unremarkable_ , entered her mind. It was weird to think her girlfriend, her beauty that of the best runway models, her tall, strong body that of a knight that could sweep Naoka up as she pleased used to be such an awkward kid.

If only Miyo _would_ sweep her off as she pleased...

„Are you feeling alright, Nao?”

„Eeeh?” Naoka yelped, her interesting train of thought interrupted by Miyoko’s question. „Oh, I am fine, Miyo. I was just lost in thought for a moment.”

„Really? Your face looks awfully read. Do you need me to put some sunscreen for you there as well?”

Miyo’s suggestion didn’t help the thoughts and images flying through Naoka’s head. It was hard to keep herself still earlier when she had to put sunscreen on Miyo’s back earlier, and absolute hell when Miyo was returning the favor with her soft touch. This now was somehow even worse.

„I am fine. Maybe I just sat still in the sun for too long.”

Miyo eyed her with suspicion before breaking into a dazzling smile. It looked like she wasn’t going to press it further, to Naoka’s relief.

„Okay then, if you’re fine... how about a little competition?”

Naoka smirked, her interest piqued. Her girlfriend suggesting competitive must have meant she was in a very good mood.

„A competition?”

„Yes.” she said before looking away and pointing at the nearby reef. „That’s pretty close for a little race between us. What do you say?”

With how cheeky her grin was, it was clear to Naoka Miyo knew full well she was the favorite. However, over the past few weeks, she realized she enjoyed play fighting with her girlfriend a _lot_ , whether she would win or lose. It was such a dilemma - to stay put and bask in the sight, or do something that was equally as fun.

An idea popped into her head.

„I don’t know. I kinda feel like enjoying the horizon cause it’s that pretty.” Naoka said, what she meant covered by the fact that this beach did look spectacular - from the long stretches of white sand to the rare reefs and few boats moored by them, all rounded up with how the bright summer sun shined over it all.

„That it is.” Miyo replied, her tone making it clear she knew what Naoka meant. „But I want to swim some more, just not alone.”

„ _Then make me_.”

Miyoko bit her lip. God, the way she bit her lip...

„Are you really sure you want to talk like that?”

„What, scared of me?”

„No. I just don’t enjoy being forceful, but it looks like I’ll have to be.”

Naoka splashed her with water, not really putting the effort into it. She did want to have it look so, so she didn’t stop her assault. Miyo responded in kind, although her splashes were gentler just as much as they were more persistent. Soon, she fought her way through and got a firm hold of Naoka’s hands. Miyoko didn’t stop there, but moved on top of Naoka, straddling her hips.

She was defeated, just like she planned to be.

„Do you surrender?” Miyoko asked, her voice full of fondness, although a tiny bit exasperated too.

„I don’t think so.” Naoka replied while biting her lip, to which Miyo rolled her eyes.

„Don’t make this difficult for the both of us, Nao.”

„Well, there is _one_ thing that would make me accept the defeat.” Naoka said, looking directly at Miyoko’s lips. They haven’t had a chance to kiss since this morning, after all...

Miyoko sighed as if she really was so done with Naoka, but she still bent down and pressed her lips against Naoka’s. Soon enough, they deepened the kiss, the taste of sea salt somehow sweet just because it was the two of them. Naoka’s concentration was slipping, but so was Miyoko’s, who’s grip was weakening...

and weakening...

until...

Naoka brought both of her hands behind Miyo’s back and shifted their places so that she was the one on top, just like she should be. She was the one pinning Miyoko to the ground now, smiling at her victory.

„You forgot to make me admit defeat.” she said, her tone smug.

„You know I’m not good with this kinda stuff, Nao.”

„Yes, _and now I’ve got you all for myself_.”

Miyoko whimpered beneath her, although from the way her eyes and her face all but beamed desire, Naoka knew it was as it should be. Instead of meeting Miyo’s expectant lips, she kissed her jawline, taking her time with each kiss as she slowly descended upon Miyo’s soft neck. A gasp escaped her girlfriend, the kind that she longed to hear for a while now - sensual in that honest, unbridled way.

She would really have to text Kumi-chan later to give them that privacy.

\---------

„Wow, there’s so much to see!” Miyoko said, the wonder in her voice almost palpable.

„This _is_ a small town, but for the local festival, they love to put on a really good display.” replied Naoka, nonplussed at the amount and variety of stalls and goods around them.

It was still the early stages of the festival, the sun hanging low on the horizon over the forested hills to the west. Fireworks were not going to start for at least an hour, the spectacle lasting from the moment the night set in fully until midnight. Aside from the street stalls, the other attractions Noaka’s aunt told them about earlier were still being set up. This year was supposed to be the most eventful one in a decade, hosting several various performers, a mini-fair and a play under the cover of the stars.

„The play will be about an ancient spirit world in a remote town and a young girl forced in their service to pay for her parent’s transgressions. I think there are plans for an animation studio to make a movie out of it too.” Kumi-chan had said.

„I think I saw that one the last time I was here.” Naoka had spoken, her tone kind of nostalgic. „It’s been years since I saw it and I remember liking it a lot.”

„You were fixated on copying the costume designs from memory for the rest of the summer, Naoka-chan. You even tried to get into the performer group’s place to inspect them again.”

„ _Kumi-chan..._ ”

Miyoko had laughed while her aunt smiled an uneasy smile, as merry as a person listening to adorable childhood stories of their partners could be.

„That sounds so like you, Nao. I can’t wait to see the play now!”

Despite the embarrassment of her aunt’s words, at the time, Naoka simply smiled at her girlfriend’s enthusiasm.

The play was still a bit away too, so they settled for wandering the streets and exploring what they could find there. First, they found themselves some food, ravenous after going for half a day without anything to eat - two tomorokoshi sticks to start off, then some kare pan for each and a big cup of kakigori to share at the end. In between their meals, Naoka tried her hand at a shooting range at was on their way. Although she did her best, even hitting a bulls-eye on one of the targets, it was not enough to win her the prize.

Miyo just laughed and complimented her effort.

There was a lot more people than Naoka thought there would be, all of them milling around just like they were, checking out or buying this or that. She didn’t let it show, but Naoka seethed at not being able to afford things for Miyoko now. Maybe it wasn’t her style, but she wanted to show proper appreciation for her girlfriend. Getting her a little something would go a long way to... repaying her debts, in a sense.

Sadly, food was just about the only thing they could afford, which was why when her part of the kakigori slid off the cup, Naoka let out a frustrated sigh.

„Three second rule!”

Partially startled by the familiar, teasing voice, Naoka turned around only to witness her aunts girlfriend(or maybe wife?), Reina-san, in a stunning, indigo colored yukata with purple lines and butterflies and flowers. She was hand with Kumi-chan, herself dressed in a pale yellow yukata, the main thing there being all the sunflowers. They really looked like such a couple, faces a bit flushed and their expressions happy.

„I’m not eating that anymore, Reina-san.”

„Don’t worry about it, she’s just making some fun.” Kumi-chan interceded, giving Reina-san a light kick with her elbow.

„Of course I am, because you deserve to be made fun of, Naoka-chan. Kumiko told me all about the conversation you had this morning.”

Reina-san repeated the motion Naoka made then.

„I would have expected you to notice we were, in fact, doing a lot of that when you used to visit more, even if we were hiding it. I was never very good at hiding it, though...”

„Reeeeeina,” Kumi-chan whined, „stop talking about our love life in front of my niece and her girlfriend!”

„Oh, that’s the other thing.” Reina-san said, her smirk growing wider, „I never thought I’d see you with a _girlfriend_. Although, it was obvious, even as a kid, you weren’t exactly a run-of-the-mill person.”

„She means she thinks you’re _special_ , in your own way. She would know what she’s talking about, too!”

„And what’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

„Nothing, my love.” Kumi-chan replied, backing down from Reina-san’s icy stare.

„Your terrible personality is showing again, Kumiko.”

That brought back a lot of memories of them while Naoka was still a child. They were exactly like this, fake-bickering but mostly super sweet towards each other. In hindsight, it was way too obvious what was going on, but she never thought about it too much at the time.

Naoka wished she had. There would have been someone to talk to when she flipped through Miyo’s sketchbook, someone who’d have understood, maybe.

„They really are like a married couple, full of love.” whispered Miyo into her ear as her aunt and Reina-san continued with their shameless flirting.

„Yes. It’s sappy and disgusting. The way they say each others names makes me want to strangle them.”

The sound of the crowd took over for the moment, muted cause of Naoka’s focus on Miyo.

„You want it to be like them, don’t you?”

For once, there was a bit of teasing in her voice, to which Naoka had no reply to. She simply stared at her aunt, unwilling to say anything to any effect. Neutral, that’s what it was. Naoka was just neutral on the subject, nothing more.

She was saved from any more embarrassment when Reina-san looked at her watch and said:

„Hey, Kumiko, it’s almost time for the play. We should get going. You too, girls, if you don’t want to miss it.”

„We’re not gonna stay at home tonight. Our friends called on us unexpectedly and said they’d arrive soon, promising some sort of an adventure, no doubt spurred on by Asuka. You know where the spare keys are, right, Naoka-chan?”

„Yes.” she said and nodded.

„Good. Take care of the house for us while we’re away!”

„There’s no need to be shy, either.” Reina-san spoke, a glint of mischief in her eyes. „I know full well how fun it is to have a house just to Kumiko and myself~.”

Kumi-chan made another light kick with her elbow at Reina-san before turning back to Naoka and Miyoko.

„Anyway, goodbye, girls! I hope you have a great time at the play!” she said and waved after them, Reina-san doing the same.

„Bye bye, auntie! You two have fun too!” Naoka replied, while Miyoko bowed, her face so red Naoka was sure what kind of thoughts were going through her girlfriend’s mind right now. She was tempted like the Devil itself descended before her to take them up on their offer right here... but Naoka knew Miyo would be way too embarrassed for anything like that at the moment.

(She was too.)

Naoka laced her fingers with Miyo’s.

„Let’s go watch that play.”

The redness began to subside once Naoka said that. Miyo nodded.

„Let’s go.”

\-----------

They sat at the edge of the stone-paved walkway, their conversation about the playing having trailed off earlier into the silence. It was kind of difficult to speak about something that was so good that, couldn’t match the experience of it.

The silence was comfortable, away from the bustle of the crowds, their feet having lead them near the beach they spent the afternoon away at. Only the small waves made any sort of sound, the clear sea reflecting the night’s sky.

It was something Naoka could fall asleep to.

A pressure on her head. Out of the corner of her eye, Miyoko leaned onto her, her eyes focused ahead. It was a bit uncomfortable, but good, so Naoka shuffled in her place to make it more comfy. The way she fit into the crook of Miyo’s neck, even like this, was like slotting two puzzle pieces together, except better and warmer.

 _I should have gotten into a relationship like this a lot sooner_ , she thought randomly, her eyes closed to take in all her other senses better.

Nothing needed to be said. For now, Naoka was where she wanted to be, in a little pocket of her life hidden from everything else but Miyoko. She knew she would have to go back soon and face all the uncertainty ahead of her. It was nothing new to her. Cutting through her problems as if she were cutting ribbons was her way of life. She wasn’t so easily stopped by setbacks or intimidated by the mountains she had to climb.

But this was a resting place from all that with someone she could lean on, someone who could lean on her. A thing she searched for without knowing that was a part of her goals.

Comfortable. Soft. Easy.

Everything she was not.

„Nao?”

„Yeah?”

„Hold out your hand for me. Please.”

There was a slight waver in Miyo’s voice as she spoke, her frame stiffening up beside Naoka. She observed Miyo’s movements carefully, her mind concentrated on the tiniest details.

Soon, after a bit of nervous pocket-searching, Miyo brought out something from it. A shiny thing, it’s silhouette round but a bit bulky, not immediately discernible under the cover of a moon-less night like this. It took a second for Naoka to realize what it was.

It took one second for Miyo to put the ring on Naoka’s finger.

„Wha-?”

Miyo’s amber eyes, now focused on her instead of on the horizon, radiated warmth as if she was the Sun and Naoka herself was the Moon, always wanting more of it.

„I thought I should give this to you again.” she said, her voice light like silk.

Naoka’s mind drew a blank beyond blurting out a silly:

„Why?”

„Because,” Miyo smiled while biting her lip, „I want you to have it. When I first gave it to you, it was the one thing I could give you to show just how much appreciate you. For most of my life, even as kids, you were sort of my idol, someone to aspire to, someone I could maybe catch up to if I just worked hard enough or did the right things. Even through that, even through what happened a year ago, that feeling never went away. No matter how many times you showed your bad sides, I could look past them cause I was sure you were much more than you made yourself seem to be.

And now, Nao...”

She trailed off into silence, her eyes fixed on some point on the horizon. Hearing heartbeats like this was unsettling, her breath bated in anticipation of what was going to happen.

„Now,” she started, fixing Naoka with a loving look in her eyes, „I know why I’m drawn to you so much that I wouldn’t mind dying if I chased after you. I place my trust in you, and my love.

I hope you want to do the same for me.”

Naoka looked away, far too embarrassed at what her girlfriend just said. It was infinitely worse than that time she signed „moron” for Nishimiya, so much so it was incomparable. She had no words to explain her feelings, this incredible warmth coursing through her body, this... this...

Without warning, Naoka tackled Miyo to the ground and kissed her with passion she did not know she possessed, not for something like. She wanted nothing more than to show what she couldn’t explain, do what her lungs failed to let her when she needed them.

„You.” she whispered before kissing Miyo deeply again.

„Don’t.”

Another kiss.

„Even.”

Both hands cupped Miyo’s cheeks.

„Need.”

A tear fell on Miyo’s nose.

„To.”

Naoka bent down again, her movements slow, her intention to keep this moment going on for as long as possible.

„Ask.”

The next kiss was softer, gentler, like falling down on a bed in a state of bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an addition, what happens so that Kumiko and Reina go away for the night:
> 
> Kumiko, entering group chat: "GUYS YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED"  
> Kumiko: *explains everything*
> 
> Asuka: *opens another chat without Kumiko and Reina*  
> Asuka: "Alright we're going to get our lovebirds out of there so the new lovebirds have some time alone, got it?"
> 
> For anyone that knows hibike! euphonium, which is where I took these characters from cause I wanted to and I COULD, you'd know Asuka is as likely to do this as she is to simply show up to make some ruckus... but I went with the already detailed route xD


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the curtains of this story closes, so do the threads of it make full circle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, everyone, I can't put into words just how freaking HAPPY I am to actually finish a long (running) fic for once ! I have done my best to do the story I had in my mind justice and I hope everyone who has read it thinks so too <3 I love every single person who read, kudo'd and commented on the fic!
> 
> You'll maybe be a bit surprised at the start of this very long epilogue - it's longer than any chapter I've posted so far, but there's a very good reason for it! - given my vocal dislike of a certain character. However, the tag from the start read "happy ending", and that's what I have done. I'm personally especially happy with the ending of it since I hadn't had an actual idea how to do it for a while before I got the best idea for it that tied up every end, including the one I thought I wouldn't get to tie up(Sahara's mother disowning her, I mean).
> 
> I should note that all the stuff written is highly idealized and that I don't actually know how some stuff works educationally in Japan and it's also not the point of this epilogue at all.
> 
> Without further ado, please read and enjoy !

„You know, Mashiba-kun, I’m kinda jealous of Nao-chan and Miyo-chan now.” Miki said, her impatience at the wait too much not to say anything.

„What do you mean?” he asked, having stopped drinking his slushie to look at her questioningly.

„Their little trip... isn’t it very romantic? To dash away to somewhere remote and rustic and enjoy themselves for a time with no care in the world.”

The line shifted with several those in front of them having gotten their tickets. It was almost time for herself and Satoshi to get theirs.

„When you look at it that way, it does sound very tempting. I’m glad they’re having their little vacation, though, after all the problems they had lately...”

„It _was_ quite the storm, wasn’t it? And it doesn’t seem like it’s gonna get sorted as quickly as we’d all like it too.”

It was their turn to buy the tickets, politely giving the required amount to the seller at the venue before leaving to find their seats. The event was supposed to be a special one - showing Kimi no na wa in an open, theater-like space - which was something Miki insisted on going to even if she had seen the movie several times already. Satoshi liked the idea a lot too, although he was not quite as enthusiastic as she was.

Miki only wished she had the opportunity to progress further in her relationship with Satoshi. It had not worked out so far, first from Satoshi’s lack of direction after high school, then being caught up on the sidelines of the drama between Naoka and Miyoko. As much as she wished them well, she also wished they would get it over with already! Thankfully, it worked out for the best for everyone eventually, although she was still no closer to her goal.

At least they were holding hands in addition to going on these „dates” now.

„Maybe, but things are looking up, and not just for them.” Satoshi said and held her hand a bit more firmly, a strange, but warm look in his eyes. It caused Miki to stop alongside him right at the entrance of the venue, just a bit to the side so they wouldn’t obstruct people going in. It was confusing - Satoshi never did something like this before, even if it wasn’t anything _that_ special. Miki was about to ask what the matter was when he bent down and... and...

Lips pressed softly against hers, the contact warm and comfortable and so so much she did not even know how to process this what to do what...

The warmth left her as suddenly as it appeared, the lack of it causing herself to bunch up in disappointment, her eyes closed. Satoshi simply laughed and tugged her hand.

„They are looking up for every one of us, Miki.”

As she let herself be led to her seat, her mind catching up with what had just happened, Miki had to absolutely agree with his words. All of the complaints inside her all but disappeared into the void by just that one simple action of his, her goal one step closer to completion.

For her, and everyone else, things really were going to get better.

\------------

„Okay, guys, I present to you...” Tomohiro started, moving away from the screen behind him as an ominous „dun dun dun dun dun” tune played(he was really happy he got a nice enough computer to recognize his vocal commands). The effect was immediate, the whole group looking far more intently at his reveal than before.

„Our studio!”

A small white building with a backyard that looked more like a basic construction site than anything else showed up on screen. Above the door, it read: „Enterprising Studios”.

„I see you’re all about to ask me what I’m talking about.” he said, his voice full of pride at the half-intrigued, half-frowning faces. „This has been something I’ve kept under wraps for a while now. To cut the matter short, I have been selected, alongside several other students, to make a new film for a contest of young up-and-coming filmmakers. It is backed both by our university and even the city project for media development. It won’t be just an amateur, free-time thing like the first movie we made... no, we will have so much more to work with.”

Tears came to his eyes, his emotions overwhelming him right at the worst possible moment. He had worked so hard for more than a year and half to show his potential, his work, and his friend’s work, to a lot of important people, wrote paperwork for long hours of the night and simply tried and pushed as hard as he could. Now, he got it done and ready, not just for himself, but for his friends too.

„What I, ah, want to say is...” he sniffled, „Guys, if you are alright with this, do you want to work with me on another film?”

There was silence for a few moments as if all of them were processing his words. The first one to speak up was his best friend, Ya-sho, his smile genuine and warm.

„I will help you as much as I can, Nagatsuka. And...”

He looked at Nishimiya, who was signing something. Nagatsuka hadn’t had the time to properly learn sign language with all the work he was swamped with, but he promised himself that he would do it after this whole thing went through.

„Shouko says she will too. She’s happy to be on board for something like this again.”

Nishimiya-san enthusiastically nodded as Ya-sho spoke.

„I wouldn’t be much of a main actor, or friend, if I wasn’t going to join.” said Mashiba, sounding kind of excited. That was good. Although Tomohiro still had his eye on him when it came to Ya-sho, he did find Mashiba a reliable person, and maybe even a friend.

„Of course, you didn’t even need to ask my help.” said Kawai. Tomohiro would never admit it aloud, but he was certain if Mashiba was going to be willing, then so would she.

„I don’t know where I’m going to find the time for it,” the little brat started, her tone as irritatingly smug as the expression on her face, „but I supposed I can help you out with some shots or otherwise.”

At least it was nice to know he could count on her help, if need be.

All that were left were Ueno-san and Sahara-san, the two who stayed the most silent and unmoving throughout all of this. It was actually becoming a bit uncomfortable, watching them watch each other as if they were trying to think things through telepathically.

„Everyone, thank you for joining me in on this. You’re not going to be the only ones working this time, since we’ll have other help and even a budget to go with this project. Sahara-san, Ueno-san... if you can’t join us because of everything else, that is alright. I’m pretty sure everyone here wants everyone here to work on this, but you have so much on your plate right now that it’s not fair to ask of you to do anything. We will be able to find other people, if that’s what you are worrying about.”

There was nothing, until:

„You won’t need to do that.” said Ueno-san, shaking her head, her expression amused.

„It’s true that there’s a lot going on, but, unless I’m thinking things through wrong, the only problem is that we need just a little bit more time for things to settle down before we need to do our part.” said Sahara-san, a shy smile on her face.

„So, I hope you have the time to wait for us. And, if not, we can always join in later during the development.”

„It’s another opportunity for us to put our skills to the test.”

„Neither of us wants to miss it.”

If tears were only welling up before in Tomohiro’s eyes, now they were falling freely, unburdened and happy. This was his life’s dream, something he had wanted to achieve for so long and it was finally there... and he would get to do it with all of his friends.

„Thank you, everyone. _Thank you so much_.”

\--------------

_Because of your excellent academic work and excellent work rate, surpassing even those of higher years, we are informing you that you are already selected to train as a teacher in a school environment with the class teacher and other staff evaluating your performance. The class will be taught by you for two months while your other academic obligations will be lessened during this time, should you choose to accept it. You are still a young student, and if you decide it best to focus on your academics before starting with teaching, it would be equally commendable in the faculty’s eyes._

Satoshi reread the letter over and over again, its words almost meaningless, almost as if they were floating away from the paper. It was unbelievable. It was the opportunity he had sought ever since he was a bullied child, to teach and judge those who would do the same things his bullies had done to him.

The course he had doubted ever since he truly befriended Ishida.

He picked up his phone from the desk and pressed the call button by his friend’s name once he found it. Maybe he would be the best person to talk to.

Or the worst.

_Hello? What do you need, Mashiba?_

_Hi, Ishida. I hope you have some time to talk to me. I need your opinion on something._

_Yeah, of course. What is it?_

The casual, interested tone of his solidified in Satoshi’s mind Ishida had no idea what this would be about. It wasn’t surprising since he hadn’t shared it with Miki either, but it kind of made this worse.

_I have been informed that I have excelled in my studies so much that they are willing to already start some trials for me as a teacher._

_That’s great! You’ve wanted this for a long time... but why are you calling me about it, then? Is something wrong?_

_I... yes. I have to share a secret that I’ve kept for a long time now from everyone._

Silence, aside from their breaths. If he ever wanted to solve this, Satoshi supposed he had no choice but to continue, even though his first and foremost wish right now was to travel back in time and throw his phone before he could make the call.

_When I decided I wanted to be a teacher, the reason was because I wanted to become the teacher of the children that would bully. Not just them, actually. Especially the children of those people who bullied me when I was a child. I wanted to observe them, watch for any misstep in their actions._

Silence.

_You wanted revenge._

A blunt statement, so like Ishida. He liked making things easy sometimes, thankfully.

_Yes._

More silence, the creeping feeling up his spine as if he was judged by Justice at the scales. He waited for Ishida’s voice until he finally heard it, the tone flat:

_And? What do you want to do now?_

Satoshi sighed. It was the million dollar question. The best he could answer with was:

_Not that. Not anymore._

It was such a relief to say that, but not enough of one. His drive for teaching was tied to that for so long that he didn’t know if he ever truly wanted it.

_I see. I don’t mean to sound like I know what the problem is then, but I can say that I am happy that you don’t want to become someone just for what happened in the past. If you take the offer up, I think you’ll be very happy._

_Why?_

_Do you like teaching?_

_I..._

Satoshi remembered all the little moments of studying with Miki, teaching her this or that she hadn’t grasped yet, sometimes being taught back in kind. Helping Nagatsuka, helping Ishida, helping other students... it was something warm, something he enjoyed doing just for doing it.

_I think I do._

It was just a little thing, if he was being honest. He hadn’t even known it was there until now, as if he had locked it up in the deepest, darkest cell, overshadowed by his primary drive. But, maybe it was enough.

_Thank you, Ishida. I am glad I called you to talk about this. You have helped me a lot._

_Thank you, Mashiba, for calling me. I am happy I could help._

Soon, Satoshi stopped the call, his mind already focused on what he knew he needed to do now. He found a pen and a stack of papers, cleared his desk for them. The first line of the reply went:

_Thank you for graciously giving me the opportunity to take on a preliminary teaching trial, which I will accept with open arms..._

\----------

Normally, Toki didn’t pay much attention to people entering the cafe. She usually threw a glance there to see if the newcomer was of any interest to her, but otherwise, she chatted on with Tsuya as she always did, oblivious to everything else. Maybe if a really cute girl entered it, she would be more attentive, but she was used to disappointment by now.

After that Ueno girl, who wouldn’t? At least she got lucky elsewhere after that.

Today, she almost repeated the same motions before she realized who actually came in. Her eyes went wide with recognition, although it wasn’t the type where she saw someone she met a long time ago again. She had only seen this person in magazines and online articles, mused over how pretty she was and how lucky it would be to see her in person.

„Hey, Tsuya?” she asked her girlfriend, not taking eyes off the newcomer.

„Yeah?”

„Pinch me. Tell me I’m not dreaming.” she said, her breath already far too rapid for what she needed it to be.

Tsuya pinched her hard, enough for Toki to yelp and turn towards her. She simply looked at her smugly and said:

„No, you’re not dreaming. That is Sahara Miyoko, alright.

I can’t believe it either.”

While Toki knew she was the loud sort of the fangirl, Tsuya was absolutely still as much of a fangirl as she was. She was just a lot quieter about it... she never even told Toki about all the stuff she owned until she got to visit her home for the first time!

Toki’s attention went back to her favorite young model, dressed as fashionably as always, who was looking right at her with those cool amber eyes. It was an honor to be noticed, and Toki would have gladly jumped and went to talk to her... except now, Toki realized something else.

Sahara Miyoko was holding hands with none other than Ueno Naoka.

„What. The. Hell.” she mumbled aloud, but only just so Tsuya could hear her. There was little time for anything else, even though Toki really wanted to rant more about whatever was happening right now, since both of them went right towards Toki and Tsuya.

„Do you mind if we join you, girls?” asked Sahara-san with an apologetic smile to her face. By her side, Ueno looked the tiniest bit uncomfortable to be here.

Toki could only nod while Tsuya said nothing.

„Okay.”

No sooner had they settled in their seats that Ueno spoke, her voice both like an angel and a devil to Toki’s ears:

„Sorry for dropping in without warning. I thought you’d be glad to meet Miyo since you were such a fangirl of her the last time we spoke. Oh, right, I haven’t introduced you yet.”

Ueno cleared her throat and said:

„Miyo, this is Satori Toki, who likes to be called Toki-chan.”

She gestured towards her before focusing on Tsuya.

„And this is Kadayo Tsuya.”

Now, she gestured towards Sahara, and expression of utter pride and happiness on her face.

„Toki, Kadayo, this is Sahara Miyoko, my girlfriend.”

This time, it weren’t only her eyes that widened, but Tsuya’s too. Toki stared at them in shock, her mouth open.

„Wait, really? The girl you were talking about that time... it was Sahara freaking Miyoko?”

„Does she even know why she was brought here?” asked Kadayo, her tone incredulous.

„Nao told me everything before we got together. I am really glad she did. I wanted to apologize in person to Toki-chan, but we didn’t have the time to meet you two until now.”

She bowed her head as if they were at somewhere formal or something, not a cafe bar for lesbians.

„I am really sorry for my girlfriend’s actions. I hope you weren’t too hurt by it. And thank you for dealing with her. I know how much trouble she can be.”

Was this... was this really happening? Her idol, her inspiration, coming to a dinky little bar on a side street simply so she could apologize for what her girlfriend did a couple months ago? And that girlfriend to turn out to be none other than Ueno Naoka?

Toki laughed, the situation way too ridiculous not to. She couldn’t stop laughing, tears coming to her eyes because everything was just too weird to be true. When Kadayo spoke, a smile on her face, Toki could barely understand what she was saying:

„I think she wants to say that it’s okay, Sahara-san. In fact, _I_ should thank the both of you for what happened.”

Now was their turn to look shocked.

„Why?” Ueno asked, her brow furrowed.

„I got the courage to confess to Toki after so long. I couldn’t stand the thought of any more girls breaking her heart. I waited until she stopped moping around after you and took my chance.”

Toki stopped laughing at this point, unable to anymore even if she wanted to. She did want to be sort of serious during this whole conversation. Better to start that later than never.

„Really? What happened then?” Sahara-san asked, her voice excited. It was still so strange to witness her like this, as... normal a girl as all of them were. Toki spoke up instead of Tsuya:

„I couldn’t really tell what my feelings for Tsuya were at that moment... but I accepted. And...”

Toki paused there for a moment, kind of embarrassed to say what she was going to say.

„I think I am happy now. Very happy.”

She hugged Tsuya then, mushing their faces together just because she could. It was so much better than chasing after random girls, both those that turned out to be straight or those that were screwed up messes like Ueno was. What was worse, screwed up, pretty messes were exactly her type, which is why Toki never could really stop thinking about what happened then with Ueno. She was happy, but...

„I am glad something came out right after that mess.” Ueno said, a tiny smirk on her face too. „If the results are like this, I should probably mess up other people too.”

„Absolutely not.”

„Okay no don’t start flirting now, I don’t think anyone here would be able to handle it.” said Toki, interceding before any sort of obviously fake argument could erupt between Sahara-san and Ueno.

„Actually, now that we talked out all this heavy stuff,” she started, the brightness of the day, and the opportunity back in Toki’s mind again. „I really want to talk about how cool you are. You’re such an amazing model! I’ve watched all the shows you were at!”

„Yeah, me too! You are so popular, and for a really good reason too!” Tsuya said, her eyes lighting up too.

Tsuya knew Toki wanted some closure. She was honest with her girlfriend about it, not wanting to make anything seem weird if stuff wouldn’t work out. Tsuya understood too. She said she’d have always regretted not confessing if they drifted apart.

Now, after this surprise meeting, finding out who and why Ueno did what she did for...

Toki could rest easy now and be happy.

\-------

There was a huge crowd forming in the main hall of the school, tons of excited and nervous teenagers pushing each other and going through so they could see their results. It was about as much of a mess as a person could imagine it to be, a sea of people going to and from as they finally got to see how well they’ve done... or haven’t done.

On the outside, Yuzuru appeared like she cared about it no more than she cared about anything else. She liked the reputation she got - that she was cold-hearted and „far too” confident for her own good - and preferred to keep it that way. It got her less trouble with boys(and sometimes girls) overall, let her have several close friends, and help anyone she needed to help.

But on the inside, she was freaking out, just like every time there was a midterm ever since she became serious about school again. She knew Shouko would be happy no matter what, never disappointed in Yuzuru’s achievements... but Yuzuru wanted to ensure that she would be truly happy with her.

There was a lot she would do just for Shouko.

Yuzuru was still one of the last ones to see her results, both because she was one of the last ones to enter the school and one of the most nonchalant ones. It took a while to find herself on the list of second years, expecting the results to be in the middle of the rankings. When she couldn’t find them there, she quickly read through the ones below, cold dread setting in... and dissipating once she couldn’t find her name there either.

No, she hadn’t done badly at the exams. For once, she might have done good. Yuzuru searched upwards now, her eyes growing wider with each name she passed that wasn’t hers.

_Nishimiya Yuzuru - 733 points, 49th place_

Without thinking, Yuzuru snapped a shot of it and ran towards her class despite the intense desire to run out of the school and back to their place to show Shouko her results. They were the best results she had as a student in her life.

She was finally getting closer to the goal she wanted to achieve.

And to keep that up, she had to stay in classes, which was why she got to her class the moment she could. There were still couple of minutes to spare, so Yuzuru went to her seat in the middle of the class with a calmness she did not posses and turned around.

„Morning, Ria!” she signed to them, her internal excitement uncontainable for her movements.

„Morning, Yuzu-chan!” Ria signed back, a smile on their face. „I saw the results! I am really happy for you!”

„I am too! I can’t wait to show it to my sister! Oh, but how did you do? I haven’t seen you on the list anywhere?”

„That’s cause I was a bit higher than you. I was 21st.”

„Oooh. That’s awesome! You’ve been doing a lot better recently, just like me.”

„And thanks to you too. You’ve been a great motivator, Yuzu-chan.”

„That’s what I am here for, Ria! And thank you for your help too. I’m glad we met each other!”

Ria gave her the most genuine smile Yuzuru had ever seen in her life, one that made her heart beat just a little faster. If she were completely honest, almost all of these little things Ria did made Yuzuru’s heart go like that.

„I am glad too.”

\--------

„That was a swift exit.” signed Shouya, amused at Yuzuru’s antics. It was really awesome to see she did so well and that she was chasing after her dreams. She had really grown up a lot in the past two years.

„I think, between the results and her date, she was too excited to stay still.” Shouko replied, a little smirk playing on her face while her eyes shined. She must have been as happy about Yuzuru’s achievements as Yuzuru herself was.

„I can’t blame her. Her date sounds like a really sweet person.”

„I’d like to meet them. Should I ask Yuzu to invite them over some time? Or would that be too fast?”

„I not really sure, but I don’t think they’d be unhappy to meet someone like themselves.”

Shouko thought about it for a little while, a finger on her cheek as she looked upwards, her concentration solely on that question.

„Yeah, it would be a good idea, I think.” Shouko signed before turning apologetic. „But, oh, I’m sorry, I forgot we were standing here this whole time. Let’s go to my room. I’ll make some tea for us.”

„I’ll help you with that.”

Shouya was more than comfortable at Shouko’s place. He had visited it often enough by now that he was used to it, from the not so spacious living room furnished with the relative basics to her own, much more lived in room - full of books and music and, as of recently, merch of her favorite shows. However, he still preferred to help her whenever he could with whatever he could. Shouko said she was happy he did so too.

With tea for each of them in hand, they went into her room and sat side by side at the paper-filled desk in the corner.

„Things really calmed down from what they used to be.” Shouya signed after a sip, scalding his tongue a bit.

„Yeah. Everyone’s doing a lot better. I still wish we could have done more for Miyo-chan and Ueno, but they seem content with what they have now.”

„Yeah...”

Shouya let the thought trail away like the hot air rising from the tea. It was practically unbelievable where life lead all of them along. To think he was deathly afraid of adulthood and boredom as barely a teenager; that he almost killed himself, would have had he not met Shouko again; most of all, that he was here now, sitting by her side and drinking tea without any reservations or expectations between each other.

He loved her and she loved him, and that was enough for them both.

„Hey, Shouko?”

She tilted her head as if telling him to go on.

„I’ve been meaning to bring this idea up for a while now, but it always got forgotten with everything else going on. I was thinking, if you’d like to, we could do each others hair? You have such beautiful hair and I wanted to maybe do something with it.”

„That’s a wonderful idea, Shouya!” Shouko signed, her lips curled in a wide smile, her whole expression full of anticipation. „You’re right, that’s such a good idea that we should have done it sooner!”

„Better late than never, I suppose. So, uh... should I start first or do you want to go ahead with me?”

„You go on for me. It was your idea and I would love to see what you come up with.”

Shouya nodded, a bit of nervousness now creeping up inside him. He was pretty adept at his work after a year and half of training for it and helping out at the salon, but there was this nagging fear of messing up accosting him every time he was handling anyone’s hair... much less Shouko’s. There was little chance of that happening after all this time, though, so he threw away those doubting thoughts.

It took a couple of minutes to get the necessary items - scissors, a few different hairbrushes, a towel, some water and a fair hairclips - and to get everything set up. Now, Shouko was sitting with her back to him, as silent and steady as always. Shouya imagined she closed her eyes, simply content to await for the results.

He got to work, the image of what he’d do already set in his mind. Shouko never much differentiated in her hairstyle so he supposed this was going to be good too.

First, shortening just a bit of the dry hair at the edges. That took just a little bit of time; after that, the hair brushing took a fair bit longer to have her soft hair straight and relaxed enough. That was the easy part, though. Now, he had the actual style to do. With utter care, he took strands of her hair in each hand, weaving them practiced precision. As it went further, it began to take the shape he wanted it to be.

Fifteen minutes of careful work before the braid was done and done, two cute heart hairclips to the sides of her head placed for good measure.

As Shouya noticed while he worked, Shouko had kept her eyes closed. He prodded her cheek with a finger until she opened them.

„Here.” he signed and offered her a mirror, which she all but grabbed from his hand out of excitement as if it was a pretty marble instead of a common mirror. She looked at herself from all angles, her bounciness and her smile becoming all the greater as she did so.

„A french braid? What a cute idea! I never had my hair done that way! I am so happy!” she signed, her motions almost too quick to catch.

„I can see that.” he said, chuckling.

„Oh, I just have to do something as good as this for you! And I think I have something good on my mind too! Do you want me to keep it a surprise, just like you did for me?”

„That sounds like a good idea. I’ll close my eyes just like you did too.”

A blush spread across Shouko’s face.

„Okay.”

They’ve switched places now - Shouya relaxed on the warm chair, nothing on his mind but what was happening here and now. His own part went so easy once he got into it that he wasn’t even tired after he was done. Just like Shouko a few minutes before, he got to relax under her light, but confident touch. She had more hair to work with too since he let it get somewhat longer, just past shoulder length, than it was before.

In truth, he didn’t pay much attention to what Shouko was doing. He knew her so well by now, seen her skill already at her own beautician school. Shouko was sure to come up with something great... and creative, most likely.

Soon enough, he got a poke on the cheek too. A beautiful smile and a mirror awaited him when he opened his eyes. What he saw certainly was... creative.

„I remembered when we talked with Ueno on the bridge and I wanted to see if it would work. What do you think?”

His hair, instead of the usual unruly mane, had two long, thin braids to the sides of his head, while most of the rest of his hair was in a high-up ponytail. A little red flower was put into his hair too at the left braid. It was such a stark contrast from his usual lack of care that it was shocking.

„I think...” he started signing after a minute. His thoughts were kind of jumbled even though he mostly processed the whole new Shouya in the reflection. It was... good.

„I think I’m glad I let my hair out to be a bit longer. I’m not sure it would have worked out so well otherwise.”

„Really?” she asked, her eyes tearing up a bit. „I was just thinking of when Ueno mentioned the idea of a more feminine you and I just thought I should try. I hope you’re not bothered by it.”

„No, Shouko, I think it looks good! Just, unusual! I never thought I could see myself like this!”

Shouya turned his eyes towards Shouko, only one thought on his mind.

„We should do this a lot more often from now on.”

\--------

Walking home from a successful evening like this was like club hopping while utterly wasted. It was an intoxicating experience to have their newest design to be accepted, _lauded_ in front of the whole committee as one of the best ones they had ever received.

They had drank some, too, in celebration, but not enough to be so hopelessly giddy, their walk more a light dance than anything else. The dusk had only just given away to the night, the stars bright as if shining upon them. Neon lights dispelled the darkness of an otherwise gloomy side street near their home, each of the places packed to the brim with people.

For the first time since she had discovered all the jumbled feelings she held for Miyo, Naoka was truly certain they were going to make it.

„I still can’t believe it, Nao.” Miyo spoke, out of breath as if she ran a marathon. „I can’t believe we actually won!”

„I told you it was good enough. I told you we were good enough.”

„Your hand was shaking as badly as mine as they announced the results.”

„I wanted it to succeed so _much_ , Miyo. I was sure I was going to explode if they hadn’t revealed it when they did.”

„I know, Nao, I know.” she replied, tilting her head to show a wide, yet shaky smile.

„And now we’re really where we want to be.” Naoka said with abandon, reveling in the fact. „We can rest so much easier now.”

„There’s still a lot of work ahead of us... but yes, we can worry less about everything. After the year we had, I just want to rest for a few days with you.”

„Yeah...”

Naoka said nothing more as they turned at the corner of the street. This was the moment she had waited for, something she had promised herself ever since they entered the most competitive clothes design contest in Japan. The rings had been in her pocket ever since she bought them months ago, sacrificing some luxuries and meals to be able to afford them.

She tugged at Miyo’s sleeve, let her turn around at the edge of the lamp light near their place. A questioning frown was now on her face, although thankfully without any traces of fear.

„What is it, Nao?”

„Hold out your left hand for me, Miyo.” Naoka said, clear and without hesitation even though nervousness was building up inside her slowly, but surely.

„Okay.” she replied without any hesitation.

As Miyo raised her hand between them, another wave of doubt washed over Naoka. Was she rushing things? Was this truly what she wanted? Wasn’t it all too soon to do something like this, barely more than a year since they made up?

The ring in her hand was cold and heavy, a lot more than it should have been.

Naoka brought it out of her pocket anyway, presented it right before Miyo’s ring finger.

„Please.” Naoka started, ignoring Miyo’s gasp of surprise. Special wasn’t what she wanted this to be - a step on the ladder, more like, her full commitment proclaimed for everyone to see. There were so many things more special, more bright than this... like Miyo’s amber eyes that her embarrassment stopped her from seeing.

„Whenever we get our chance, however that happens... Miyo, I want to marry you. Do you feel the same way?”

Her eyes were glued to Miyo’s feet, her face burning up like an uncontrollable fire. Second by second, anticipation mingling with fear, rising up like bile in her throat.

A hand took her hand, the one that held the ring so softly, pushed it further along. It was released before she felt fingers on her chin, lightly pressuring her upwards. Naoka obeyed them, ready but not ready to look right into Miyo’s eyes.

Tears were streaming from them, almost hiding the shaky, but happy smile on her face. She was holding the hand with the ring between them while still holding Ueno’s chin with the other.

„You don’t even need to ask.

\--------

Waking up to Nao’s soft snoring, or as soft as that could be for someone like her, never got old.

Miyoko smiled at the still-sleeping figure below her, curled up against her body like a cat. No one except for Sho-chan believed her when she’d say that Nao was one of the most affectionate people she knew when they were alone. Ishida-kun was forced to admit it the one time he ran into them by accident while Nao was sleeping just like she was sleeping right now, but that was the most concession Miyoko ever got on that subject.

Sadly, she had to get up and prepare for work and everything else she had to do today. It wasn’t really so much that she couldn’t have simply enjoyed Nao’s warmth until she woke up too, but it was her habit to do so. Her parents used to be so proud of how early of a riser and how hardworking she was...

Her parents. Miyoko hadn’t thought about her parents in some time now, her thoughts focused on their upcoming triple wedding. They had all decided they would marry at the same time a couple of years ago. It was simple - they have been far too connected together, far too close not to do something like that.

Although, perhaps it wasn’t the best idea. It felt like there was three times as much work as just one would have had.

She yawned as she went into the hallway, her aim the kitchen to put on some tea. However, something caught her attention from the corner of her eye. She turned towards the entrance door and moved towards it.

There was a letter in front of it, the envelope plain white. There was only one line written on the back of it in the neat handwriting of his father.

_To my daughter_

Miyoko almost dropped the letter as if she had been scalded by it. Fear, anger, hurt - all of them mixed together like dyes, painting themselves over her like a canvas. Most of all, despite this myriad mess, one question stuck out over all of it.

_Why?_

With shaky fingers, Miyoko moved to open the envelope. Ever since she became Nao’s girlfriend, Nao’s fiance, and even before that, she was learning how to face her fears. It was like looking in the eyes of a demon each time, her frame shaky like the coward she had been for so long. That fear never left her, never failed to shake her up to the core.

Miyoko brought the pages out, stabilized her hold of it as much as she could. Her eyes were already watery and her vision partially blurred, but she read:

_I am sorry._

_Those were the first words I had to tell you, Miyoko. What I have done does not deserve forgiveness from you, but I don’t feel like I can write this letter without saying that first after six years of silence._

_I hear news about you, you know? Sometimes, my friends tell me about this or that achievement of yours. They tell me how they go into one of those fancy stores and find your clothes with some of the most expensive prices attached to them. They tell me how you’re a dazzling appearance on a stage._

_I couldn’t bring myself to take a look. I have been too ashamed._

_I cannot believe you have achieved so much already. I almost fear to see you again as you are now. Despite what we did, you became a successful model and a fashion designer. You have risen on your own two feet after being knocked down harder than most people have. I don’t deserve to feel that way, but my pride in your success knows no bounds._

_I wish I never agreed with your mother. I wish I wasn’t equally as angry as her when she told me the news. You would have feared the face I had made then. It was a face a parent should never give to their child. But I did it simply because you love the person you love. I did it because I was as disgusted as I was scared. I wanted you away, but if you insisted on it as you seemed to, I was more than happy to let you go your way and disappear from my life._

_I don’t know when I started regretting my actions. I don’t know if what I felt that day was really rage or just fear of the unknown that I wanted nothing to do with. Over time, as the fact of your life settled down, the feeling of absence overtook me. There was no more laughter as you came home from school or university, no more tales about your friends. I cut myself off from my own daughter._

_I cut myself off from my own daughter._

_Your mother never wavered in her conviction. You know how she is, all business and cold logic that made me love her so much when we first met. Over the years, as I tried to gather the courage to talk to you, I tried to convince her otherwise. We argued for hours on end to no avail. She never budged._

_But I want to tell you, Miyoko, that even though I don’t deserve to be called your father, even though I threw you out when I should have taken you in... I want to talk to you again. I want to be your father again, little by little. You don’t even have to forgive me for what I’ve done. I can’t forgive myself for it. But I still, I still want to see you again. I still want that chance to do what is the right thing to do. I want to be there for you again. I want to meet your fiance and find out what kind of a person my daughter loves is. I want to rebuild what I destroyed._

_If you want to, I will be waiting for you all day at the cafe across the street. I hope I will see you again, even if the only thing you tell me is that you don’t want to see me ever again._

_I wish you all the love you deserve,_

_Your father_

Miyoko reread the last two lines over and over again, things she had once hoped to hear but never did until now. It was...

It was too much.

A hand placed itself on her back, a contact that would usually startle her but was just warmth to her now.

„Why are you crying?” asked Nao at her side, her eyes as full of concern as her voice.

„A-Am I?” Miyoko asked before realizing half the letter and most of her pajamas were soaked wet. She tried to wipe them off her face and her eyes, but they kept coming and coming and coming and they wouldn’t stop. They were an unstoppable force breaking her down.

„Can I see that?” Nao asked, her blurry finger pointed at the equally blurry letter. Miyoko nodded weakly, unable to resist even if she wanted to.

_God, what is this? How did this happen? How is this real?_

Miyoko put her head in her hands, found a wall to slide down on. She had no words to describe her emotions, no better way to express them except for these unrelenting tears. She let herself to them, unable to do anything more.

\----

Time passed even though it felt to Miyoko like it froze in the moment. Her vision swirled and even became black for a while. She had no idea if she had her eyes open or closed, at least until she tried opening them.

She wasn’t in the hallway anymore. Looking around, she realized she was in her bed, warm as if she had only just woken up.

„Oh, Miyo, you’re awake. How do you feel?” Nao asked, fully dressed and lying over the covers, her gaze fixed on Miyoko.

„I-I don’t know.” Miyoko replied, both her heart and mind empty of anything. „What happened? Did I pass out?”

„You did. I’ve been watching over you for an hour now. I was ready to freak out for real if you haven’t woken up right now, you know?” she said, tracing a finger across Miyoko’s cheek.

„I’m sure there would be no need for that. But... why did I pass out?” Miyoko asked, her mind drawing a blank.

„Your father sent you a letter.”

„My father sent... oh...”

Every single word came crashing back to Miyoko like a boulder trampling her over and over. Fear, anger, elation, so many memories of her life before her family did what it did.

There was so much of it that she thought she would burst.

„What are you going to do?” Nao asked, her voice strangely level.

„I don’t know, Nao. I never thought something like this would happen and now that it did... I am at a loss.”

„Okay.” Nao said and nodded before pulling her into a hug.

„I wish I had more time.”

„Okay.”

„What should I do?” Miyoko asked, full of desperation.

„I can’t tell you that, Miyo.” Nao replied, her tone that of deep, rich sadness. „Wanting to atone for your mistakes doesn’t make it so the other person has to let you do it. Some things are just far too broken to be fixed.

But, I also cannot judge him for what he did. I know what it feels like to want to repair what was destroyed. And the only feeling that I could read from that letter was of someone who wanted nothing more to do than that.”

She paused for a second, her eyes crystal clear in concentration.

„Whatever you decide, my love, decide on the one thing that won’t make you regret it for the rest of your life.”

„Just like I did with you, right?” Miyoko asked, Nao’s speech clearing up her thoughts like nothing else could have.

„If that is what you think is the best, then yes.” Nao replied, although the smile on her face betrayed what she really thought.

Miyoko knew she could be indecisive and cowardly. Nature must have chosen flight as her go-to response for every such situation. She had little time to act on this, though. Just today, and maybe never again, and maybe she would never find out a resolution to the mess her break-off with her family created.

But Miyoko knew she wanted more than anything to see her father again and hear what she read in the letter from his lips.

„Give me a bit of time, Nao. We should go see him.”

\--------

Her father was a lot older than Miyoko remembered him being. He was never a tall man, but he seemed a lot shorter now in his long black coat and a hat, more gray than black in his short hair. When he first laid his eyes on her, he almost didn’t recognize her.

„Miyoko?” he asked desperately, having risen from his seat. „Is that really you, Miyoko?”

„Hello, father.” she said, her voice shaky and unsure. For all the certainty she held when she said she would go see him, it all but dissipated once they entered the cafe, hand in hand.

„I-I am so happy to see you again.” he said, his elation almost palpable. His eyes went from her to Nao, who he regarded with curiosity.

„Is this...? Are you...?”

Nao nodded and bowed.

„Yes. My name is Ueno Naoka. I am your daughter’s fiance.”

Her voice was not warm, but not cold either. Her father didn’t mind. He eagerly bowed deeply as if he were paying respects at a shrine.

„I am very glad you came here too. You must have been there for my daughter when I wasn’t. You look like such a strong, reliable person, Ueno-san. She deserves nothing less.”

„I agree.” was Nao’s curt response.

That was the last straw, in a sense. Miyoko started laughing, fear and frustration pouring out of her in that way that eased her tension. She thought she was already too emotionally drained to feel much of anything. Seeing this, however - her kind of wizened father so genuinely sorry, Nao being all stiff and polite...

For the third time of the day, it was really too much for her, but in a good way this time.

Once Miyoko stopped laughing, both Nao’s and her father’s eyes on her with a look full of concern, she said:

„I am glad to see you again, father.”

And hugged him tight, the way she hadn’t for more than six years.


End file.
